I’m back bitches

I love coming home from break to see my family and spend time with them. But then hate it because I don’t have friends from my hometown anymore. Guess I had fake friends in high school.

Spooky season 👻

Gay life in a nut shell of straight people

I wish my straight friends could understand the my life and being gay. It sucks sometimes to be in a fraternity full of straight men and try to have them understand you. From being gay and trying to have a relationship in the Midwest. It’s slim damn pickings to find someone that matches what you want. Gay tinder isn’t endless at a college campus, most gays want just a hookup and the other half are not out. Then the slim few looking for a relationship but most don’t fit what you are attractived to. I wish that the straight men I’m friends with would not always advance me with acting like there into me as a joke or just for fun. It’s mindfucking to gays it makes them feel you have a gay side or you like them and it just fucks with my emotions. I wish people would just understand me. I want a relationship with a guy that’s a guy not the stereotypical gay that everyone thinks of. I don’t want my friends to come up to me and go hey I have this gay guy in my class you should meet him. I don’t go to you as say wow you should meet this straight guy/girl I’m my class. You know because their straight. I fucking can’t stand to be single I feel lost I feel alone I feel worthless I feel empty. I just don’t understand why I just can’t be happy all I want is to be happy.

October 4,2018

Lately I’ve been unhappy. I wouldn’t say depressed but close. Nothing has seemed to fall into place. Grades are slipping, don’t have enough money to pay for things I want and sometimes need. I’ve been working hard in school harder then past semester and it seems it’s not good enough. I’ve been looking for another job but no call backs. I’ve been trying to be happy being alone since my breakup and I cant seem to be happy alone. I see ex’s and friends happily together and I’m happy for them and on the other hand I don’t understand why that’s not me why am I not happy with someone? I just am at a loss for words of my why’s. I just want the puzzle to be done I want the pieces I’m missing to be found. I wanna look at myself in the mirror and say, wow I’m finally happy. I want to not worry anymore I want to live my life like it’s a damn dream. All I want is to be happy again. Don’t get me wrong I have a pretty great life I have my fraternity and friends and I have a roof over my head and I’m getting a education. I just want the rest. I want a happy life a good life a great life. Just waiting when that time will be again.

-CMJ