Today I met a girl with a Picasso and Matisse tattoo

When the floor is hot lava but your human needs you.

this is like reading the ingredients in gummy worms

lady gagas 2009 vma performance.reblog if U agree

Let’s be honest Dan Howell would date three people 1. Phil Lester 2. Nick Jonas 3. Evan Peters

4. Kanye West

5. Jennifer Lawrence

6. phil’s mom

7. Phil 8. Phil lester 9. Philip michael lester 10. Amazingphil

11. Lessamazingphil

12. Phil from DanAndPhilGAMES

13. The guy with the hair from YouTube and Radio 1

14. Phil from DanAndPhilCRAFTS

15. Philippa 16. Haruka Nanase

17. That youtuber that looks really like Haruka Nanase

18. The youtuber that looks like L

All you sinners stand up sing hallelujah 

So I went on a date today and we went to a nice restaurant before going to the movies and I ordered the “iced grape popsicles” for dessert because I love grape Popsicles so why not right?…..so the waiter brings out the “iced grape popsicles” aND THEY WERE LITERALLY 3 FROZEN GRAPES ON STICKS…..I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE OFFENDED IN MY LIFE…SINCE WHEN ARE 3 FUCKING FROZEN GRAPES IN A FUCKING VASE AN ACCEPTABLE SINGLE DESSERT ORDER..ITS NOT EVEN FROZEN GRAPE JUICE OR SOMETHING ITS LITERALLY JUST A 0.02$ GRAPE THAT WAS PUT ON A STICK THEN FROZEN…LIKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY WROTE THIS DOWN ON THE MENU THINKING “OH YEAH PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE COLD GRAPES” AND SOME OTHER ASSHAT SAID “BRAH. HEAR ME OUT, HOW ABOUT WE PUT THEM ON STICKS AND SERVE THEM IN A VASE WITH NOTHING ELSE” LIKE YOU COULDNT EVEN SERVE IT WITH A FUCKING SECOND FRUIT OR EVEN FUCKING LEAVES OR WHATEVER… IM SO MAD. FUCKING FROZEN GRAPES ON A STICK.

AND THEY WERENT EVEN SEEDLESS GRAPES…..

THAT LAST COMMENT IS WHAT DID IT. HOW DARE THEY

This is disturbing.

This is honestly scary

that fact that everyone else just went with it is even scarier

the fact that niall horan is an ordained priest consecrating the ceremony is the scariest

my favorite gif I’ve ever made 

right, dan. because girls grab their boobs when they get scared. 

I have,

heres to my size 3-8 girls. heres to my slightly squishy ladies who, whenever they have shown the slightest discomfort in their bodies, have been shut down immediately because “i would kill to have a body like yours!!!!!” “shut the fuck up youre so skinny wtf” “youre not gonna get all gross and anorexic are you?”

heres to my girls with skinny arms but a chubby belly. heres to my girls with a double chin but impossible waistline. heres to my girls with thick thighs and a flat butt. heres to my girls with disproportionate bodies. heres to my girls who were never “skinny enough,” or “big enough.” heres to you. youre fucking flawless.

Saying you child is your “kid” is an insult to goats everywhere.

I’ll insult moms everywhere. Fight me Pam.

Fuck you, Barbara 

You want to do this now, Helen?

Oh it is on Brenda

Eight o clock after the PTA meeting, Joan

Uhm, my kids will be going to

bed at 8, Sandy, because unlike SOME mothers I put my children to bed at a responsible time!

Don’t you bring my kids into this, Janet

Bring it on, Mary

the 4:01 show: a DMC with Dan and Phil.

I like that if you haven’t watched the video, this is so meaningful, but he’s really talking about how Phil breeded hamsters as a kid.

album predictions 

honestly, this is scarily accurate

my happy little pringles, take me away, dry my mouth

PLEASE CALL 911 I AM IN NEED

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