Hannah

My mind is like an internet browser. 17 tabs are open, 4 of them are frozen and I don’t know where the music is coming from.

What’s your fantasy?

I wake up, my debt is all paid off, my bank account is full, my relationships with my family are healthy, and I’m able to travel anywhere in the world.

reblog for this ultimate fantasy life to come true

this girl at work was like “would you date a guy shorter than you?” and i said “nah fam.” and this other guy was like “don’t you think that’s kinda shallow?” and i looked him dead in the eye and said “i’m a lesbian, carl.”

family feud is a national treasure 

french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you

italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

Scottish recipes: whatever it is, deep fry it

hawaiian recipes: spam

hawaiian recipes 2: everything’s good with a side of mac salad and two scoops rice. especially spam.

hawaiian recipes 3:  your choices are: a) li hing powder b) furikake

minnesota recipes: layer it in a pyrex and bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

it doesn’t matter what it is. shredded truck tires and sea snails? no problem. layer it in a pyrex. 350/30. it will turn into mediocre but comforting lutheran church basement lunch via the alchemy of hotdish.

vietnamese recipes: I hope you like stirring a single pot for eighteen hours

(via mystruggle18)

Love Robot-  Cuts

working in retail

I have NEVER seen a more accurate representation of this satanic industry

i picked up a new class of year sevens today and i was writing on the board (in very illegible overly loopy cursive) and one girl was like “miss rose, i think you’re a very similar person to your handwriting” and i was like “why do you think that sweetheart?” and she was like “it’s very pretty but a lot of it is just unnecessary”

and can i just say i don’t think i’ve ever been dragged that hard in my life let alone by an eleven year old

kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said “i like that name. did you know i’m in love with you”

i asked my four year old cousin how old he thought i was going to be at my next birthday and he said 8. im 23

once i told a 6 year old that i had finished school and was doing “more school” [university] and she asked “why haven’t you found anyone to marry then”

We were at a museum and I was asking for the student discount and my nine year old cousin looks up at me with his eyes wide and says “wait you’re a STUDENT??”

I used to babysit these three kids and the eldest who was around 11 at the time was talking about how adults are boring and when I told him I was an adult he said, “That’s not true, you’re my age”

our aunt teaches and she has this story about a little girl who really was always pretty quiet in class and then on the final day of kindergarten she just up and stated ‘i’m all teached now. i don’t need to be teached anymore. i’m done of being teached.’

once when i was 19, I told my little cousin that i was 19 and she looked up at me with huge eyes and went, “Does that mean you don’t have to bring an adult with you to the pool?”

My 6 year old cousin saw me driving for the first time, looked up at him mom and said “does that mean she is married now?”

I watched my dad and my niece (3 at the time) arguing over a pair of pants and whether or not they were also a dress. My neice’s argument was that they were, in fact, also a dress because they were blue.

I asked the kids in my daycare class what they thought I should be for Halloween and this little boy goes, “ooh I know! A pickle! You’d be such a good pickle”

On the first day of class with my favorite student of all time, I said, “Are you okay? You look like you have a question.” And she looked me right in the eyes and said, tremulously,

“Can a piranha eat a stapler?”

One time I was working with a kid and he looked up at me and asked “Do you have a boy?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I told him that I did not have any boys. He looked shocked and then deeply concerned and said “Well, you better hurry up and shave your arms so you can get married; August is next month!”

I was sitting on the floor with my 3yo niece and we were playing with her younger brother’s alphabet blocks and the O had an octopus on it.  So I picked it up and asked her what it was.

“Octopus,” she said, all curls and smiles.

“And what kind of animal is an octopus?” I asked.  I was looking for “fish” or “sea creature” but I would have accepted almost anything–”weird,” “gross,” even “slimy.”  “Underwater” or “it lives in the ocean” would have also been acceptable. 

She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam, “It’s a cephalopod.”

I haven’t been the same since.

I rarely reblog long posts like this but this is so worth the read my heart will never recover