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A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Climb aboard, then!” But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown. “Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.” 

“I can’t help it,” said the scorpion. “It’s my nature.”

___

…But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the frog felt a subtle motion on its back, and in a panic dived deep beneath the rushing waters, leaving the scorpion to drown.

“It was going to sting me anyway,” muttered the frog, emerging on the other side of the river. “It was inevitable. You all knew it. Everyone knows what those scorpions are like. It was self-defense.”

___

…But no sooner had they cast off from the bank, the frog felt the tip of a stinger pressed lightly against the back of its neck. “What do you think you’re doing?” said the frog.

“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

They swam in silence to the other end of the river, where the scorpion climbed off, leaving the frog fuming.

“After the kindness I showed you!” said the frog. “And you threatened to kill me in return?”

“Kindness?” said the scorpion. “To only invite me on your back after you knew I was defenseless, unable to use my tail without killing myself? My dear frog, I only treated you as I was treated. Your kindness was as poisoned as a scorpion’s sting.”

___

…“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

“You have a point,” the frog acknowledged. “But once we get to dry land, couldn’t you sting me then without repercussion?”

“All I want is to cross the river safely,” said the scorpion. “Once I’m on the other side I would gladly let you be.”

“But I would have to trust you on that,” said the frog. “While you’re pressing a stinger to my neck. By ferrying you to land I’d be be giving up the one deterrent I hold over you.”

“But by the same logic, I can’t possibly withdraw my stinger while we’re still over water,” the scorpion protested.

The frog paused in the middle of the river, treading water. “So, I suppose we’re at an impasse.”

The river rushed around them. The scorpion’s stinger twitched against the frog’s unbroken skin. “I suppose so,” the scorpion said.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Absolutely not!” said the frog, and dived beneath the waters, and so none of them learned anything.

___

A scorpion, being unable to swim, asked a turtle (as in the original Persian version of the fable) to carry it across the river. The turtle readily agreed, and allowed the scorpion aboard its shell. Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell. The turtle, swimming placidly, failed to notice.

They reached the other side of the river, and parted ways as friends.

___

…Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell.

The turtle, hearing the tap of the scorpion’s sting, was offended at the scorpion’s ungratefulness. Thankfully, having been granted the powers to both defend itself and to punish evil, the turtle sank beneath the waters and drowned the scorpion out of principle.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” sneered the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back.”

The scorpion pleaded earnestly. “Do you think so little of me? Please, I must cross the river. What would I gain from stinging you? I would only end up drowning myself!”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Even a scorpion knows to look out for its own skin. Climb aboard, then!”

But as they forged through the rushing waters, the scorpion grew worried. This frog thinks me a ruthless killer, it thought. Would it not be justified in throwing me off now and ridding the world of me? Why else would it agree to this? Every jostle made the scorpion more and more anxious, until the frog surged forward with a particularly large splash, and in panic the scorpion lashed out with its stinger.

“I knew it,” snarled the frog, as they both thrashed and drowned. “A scorpion cannot change its nature.”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. The frog agreed, but no sooner than they were halfway across the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown.

“I’ve only myself to blame,” sighed the frog, as they both sank beneath the waters. “You, you’re a scorpion, I couldn’t have expected anything better. But I knew better, and yet I went against my judgement! And now I’ve doomed us both!”

“You couldn’t help it,” said the scorpion mildly. “It’s your nature.” 

___

…“Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.”

“Alas, I was of two natures,” said the scorpion. “One said to gratefully ride your back across the river, and the other said to sting you where you stood. And so both fought, and neither won.” It smiled wistfully. “Ah, it would be nice to be just one thing, wouldn’t it? Unadulterated in nature. Without the capacity for conflict or regret.”

___

“By the way,” said the frog, as they swam, “I’ve been meaning to ask: What’s on the other side of the river?”

“It’s the journey,” said the scorpion. “Not the destination.”

___

…“What’s on the other side of anything?” said the scorpion. “A new beginning.”

___

…”Another scorpion to mate with,” said the scorpion. “And more prey to kill, and more living bodies to poison, and a forthcoming lineage of cruelties that you will be culpable in.”

___

…”Nothing we will live to see, I fear,” said the scorpion. “Already the currents are growing stronger, and the river seems like it shall swallow us both. We surge forward, and the shoreline recedes. But does that mean our striving was in vain?”

___

“I love you,” said the scorpion.

The frog glanced upward. “Do you?”

“Absolutely. Can you imagine the fear of drowning? Of course not. You’re a frog. Might as well be scared of breathing air. And yet here I am, clinging to your back, as the waters rage around us. Isn’t that love? Isn’t that trust? Isn’t that necessity? I could not kill you without killing myself. Are we not inseparable in this?”

The frog swam on, the both of them silent.

___

“I’m so tired,” murmured the frog eventually. “How much further to the other side? I don’t know how long we’ve been swimming. I’ve been treading water. And it’s getting so very dark.”

“Shh,” the scorpion said. “Don’t be afraid.”

The frog’s legs kicked out weakly. “How long has it been? We’re lost. We’re lost! We’re doomed to be cast about the waters forever. There is no land. There’s nothing on the other side, don’t you see!”

“Shh, shh,” said the scorpion. “My venom is a hallucinogenic. Beneath its surface, the river is endlessly deep, its currents carrying many things.” 

“You - You’ve killed us both,” said the frog, and began to laugh deliriously. “Is this - is this what it’s like to drown?” 

“We’ve killed each other,” said the scorpion soothingly. “My venom in my glands now pulsing through your veins, the waters of your birthing pool suffusing my lungs. We are engulfing each other now, drowning in each other. I am breathless. Do you feel it? Do you feel my sting pierced through your heart?”

“What a foolish thing to do,” murmured the frog. “No logic. No logic to it at all.”

“We couldn’t help it,” whispered the scorpion. “It’s our natures. Why else does anything in the world happen? Because we were made for this from birth, darling, every moment inexplicable and inevitable. What a crazy thing it is to fall in love, and yet - It’s all our fault! We are both blameless. We’re together now, darling. It couldn’t have happened any other way.”

___

“It’s funny,” said the frog. “I can’t say that I trust you, really. Or that I even think very much of you and that nasty little stinger of yours to begin with. But I’m doing this for you regardless. It’s strange, isn’t it? It’s strange. Why would I do this? I want to help you, want to go out of my way to help you. I let you climb right onto my back! Now, whyever would I go and do a foolish thing like that?”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”  

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Come aboard, then!” But no sooner had the scorpion mounted the frog’s back than it began to sting, repeatedly, while still safely on the river’s bank.

The frog groaned, thrashing weakly as the venom coursed through its veins, beginning to liquefy its flesh. “Ah,” it muttered. “For some reason I never considered this possibility.”

“Because you were never scared of me,” the scorpion whispered in its ear. “You were never scared of dying. In a past life you wore a shell and sat in judgement. And then you were reborn: soft-skinned, swift, unburdened, as new and vulnerable as a child, moving anew through a world of children. How could anyone ever be cruel, you thought, seeing the precariousness of it all?” The scorpion bowed its head and drank. “How could anyone kill you without killing themselves?”

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excerpts from an interview with kathee muzin about the first time she fell in love with another woman, published in the montreal gazette, december 1991  // M*A*S*H seasons 4-11

im not a native speaker so everything in english sounds funny to me but few things have been as funny as "fuck it we ball"

this is, to me, one of the funniest images that ever floated around the internet

Sakura: If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best

Ino: If you can’t handle me at my worst then you have shitty taste

Rock Lee: If you can’t handle me at my worst I commend you and respect you for setting healthy boundaries for yourself

Sai: If you can’t handle me at my worst that is literally my only setting so good luck

Tenten: If you can’t handle me at my worst then you would never by able to handle this ASS

Kiba: If you can’t handle me at my worst then have fun trying to date me.

Neji: If you can’t handle me at my worst then I don’t care

Shikamaru: If you can’t handle me at my worst then fuck off

Naruto: If you can’t handle me at my worst then oh okay

Sasuke: You can’t handle me at my worst

an explanation is not owed

I’m kinda surprised at how many ‘likes-but-did-not-blogs’ there are on this post….there are absolutely no downsides to not sharing it, regardless of whether or not it fits your aesthetic or even if your page isn’t sexual in nature.

Unfortunately, many guys still need to see this….. (but ovviously it applies to everyone).

Consent is paramount, and the ability to remove consent at any time (yes even after sex has started, if it hurts or you get cold feet or whatev)

if god forbid something were to ever happen to my husband, i don’t think i would ever really date again. i’m not saying i’d cut myself off from the possibility of love but i’m not built for dating. i never was.

instead i would go out and buy my best friend the most beautiful stationary, her favorite cleaning products, and some really cool smoking accessories. i would go over to her house and present all of that to her, and then I would get down on one knee and ask her to be the person i spend the rest of my life with. not as a married or a romantic couple, but as best friends forever. bc i’m coming to the realization that the most important and impactful relationships in my life were with my friends. the love i have in my heart for my completely platonic friends is overwhelming and stronger than anything i’ve ever known.

romantic love is beautiful don’t get me wrong. but it is a love that is expected - that is ordinary. the way i love my friends, tho? that is all-consuming. it fills me with warmth unlike any i have ever known. i would rather spend the rest of my life with my best friend by my side then search for the “romance” that so many spend their whole lives pining for.

of course, i won’t ever have to worry about that. i get the best of both worlds. i get to go spend my days with the platonic loves of my life and then go home and sleep next to the romantic one. but i know that’s not the case for everyone, and i just wish i could find a way to explain to all those people out there crying about not finding their “person” that they have. the friend who comes over with your favorite food and a funny movie when they find out you had a bad day? that’s your person. or the friend who knows you’re forgetful so they text you every morning to remember to take your meds? that’s your person. who do you call when life is shitting all over you and you just need to scream. bc whoever that is, if they’re not family, they are your person. and they are just as important as any romance you could ever find yourself in.

don’t let the real loves of your life pass by you by in your exhausting search for “the one.” bc in life there is never just that singular one person who will make you complete. your friends are “the one.” i promise.

Some true shit by a darling friend of mine

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please reblog this if it is okay to anonymously confess something to you.

Once upon a time I worked in this little burger/coffee/ice cream shop and a lady came in one winter and asked if we had a caramel apple drink and we were like ‘well we have cider’ and she was like ‘no I don’t remember what it’s called but this place made a drink that was chai tea, apple cider, and caramel’ and Breezy offered to try and make something for her but she changed her mind and left so Breezy and I were like ‘alright let’s try this’ because we had chai tea, instant cider mix, a shit ton of caramel, instant hot water from the espresso and too much free time. 

And let me tell you it was delightful. It tastes like watching the leaves changing color and dancing in the wind. It tastes like picking out pumpkins and gourds and fresh apples at the farm up north. It tastes like witches and freedom.

I make it every year now and this year I walked in the house on the morning of October first with all the ingredients and shouted ‘FALL DRINK’ and my roommates were like ‘????’ so I made them Fall Drink and now every time they get home from work they’re like ‘Fall Drink pls?????’

Anyway I remember literally nothing else about that woman but I’m very grateful to her. 

for anyone wondering about proportions/etc here’s op’s answer from the repiles:

@gaslightgallows I feel this would be relevant to your interests. 

I don’t like caramel but I can vouch for hot chaider being amazing.

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Deareat @simonalkenmayer I feel like this is relevant to your interests.

Also, I do something like this in the crock pot with the overly sweet Growers Pumpkin Apple Cider, chai spices, cloves, a bit of orange juice, and some super dry Pinot Grigio.

Mix, heat, and serve on a nippy night best spent cuddled under blankets with a book.

My friend, you have essentially backward engineered a wonderful winter drink from the Stuart period.

White sack wine, cider, spices (clove, cinnamon, nutmeg, mace, ginger) tea, sugar, and if you want it authentic, a bit of cream or whipped egg. All this is brought together in a low temperature and then stewed for a time. It can also be “pulled”, a process in which one “stirs” the concoction by using a ladle and pouring it repeatedly from high in the air. Makes it foamy and frothy. 

Serve warm.

On a cold night, this is a delightful thing. Believe it or not, we also used to make it with a stout beer instead of wine. For a darker richer flavor.

One Black Tea Bag, One Cup Apple Juice, 2tsp butter, 2tsp brown sugar, cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger to taste will also accomplish something similar (just melt the butter and brown sugar together and whisk them around a pan a bit - don’t bother making proper caramel) Make your faux-caramel then you add the apple juice and then the rest; heat it up to a boil then turn off the heat, drop the tea bag in and let it steep for 3 minutes, serve with gingersnaps.

Nothing better than tumblr recipe posts

Imagine an alien sharing a cool human fact they just learned like ”hey guys did you know that the silvery markings on humans actually aren’t true stripes? They’re called stretch marks, they happen when the human is growing fast enough to actually outgrow their skin, which is apparently something that just fucking happens to almost all of them at some point of their life.”

and another one is like ”wait so you’re saying humans don’t have stripes.”

”actually they do, but the stripes are invisible. There’s genetic code that’d give them stripes but they’re just the same colour as the rest of the skin. So the visible stripes are not real stripes and the real stripes are invisible.”

”I swear if you tell me one more weird human thing today I’m beating your ass.”

The human in the room looks up and goes "Wait I have stripes?"

The Dead Poets As John Mulaney Quotes

Charlie: shut up, you're all gonna die. street smarts!

Neil: I look like I was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here

Todd: my vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.

Knox: 13 year olds are the meanest people in the world

Meeks: I always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be

Pitts: I cannot express to you the humiliation of every saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away. then they’re just pants.

Cameron: I'll keep all my emotions right here, and one day I'll die

Not to go full English Major on y'all but it's really, really obvious to me that the golden chains do not represent Blitzo feeling trapped in his relationship. His vision is about his fears. He fears intimacy which all his exes (and Moxxie) tell him quite explicitly.

But he sees Stolas on that golden throne and he wants to go to him. He desires him, if he likes it or not. He doesn't feel trapped, though, he's afraid of *getting trapped.* He's afraid of commitment and vulnerability. He's afraid of Stolas taking advantage of him if he opens up. He's afraid that if he enters this relationship for real there may not be a way out.

But you know, Stolas saves him in a grand display of power, but when it's all said and done, Blitzo gets to assert dominance over Stolas like always and that's what gives him the comfort he needs to initiate the kiss. Stolas shows him in that moment that no matter how much power he may hold in the absolute sense, Blitzo is the one with the power *in their relationship*