"This is my weird son. He can't climb for shit, but he is handsome and strong."

#cats be like#is anybody adopt that#and don't wait for an answer

my wife, upon learning that pubes can be straight: Thats not bush,,, thats just grass

Cheetah calls for his sibling. (via)

my girlfriend is able to take like a 20-min nap and bounce back with full energy. idk how she does that. when i lie down i wake up 12 years later in a hospital bed i rip the IV out of my arm and stumble into the hallway the whole building is littered with bodies, i make my way back to my house but my wife and children are long gone

I was making coffee and I heard a "mpeep" behind me so I turn around an on my kitchen floor sits Kotelet, the tiny stray that visits me every day, and to her side sits a big fat house spider, you know the one that gets stuck in your bath.

So I go "Hey ehh, you brought a buddy?" and she looks down at the spider and swallows it in one go -legs and everything- and looks back at me with these cute big eyes

Couldn't get the image out of my head

CRIME SCENE

lobbying the Olympic committee to recognize gay chicken as a real sport

Where do I sign the petition to replace statues of shitty people with statues of Pikachu