Long Live the Queen

microdosing on catharsis by watching a fictional character or persona i relate to have an emotional breakdown until my chest starts to ache from the amount i’ve repressed

me telling a lie

Jarec Wentworth, a straight man well-known for not wrecking men's walls

wait didn't he go to jail?

Nothing bad, he extorted a republican donor out of a fuck ton of money lol

man. remember early in the pandemic, shortly into the telework phase, when a lot of women started vocalizing “wow, i didnt realize just how much time, energy, and even money i was wasting on dolling myself up for work every damn morning, until i didn’t have to do it anymore. i don’t think i’ll go back to doing that when we return to the office? i won’t be a slob or anything, of course, i’m just not going to go out of my way to look pretty at work"  and then,

so many people proceeded to lose every last crumb of their shit about it, writing the most asinine crybaby articles ever where they were just. utterly horrified by the possibility that more and more women might become comfortable looking natural/plain and completely opting out of the expectation to look as appealing as possible at all times, even when all they’re doing is spending all day in a cubicle. that was bonkers. lmao.

some ladies were like “during lockdown, i saw myself in the mirror without makeup much more often, and got used to it, so now i don’t feel as anxious for others to see me without makeup on either. i’m comfortable with the face i have, it’s fine just the way it is”

and some absolute dork ass losers heard this and went “truly, this is the death of femininity”

TERFS who think they’re welcome on my posts: you’re not. the freedom to reject conventional beauty standards should apply to and be shared with trans women as well, moreso, in fact, because trans women are literally held to an even harsher, stricter standard when it comes to rando third parties feeling entitled to meticulous over-performance from them - demanding they put every last possible ounce of resource and effort into altering their appearance just to be seen as acceptable, demanding they “prove” their validity through excessive glamour, to ensure they are not “faking” - and the consequences for a trans woman if she does not flawlessly comply with these demands can be so dire as to be lethal for her.

That should not be the reality these women have to endure! That is a horrifying injustice, and anybody who not only lacks compassion for that, but promotes the ideologies that enable it, is not welcome here. I will not debate with you on the matter. Get lost.

so this post is making the rounds again, but only the version without this very important addition on it, so, as a reminder,

“This character is dead in canon” to you. They’re dead in canon to you. To me they’re fine

No OSHA in sight, everyone just living in the moment.

I don't. I don't think that's uh. There are better ways to do that.

yall look at this shit ad*be is tryna pull now on ppl who have outdated software:

(note for context: i’m all for piracy, but in this case my copy of CS6 was downloaded years ago when they were giving it away to students. i got it totally legally.)

so here is what NOT to do if you’re a loyal fan of adobe who has the cash to shell out for a newer and shittier version of the product you already paid for.

1) DON’T use your search bar to find and open the Run app

2) DON’T type in services.msc

3) DON’T find Adobe Genuine Software Integrity Services and right-click to get a dropdown menu, and don’t select ‘properties’

4) if you happen to click properties, DON’T use the startup type dropdown to locate the option to disable the program. be sure you DON’T click apply to finalize that change. 

5) DO NOT do the same thing in order to also disable Adobe Genuine Software Monitor 

if you do all of these things, this WILL disable adobe’s ability to monitor the software, and you will be forced to continue using the same older software that you already paid for instead of having to sign up for a newer, shittier version and pay more for it. so if you have lots of cash to spare and are cool with putting it the pockets of racketeering capitalists, definitely don’t do any of these things. 

however, you SHOULD reblog this to spread the word, as we certainly want to make sure lots of people know what NOT to do :)

I’M SORRY MA'AM. I KNOW YOU’RE UPSET.

Pretend to be upset.

OP how could you

I hope none of my friends who use Adobe programs find this, follow your detailed instructions, and spread the word. That would be devastating!

It would.

Neil Gaiman?!

Teehee…

“using keep inventory is cheating and you’re not playing minecraft the REAL way” <- this guy cant get home by jumping into a 100 block deep ravine 

Tumblr in 2012:

Tumblr in 2022:

nothing weve posted are even firecrackers compared to this fucking atomic bomb of a post

[ID: A tweet by the official Tumblr account which reads:

#this is like if the landlord fired the gunshots for you (via @sophular)

She balled so hard they banned her from ballin.

Solid patter from Perth.

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.

By Talos this can't be happening

reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.

why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op

Well put. (Source: Writing About Writing Facebook page)

as a lawyer who’s been practicing for six years now I can say with certainty that this 100% applies to lawyers

Sometimes while watching TV, @petermorwood​ and I turn toward each other in the midst of something indescribably bad, and one or the other of us will say (with the greatest possible resignation), “Somewhere, somewhen, a check cleared for this.”

I think the fact that there are advertisements on cocomelon and advertisements on baby sleep soundtracks makes me feel unspeakable levels of violence.

The baby I was just rocking to sleep does not know what your product is and there is zero percent chance of them ever buying it or me remembering you fondly because you just woke the baby up who is now screaming in my ear if you had any thought that it's justified because just MAYBE I'll hear enough words to think about your product.

We are living in an increasingly breathless world that screams 'think of the children' as it loads yet more disruptive, loud adverts onto platforms and media for small children and quite honestly I think that 90% of advertisement should be illegal.

Fairplay (formerly known as Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood) is a legitimately great organization fighting against this exact thing.

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

the time is now

hell yeah

ah yes, the ol rolling pin dilda

it’s called the purple ramjet

which end do you start with? the answer is yours to decide

shove a vase up your ass

not even jesus could save yall motherfuckers’ souls

i call it the matterhorn

cackling just continues to get louder as I scroll through

i think this is the first time an internet community has discovered something customizable and adamantly refused to make penises

of course this is the post where tumblr is like “Seems sfw to me!”

I call this one the Megahorny

Just cram an entire table lamp up there

Me every time this post crosses my dash:

My laugh at this post is auditory evidence of just how sick I still am.

Plate. 

I’d usually post this to my NSFW blog but this is making me laugh so unreasonably hard that I can’t fucking breathe and therefore deserves to be on my main blog

Compiling some of the best ones from the replies-

How you gonna do us like that bruh???

ITS BACK

M U S H R O O M

en garde

i guess this is the long post all the gays are collectively reblogging today huh

Idk how to work it on mobile which makes me sad

This this fucking terrible thing just killed me

I was just scrolling and my friend asked why I was dying and i just had shown them this.

They are scared of me i think

The one time the internet is expected to make dicks, the internet immediately makes everything except dicks.

I knew people had to censor words on tiktok but literally nothing could have prepared me for learning that they censor the words like spurdo spärde

tumblr posts: I want to put [popular celebrity] in hospital

twitter posts: wow I could k*ll for some ice cream

tiktok posts: seggs benis :DDDDDD

TikTok: Seggs Beni’s

Twitter: f*ck

Tumblr: my werewolf boyfriend nuts in me to death metal, call that slipknot.

slipknot isnt death metal. your premise is flawed.

Oh,,,uh,,,umm,,, h-hang on let me check something,,,

Okay, Uhh

Call my cyborg werewolf boyfriend slipknot because of his grooved metal penis

How’s that?

Yeah I like that one

They also don’t belong in government positions either.