I am deeply offended by this due to its accuracy.

what is it with toddlers and personal space? if this little bald asshole touches my knee one more time i’m launching him across the parking lot

“Lana del Pepe” - Young and Beautiful

Tyler Oakley + Laughing

“your son died?! oh my god! i’m so sorry. h.. how, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“he couldnt exhibit enough self control to not submerge his fucking head in a river of chocolate”

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life. 

Sure why not.

I have never once hit the space bar while watching a YouTube video with the intention of scrolling halfway down the page

reblog this if ur a human who breathes

I’m writing everyone’s urls and putting them in a jar to throw in random places around nyc so I can prove a point to my homophobic father

stop texting, vining, instagraming, tweeting, using ur phone and driving. idc how good of a driver u think u are because ur not. it’s so fucking selfish, ur not the only person on the road and if ur gonna drive it deserves ur full attention. it literally only takes one second, if that, of ur attention being on ur phone for an accident to happen.

reminder that mythbusters proved using your phone is WORSE than driving drunk

My mother texted me saying dinner was on the stove. She never cooks so it was a nice suprise.When I got home after work I saw a pot on the stove,thinking it was pasta I quickly opened it. Inside there was a Mcdonalds bags… I knew it was too good to be true, atleast I got some nuggets.

you’re either obsessed with coffee or you can’t stand it there is no in between

shout out to my parents for not supervising what i do on the internet ever

It’s crazy to me when people try to say that Katy Perry has had no impact on pop music. Look me straight and tell me “Domino” by Jessie J wasn’t inspired by Katy Perry’s sound. Tell me “Call Me Maybe” wasn’t inspired by the sound of Teenage Dream. Tell me Maroon 5’s “Sugar” wasn’t inspired by “Birthday”. I mean her list of hits is huge, but the list of hits that have emulated the bubblegum pop sound that she and her producers have crafted is even bigger.

when a snapchat story is 100+ seconds