@grouchythefish / grouchythefish.tumblr.com
unfortunately if you are an old friend of mine i will always care about you no matter what even if we haven't seen each other in forever because i still remember what you were like 7 years ago and i still remember how it felt to be young with you and i still have a lot of love for you in the back of my mind
Every day I have to explain to people twice my age the concept of browser tabs.
“One of my favourite Steve Jobs stories was the time the engineers working on the iPod brought their finished prototype to him in his office. He said it was too big, they needed to make it smaller. They said it was as small as they could make it, it couldn’t be made any smaller. So he took the prototype over to his aquarium and dropped it in. The iPod sank to the bottom, and as it did, tiny little bubbles came out. ‘See those bubbles,’ he asked. ‘They’re air inside the iPod. Make it smaller.’
“Another story about Steve Jobs was when they brought the prototype for the iPad 2 to his office. The engineers told him it was faster than the first iPad. He took it over to his aquarium and dropped it in. ‘Look how slowly it sank,’ he told them. ‘Make it faster.’
“One time a newly hired intern had been sent out to get Steve a sandwich. When she brought it to him, he looked at it. ‘I thought I ordered the beef on rye,’ he asked. She told him it was indeed beef on rye. He took it over to his fish tank and dropped it in. ‘Does that look like beef on rye?’
“He was always dropping things in that fish tank. We couldn’t stop him. We told him he had to stop, he wouldn’t listen. It was full of stuff that shouldn’t be in an aquarium.
“The fish had all died years ago. One had been crushed under an early generation iMac. The others were all poisoned. He didn’t care.
“It got to the point where there was no room for anything in the fish tank. When we emptied it after he died, we found a body in there. We never found out who it was.”
OkCupid:
Uhm, so we removed your photo and there's a strike on your account because in one of your pictures you are wearing a fun Halloween mask therefore that isn't a picture of your face. You are only allowed to have pictures of your face. This protects you somehow.
Bumble:
How are we ALREADY at the time of year where the sun is out at 9pm? Fuck off sun. I'm trying to zzzzzz
We should be able to get top surgery at the tattoo parlor.
It should be a collaboration with an artist and I should be able to leave a tip.
We should be able to get top surgery at the tattoo parlor.
This is the single worst lesson you could possibly take from the production of SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY
> Don’t hire Lord and Miller and then get mad when they start making an irreverent comedy
> Don’t change directors and direction midstream and balloon the budget such that you create a STAR WARS FILM that becomes a box office bomb
> Don’t throw a talented young actor under the bus and tear his career to shreds to cover for your own bad decisions
> Don’t make a pointless film that rehashes a character’s existing arc from previous films
> Don’t have Darth Maul appear out of nowhere with no context completely baffling a general audience
it will be less than a year until james somerton puts up a post on whatever platforms hes still wringing dry like Hey this is his doctor... james just went into a coma while doing community service :( btw when we scanned his brain the section responsible for honesty was very large, almost dangerously so. and his haircut did not look strange, medically speaking
guy who makes a spreadsheet to figure out if his crush likes him back
[id: the first row of a spreadsheet, labeled: event; rational explanation; irrational explanation; additional notes /end id]
adUlTs shOUlD liMiT scReEN OUtsidE oF WoRK tO nO MoRE ThAN 2 HOurs. how about we limit work to 2 hours and let me spend 8 hours screen time watching pretty images and reading funny text posts and making virtual love to my mutuals huh >:(
my family is fucking addicted to macgyvering and it's becoming a problem. every time something in this house breaks, instead of doing the sensible thing of replacing it or calling someone qualified to fix it, we all group around the offending object with a manic look in our eyes and everyone gets a try at fixing it while being cheered on or ridiculed by the rest.
it's a beautiful bonding activity, but the "creative" fixes have turned our house into a quasihaunted escape room like contraption where everything works, but only in the wonkiest of ways. you need a huge block of iron to turn on the stove. the oven only works if a specific clock is plugged in. the bread machine has a huge wood block just stapled to it that has become foundational to its function. sometimes when you use the toaster the doorbell rings. and that's just the kitchen.
it's all fun and games until you have guests over and you have to lay out the rules of the house like it's a fucking board game. welcome to the beautiful guest room. don't pull out the couch yourself you need a screwdriver for that, and that metal rod makes the lamp work so don't move it. it also made me a terrifying roommate in college, because it makes me think i can fix anything with enough hubris and a drill. you want to call the landlord about a leaky faucet? as if. one time my dad made me install a new power socket because we ran our of extension cords
to the people saying this isn't safe in the tags: my dad has a engineering degree and my brother is a mechanic this is like. state sanctioned macgyvering. safe sane and consensual macgyvering. our house will not burn down. in fact, i think it has made us all better in approaching problems from all angles when they arise, which has served me well in life, especially in high stress situations.
does our hot water switch off every thirty seconds making showers an exiting exercise in counting and resilience? yes. but one time the door of the train toilet broke, trapping me inside, and i went "well i can either succumb to the panic of claustrophobia or do this family-style" and then spent twenty minutes breaking down the lock with my shoelace and the belt i was wearing. so i'll take the cold water any day
Never have I wanted to see inside a stranger's home more
OP lives in a point-and-click adventure game
kicked out of another chess club for repeatedly sneaking my new piece 'the warlock' onto the board
adUlTs shOUlD liMiT scReEN OUtsidE oF WoRK tO nO MoRE ThAN 2 HOurs. how about we limit work to 2 hours and let me spend 8 hours screen time watching pretty images and reading funny text posts and making virtual love to my mutuals huh >:(
I'm built different. like incorrectly i think
I think adults need summer vacation. Like let's just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I'm so tired.
Love to see this post getting notes again. None of us are ok.
i may just be french but do americans really not get paid summer vacations? you don't go to the beach with your kids? "There is no federal or state statutory minimum paid vacation or paid public holidays" am i reading this right? like i'm not trying to rub anyone's face in it but you're just stuck in the rat race year-round until you're old and that's normal and accepted??? in the 21st century???
I can't fucking believe we live like this
That map is kind of misleading. At least in the case of Spain, but I suspect mostly everywhere else too: you see, here you get 22 mandatory vacation days, yeah, but those are just the ones you get to choose the dates for. Then, you have another 14 days per year of mandatory public holidays. So the minimum number of paid off days is 36 per year, not 22.
If I'm not wrong, the US is the only country in the world with no legally mandated public holidays.
