if the muppet show was still airing chappell roan would guest star and thered be a running bit of miss piggy thinking shes trying to steal kermit but shes actually trying to flirt with miss piggy the whole time
they lock eyes while shes performing good luck babe and miss piggy is visibly considering it
wait everyone else shush i need to be alone with this person for a second
oftentimes when you look back on media you enjoyed as a child it's like hello why did they let a 14 year old fight a dragon? but star wars holds up. luke is 19. his reaction to losing his whole family is to say "alright, let's do this. I'm gonna learn to meditate and hire a sexy drug dealer and his friend who's a furry to be my uber across the galaxy so I can blow up a fascist government" that's something only a 19 y/o would do
He's also a farm boy. I grew up in the south among a bunch of such guys: they are always willing to hop in a pickup to go cause some mischief. Oh, is this horribly illegal and it'll screw over the government? Even better!
A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.
His response: "No, it's my name now."
I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.
Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.
When I was in the hospital, they gave me a big bracelet that said ALLERGY, but like. I'm allergic to bees. Were they going to prescribe me bees in there.
So there's a medication called hyaluronidase. It's used to make other medications absorb better, because it makes the cell wall more permeable.
One common usage is to make local anesthetic more effective during surgery, for instance. It's used in a number of injected medications.
Bee stings contain an enzyme very similar to this medication, so sometimes, people with bee allergies have an allergic reaction to hyaluronidase.
This is called cross-reactivity, where your body mistakes something for the thing it's actually allergic to, and has an allergic reaction anyway. For instance, sometimes people with latex allergies also are allergic to bananas and other fruits. They don't actually contain latex, but there are some similar proteins.
Apparently, hyraluronidase used in humans is derived from one of four sources: sheep testicles, cow testicles, cow testicles again, and GMO hamster ovaries.
tl;dr: They won't inject you with bees, but they might inject you with purified cow testicle juice, and your body might say 'eh, cow balls are BASICALLY bees' and try to kill you anyway.
The world is full of such beauty and wonder. Thank you for that sentence.
but guys, you realize Morgan Freeman had to read those lines
…without laughing.
LOOK AT THE GUY HOLDING THE MICROPHONE
He’s at 2:04 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lipp_BxZpto
god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything
holy shit bronze age pro sheep bone gamer girl
OBGYN: Yeah, you are exhibiting all the signs of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I’m so sorry.
Me: Huh? Oh, yeah. Insulin resistance, impossible weight loss, pre-disposition to type II diabetes, painful AF periods. Likelihood of bleed outs. Crap. That blows.
OBGYN: Yeah, well that too.
Me: *blinks* What?
OBGYN: Well, PCOS makes it very difficult for a woman to conceive and carry.
Me: BWHAHAHAHA. Yeah. No. No babies. Ever. Never wanted them. At all. Maternal instinct is not strong with this one. Only upside today.
OBGYN: Well then. Not exactly problem solved, but we’ll run with it.
Me: So about the MIND-SEARING PAIN and occasional HEAVY AF BLEEDING. When can we deal with that.
OBGYN: Not until you are 35.
Me: Dah fuq?
OBGYN: Not my rules. Hospitalization won’t even consider any treatment unless it’s life or death until you’re 35.
Me: Why?
OBGYN: Because you might want to have a baby.
Me: I’m 31. I didn’t want kids when I was 11, I didn’t want them at 21, and I sure as shit don’t want them now. Can’t I just sign a form that says “I don’t ever want a baby take it out, take it out now”?
OBGYN: Nope.
Me: Why?
OBGYN: Government rules. No removal of baby making parts before 35 unless your life is in immediate jeopardy.
TL;DR: The government knows better about your baby making parts than you do.
This is just evil. They are literally refusing to treat a potentially life-threatening condition, not just without the patient’s consent but despite the patient’s protest. Evil.
According to the National Women’s Health Network, there’s no legal age restriction- “Technically, any woman of legal age can consent to the procedure, but it should be medically justified. It’s incredibly unlikely that a doctor will perform a hysterectomy on women ages 18-35 unless it is absolutely necessary for their well-being and no other options will suffice.” Of course, this is in the US. Other countries may have different rules.
If you’re in the US and your OBGYN says “government says no,” look for a new one because they lied to you. If your OBGYN says that “hospital says no,” look for a new one because this one doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy. It is true that most surgeons don’t like to perform hysterectomies until you’re in your late 30s at the earliest, but a respectful surgeon will listen to their patient and not just write them off. Sexism in hospitals is alive and well- and it’s not just anecdotal evidence. There’s been a history of looking at it academically/professionally since the 70s (look into Mary Halas as a good place to start if you’re curious), and it crops up all the time in articles in the Journal of Women’s Health and Women’s Health Issues, and the International Journal of Women’s Health all of which are peer-reviewed, well-respected medical journals. It’s absolutely a real thing.
Anyways, I guess what I’m getting at is this: here’s a list of doctors (mostly US-centric) who perform different sterilization surgeries without giving their patients trouble. While even a surgeon on this list might caution anyone under 35 away from a hysterectomy, at the end of the day it’s your body and your pain. (And some of the docs here have been known to perform hysterectomies on people in their 20s with no fuss.) While this list won’t be practical for everyone- after all, medical treatment is ridiculously expensive in this country, it might help someone.
Holy shit fam Holy S H I T
SIGN ME THE FUCK UP I’VE BEEN TOLD THIS IS NOT ALLOWED FOR YEARS
Oh god
QUICK REMINDER THAT I HAD A HYSTERECTOMY A FEW DAYS AFTER MY 26TH BIRTHDAY B/C I HAD CANCER AND I DID EXACTLY THIS. I HAD A DOCTOR WHO DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT AND THEN I WENT TO A NEW DOCTOR AND AFTERWARDS SHE MORE OR LESS SAID MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN DANGER HAD I NOT DONE IT.
Sometimes it’s not the doctor, it’s the hospital. For example, my OBGYN worked at a Catholic hospital, so they couldn’t perform any type of sterilization onsite unless it was an emergency situation.
So if your doc feeds you this BS line about not being allowed to, ASK IF IT’S THE HOSPITAL POLICY. If it is, ask if they are able to perform the procedure elsewhere. If they are not, ASK FOR A REFERRAL.
I was 28 years old when my OBGYN explained that he wasn’t allowed to perform a sterilization procedure onsite, and then he proceeded to tell me what a crock of shit it was and referred me to someone else who was able to. And even though I was under 30, his referral listed me as “an ideal candidate” for the procedure.
If they pass off this line and insist when you know otherwise, FIND A NEW DOCTOR.
God help American women
okay, so everyone has set up the main rivalry in Black Panther as Killmonger vs T’Challa. And obviously that’s the main narrative structure of the story, not arguing with that. But I feel like from a purely character arc standpoint, the actual battle is Killmonger vs Nakia, and she obliterates him.
Erik Stevens is a CIA covert operative; basically, he’s a spy. So is Nakia. And when you look at their various actions through the lens of “who accomplished their mission better?”, it becomes pretty clear that Erik spent 20-some years preparing to destabilize T’Challa’s reign, including having inside knowledge and a birthright on his side…and Nakia spent roughly 36 hours successfully destabilizing his reign, in turn, with nothing but her incredible ability to network disparate resources.
Let’s just review her actions over those 36 hours okay:
- Gets the surviving members of the royal family successfully out of danger within seconds of the coup (aka the only living people with a competing blood claim to the throne aka the greatest threat to his regime)
- Sows enough doubt in the “greatest warrior in the country” about Killmonger’s ability to lead that when the time comes, Okoye and the entire Dora Milaje all defect (eventually saving hundreds of lives)
- Steals a heart-shaped herb from under his nose as he’s identifying it as the most important power resource in the country and trying to prevent it falling into anyone else’s hands, lol too late buddy
- Immediately identifies the person in the country with the best platform to mount a counter-insurgency (M’Baku), identifies what it will take to get him on their side, and casually resolves a centuries-long division in their country while she’s at it
- Correctly predicts Killmonger’s opening move of distributing vibranium to the war dogs, and assists in a comprehensive strategy that shuts it down cold–a strategy they wouldn’t have been able to use if she hadn’t gotten Shuri, Ross, and T’Challa all in one place with the right information at the right time
As soon as T’Challa is back she takes an immediate backseat again (she said it herself, she’s a spy, not the leader of an army), but, seriously, if you have to pinpoint the one person who took down Killmonger, it’s undeniably her. And she did it by clearly demonstrating that her skills as a war dog are miles ahead of his as a CIA agent (due in part, I’m sure, to being trained in a superior country, but also she’s Just That Good).
Yes! Erik’s real misfortune was coming up against a much better and smarter intelligence operative. She also gives the lie to the stereotypical spy narrative (embodied by Erik) that you have to be heartless and violent to achieve your ends. She is the moral center and touchstone of film, so filled with goodness it comes off her like a glow, but she kicks the ruthless Erik’s ass from Wakanda to Kinshasa.
Another thing Nakia was good at was identifying where the necessary resources weren’t, namely in herself. That was why she argued Ramonda out of the idea of taking it herself. It wasn’t self-effacement or modesty, it was a clear-eyed calculation of what it would take to win and the best chance was with M'Baku, not her.
And she did much of this while she thought the man she still loved was dead. She admits as much to Okoye, too. Think of how much sheer fortitude that took, to work through a grief like that to save your country. She is a hero and her heroism is no less amazing for not being flashy or center stage.
It’s also interesting and important to point out that, in moral views, she’s also a counter to Erik Killmonger. They contrast & compliment each other and are very much set up to be mirrors of the same cause. Killmonger believed in Wakanda using its vast & superior resources to liberate oppressed folk around the globe. He hated that a near utopian society existed while so many of their people and ancestors were left to suffer. This is what, in part, made Killmonger such a sympathetic villain. His means were wrong, but his ideas? He had the right ideas….W’kabi thought so too, thus why he took Killmonger’s side. It took Killmonger’s insurrection for T’challa to learn that lesson as well.
But it was a message Nakia had been preaching all along.
Let’s not forget that it was Nakia that first proposed the idea of ending Wakanda’s isolation. She refused to become a queen, she chose to remain a spy, because morally she couldn’t stand by while so many others suffered. In essence, Nakia and Killmonger mirrored each other in moral standing when it came to Wakanda needing to reach out and help their people. However, where Killmonger decided to kill relentlessly and take the throne, then find the solution in arming the oppressed to overthrow nations, Nakia valued life above all.
And you can say “Killmonger was right bc in the end, T’challa listened to him.” But did he listen to Killmonger, or did he finally listen to Nakia?
Some food for thought.
“In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid.”
— Terry Pratchett - Soul Music (via terrypratchettparadise)
Alright. So. I have a confession to share with you. In middle school, I strongly identified as a libertarian. In my defense, I was 13 and I had autism. Against my defense, I was literate, and capable of using common sense. I confessed this to you willingly, so go easy on me.
One thing about this that I can share with you is that I, as a 13 year old boy, read Atlas Shrugged. I read it as someone very committed to the ideology, who wanted to believe it, who wanted to like it, and there are two things I can share with you about that book from that time period.
I was going to rant more about this but I kind of lost my train of thought. The book fucking sucks. It was propaganda of such remarkably low caliber that it actually helped me move out of those circles. Every time someone talked about liking the book, I'd reply with something along the lines of "Yeah, I especially loved the part where she destroyed the post modernists by unequivocally condemning affairs", and if they agreed with me, they would have lost my respect forever, and if they looked very embarrassed, I could at least acknowledge that they had a soul, albeit small and malformed. I had dozens of people claim that they read the book, and only three or four actually passed the test.
And now, goodnight.
Reminder that Ayn Rand had many affairs, didn’t get rich and ended up on Medicare, which she applied to under a fraudulent name so people wouldn’t find out about it.
@cuprohastes anytime you reply to a post of mine, you improve it AND give me a fun fact. Mutual of the day award. Thank you.
most important thing to remember about being a woman is if youre married you have to go under the covers with your husband and laugh cutely and play wrestle so when you die to progress the narrative he can remember it in slow motion montages
in this world we all have our roles
Dead wife flashbacks but it's real shit married people do.
Her: I am 100% sure there is a delay function on the coffee maker.
Him: and I'm sure there's not. I'm telling you I looked. There is no button for delay.
*after the fifth time they've had this discussion and she finally bothers to look up the manual to prove her point*
Him (following the directions from the manual): Goddamn it there is a delay function on the coffee maker.
Her (doing a weird dance): Vindication!
*He laughs and pulls her into a kiss*
*during the climatic scene the husband is fighting the villain in his own house and it looks like he's going to lose*
Him: you may think you have won but I know some you don't know.
Villain: and what might that be?
Him: there's a delay function on the coffee maker
*there is an explosion from the coffee maker behind the villain (the husband filled it with gas). It allows the husband to get the upper hand and win the fight. As he walks away from the burning house finally ready to move on and start living again. He turns back and whispers to himself*
Him: Vindication
Concept. Brewing.
I’m obsessed with AUs where a character dies and then comes back (often with time travel, sometimes without) as… a cat. They have information and secrets and maybe superpowers and also no thumbs. Or speech capabilities. Or respect.
I want to do one and IDK who or when.
Easy option is “Vader dies and is trying to Fix things but the only person who knows this kitten is a reformed Sith Lord is the ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn, who is also currently invisible to everyone except sometimes Yoda.”
Probably a time-travel AU just so I can toss “a Sithly kitten” into the nebulous period between TPM and AotC and have the Jedi (or someone) deal with… This random cat that does things like “Attempts to maul the chancellor” and “Bites Pong Krell” and “naps and purrs on the lap of one random tog initiate.”
I do feel a little like putting Vader in the Temple gives him way too much opportunity to actually influence things. I need to give him trouble. I need him to face numerous obstacles.
I could toss him into Naboo but. Consider Rattatak
Ventress is now being bullied by a Formerly Sith Cat that is trying to push her back into being Not Sith and also trying to fix up a ship to get her off-planet because uhhhh fuck this, the Jedi need to handle this angsty teenager, Vader is NOT interested.
Though if Ky Narec is still alive that could also provide options.
Ventress: This is my… emotional support animal. The Jedi as a whole: That is an entire-ass Sith Lord. Anakin, yowling: [former!] Everybody: [fails to understand him]
From @lizasweetling:
the lack of respect is so actively funny especially if he’s Post-original-Trilogy, so he’s been walking around being totally unreasonable as people cower at his approach for like 18 years to- aaaw what a cute kitty!! that thing about cats and being a supreme killing machine that unfortunately only weighs 7 pounds
#AAAAAA #this is so funny #also Anakin just suddenly being overcome by cat urges #something near the edge of a shelf? ‘oh thats gotta go’ #accidentally stepping in a puddle and his fur doing the Ghibli hair rise effect #as he encounters a worse tactile sensation than sand #and then there is of course sand in the paws - disgusting #randomly getting grabbed when he trying to go places #…laser pointers (via @british-sarcasm)
Avatar: The Last Airbender 1.05 | The King of Omashu
Wow those moves look like someone who’s childhood best friend was an airbender
…Shit, you’re right.
That spin he does. That is an airbendery move.
Literally the exact same move Aang pulls when he gets off his glider (cant find a gif but like… I promise)
This shows attention to detail was unreal.
Even the fall backwards! That looks like the exact kind of thing a fun loving Airbender kid would do while showing off gliders and airbending proficiency.
the best benders in this show tend to be the ones who adapt elements of other bending techniques. Bumi has some airbender-y movements, Zuko and Iroh use some Air and Water movements, even Katara tends to use some earthbender looking moves when bending ice
Meanwhile Toph just took earthbending and cranked it all the way up to 11.
Everyone else: The spice of variety! The four elements make mine stronger! Ballerina time!
Toph:….meTal….bendy bendy
take into account that Toph might not be able to take other bending styles into her own. Because those styles (especially fire and air) require you to lift your feet off the ground and for Toph she would lose her way of connecting to the world like he’s used too.
Toph took earthbending, made it her bitch, and made it adapt to her needs as a disabled person.
oh shit you right.
vague memory of someone else’s analysis, but Toph’s earthbending forms are built on a different discipline than everyone else’s. it’s not so much that she took earthbending and built it up, but that she made up her own.
she did, after all, learn from moles instead of masters
atla heritage post
Guys…toph doesn’t know what other bending looks like
I’m just amazed that they managed to find someone who knew none of this
This is the only person who is experiencing Star Wars correctly
Oh this is so joyful to me to watch. I have literally been watching Star Wars since I was less than a week old bc A New Hope is exactly a week older than I am & my mom took me to the theater as a tiny wee infant so she could see the Hot New Movie.
The idea of getting to experience all of that for the first time is INCREDIBLE to me.
i think the key difference between george lucas’s star wars and disney’s star wars is that lucas is a man with an ideology. someone with a point of view, and all that entails. which comes with ideas of revolution, anti-imperialism, challenging the status quo, cultural appropriation and racist stereotypes. complex and contradictory ideas because that’s how artists are: complex and complicated people. disney is not. disney is a corporation. a corporation can’t have ideology, because ideology defeats the purpose of profit. and when the only thing you do is to turn on the movie manufacturing machine before you sit down and plan what ideas are you trying to convey to the audience, then your results are going to be washed out corporate garbage. and because when you’re a giant corporation who only cares about selling to the widest audience possible, you can’t take sides. you can’t decide on an idea. because you want to sell your product to people who are on the entire political spectrum. which results in movies without ideology, without purpose, without soul.
I have been looking for this post for years after I came across it and it’s finally here and I need to reblog this because it is absolutely and entirely accurate.
I mean, we knew, but it's nice to hear so succinctly
Highlighting the line that hit me hardest: "The Greatest Generation did their best to psychologically prepare their kids for a world that could fall apart at any second and then they built a world that wouldn't."
I think one of the absolute funniest options for time travel that lands in the prequels, when it comes to someone from later on having their memories sent to their younger bodies, is specifically Boba and Han.
I want, like, eight-year-old Han conning his way to space specifically so he can hunt out eleven-year-old Boba and kick his ass.
He is not successful in kicking ass. Boba is three years older, physically, and has had extensive Mandalorian battle training. Han is a malnourished street kid who's always gotten by on his cunning, not his fists.
Last week they were both like fifty, and know that the empire is coming up and Sith are happening, and they have vague plans about that, but this Does! Not! Matter! The rivalry comes first! They are here to brawl!
(Alt is that Han shows up screeching like a hellcat on Kamino a year before AotC hits. He's six and Boba is nine, they are biting instead of any kind of proper real fight, and Jango has no idea what's going on. Apparently, this kid is staying because Boba's very, very 'nobody gets to bully him but me' about Han Solo.)
Boba and Han are so fucking chaotic and interesting, just putting them in a room together is a guarentee that SOMETHING is going to go wrong (or horribly, terribly right) and I'm obsessed with the idea of them getting sent back in time together, dragging along all their baggage kicking and screaming as the entirety of Kamino stands there like 🧍♂️
Tiny Han hiding in the vents, using his street smarts and new scrawny stringbean baby body to slip around Kamino as Boba begrudgingly helps hide him via giving bad info to those searching while loudly proclaiming that he's gonna laugh in Han's face when he inevitably gets caught bc god forbid he admits to helping but also excuse you that is His rival and last string to the future-past he once had, get your own.
For some reason I imagine Han poking his head out of the vents, squinting at some of the clones where they were just chilling in their bunks or smthn and giving scathing critique of their fighting forms or encouraging them to unionise or smthn dumb for the sole purpose of Pissing Off Boba(tm)
Meanwhile the clones are staring at this tiny, scruffy looking kid that no one knows how got into Kamino and multiple Important People are currently looking for as he gives unsolicited life advice and teaches them how to pickpocket
Han Solo deserves to encourage a bunch of baby clones to do Crime, while himself stuck looking like a baby, as a treat. He'd be a GREAT influence I'm sure
Hi I'm sorry (I'm really not) I'm still thinking about this actually and have had even more thoughts ab it.
I'm torn between saying Han actually tries to maintain the fact that he's time traveled as a secret or if he just. Does not give a shit. Why would he??? No really, why would he care??? And honestly, who would even believe him?
He's going around calling everyone 'kid' and talking about his ship and his wife and no one can tell what the fuck he's on about. The only time he even remotely thinks to pretend to act his age is when he's about to get in trouble with one of the adults.
Like "you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?" Type energy but it's Han suddenly remembering he looks like 8 and going "Uhh. You wouldn't hit a kid, right?" (He tries this on Boba exactly once and it goes about as well as you'd expect)
I'm dead set on Han just. Living in Kamino's vent system. He was a small, weasily street kid, don't tell me he doesn't know how to wiggle his way around tight spaces.
Torn also between Han being this rumored ghost known only to the clones, the Kaminoans and trainers clueless to his presence, or being actively known about and hunted down by the adults on planet. Maybe both honestly-- at first only the clones know about him, since they're the only ones Han is willing to approach (mostly in helping with directions and unwanted life advice) but eventually (read; after he finally finds Boba and attempts to throw down) his presence is made known to the whole and he's suddenly a wanted man (boy?) again.
I'm honestly so invested in the potential dynamic of like, 40 something Han in a child's body and all these baby clones he's picked up. He's telling them stories about his past adventures and they aren't sure if he's stealing them from somewhere or if he's just really creative. He's hearing their numbers and going "oh what the fuck that's a shitty name you could do better" then immediatley launching into a 5 page essay about how and why they should unionize (one he memorized from Leia after hearing it for the billionth time)
On that note, Chewie and Leia are like 90% of his impulse control (and Luke is maybe 5%) and they aren't here so he's off the fucking rails. Save the universe?? Stop Palpatine from rising??? The jedi from being massacred????? Yes he totally should but what if he tries to beat up Boba instead.
He has his priorities!! He knows what's important (to himself)!!! He'll uhh. Get around to those first bits. Eventually.
He's asking the baby clones if they know where Boba is and they just. Stare. And ask why he's looking for Boba of all people. And Han just grins and goes oh we have BUISNESS and the baby clones??? Don't know what that means????? Should they be worried???? Shit, should they be worried for Han or for Boba??????
Meanwhile, Boba just woke up in his 11 year old body sleeping in a room besides the father he watched die in a VERY traumatic event. He's a lot better adjusted now than before (and honestly, more than he's every been in pretty much any point of his life) but oh MAN he is having a time right now.
I'm just picturing him sort of spiraling a bit. Like. Ok he has his dad back (is Jango doomed to die?? If he continues on this path he absoloutley will, won't he?) And also all the brothers he once swore weren't his brothers and probably has whole heaps of emotions and tangled regrets about. And the war hasn't even started yet and he's lost all his friends and support systems and oh huh he has hair again that's weird and he shouldn't be feeling this kind of fucked up about that but he's young again and has no scars and it's got him feeling some kinda way and--
And then Han goddamn Solo is kicking in the vent and lunging for him. For some reason I'm picturing them specifically tumbling to the floor and rolling down a ship ramp just screeching at eachother as they try and claw at eachothers faces. It's messy and childish and there is 0 skill put into this fight and you know what? It gets both of their minds off the abject horror of having lost everything they knew to be home.
(Jango and some of the clones Han's befriended standing nearby watching in stunned, confused disbelief as they brawl is a MUST)
I have some more scattered thoughts and feelings ab this AU -- Han and Boba meeting a jedi and the jedi just staring in horror and going what the FUCK is going on with you kids SOULS rn, Han chasing Boba across the galaxy bc bitch you are not going to just LEAVE him, Han adopting a whole bunch of clones as his own as Boba awkwardly tries to approach his brothers as brothers, Jango just. Not having a single fucking clue as to what's happening right now. Baby's first wanted poster w Han being a wanted man on Kamino, etc. Etc.
But I've been typing for a while so like. I'll just come back to it in another 4 months idk
LMFAO at this and at the idea that maybe Han tries to pull that “you wouldn;t hit a kid would you?” on Jango who freezes only for Boba to immediately go “YOU’RE MY AGE WE’RE NOT KIDS!” and next thing Jango knows there’s a flailing shouting tornado of pissed off children in front of them as they brawl.
What happens when Obi-Wan shows up during the events of ATOTC? Does Han say anything about the Skywalker twins (who have yet to be born)? What would ANAKIN do with that information if it ever got to him? Would Boba and Han team up to fuck with this guy called Skywalker?
Does Han even recognize Obi-Wan as the shady old man Ben, that guy with a lightsaber who hired him to get off Tatoine, dragging him into the whole series to begin with?
Imagine, Obi-Wan is left alone by the Kaminoans for 5 seconds to read some documents, and Han pops out of a vent saying "Hey you wanna know something cool?" and trying to sell information to a potentially very confused jedi master without Han initially realizing who exactly he's talking to. I'm not sure whether Han realizing who Obi-Wan is would lead to more or less embellishment of the stories he tells though.
Hi happy holidays I'm back on my bullshit with this bc I am EATING UP the reblogs actually (this story REFUSES to leave me alone)
NO BECAUSE BABY HAN POKING HIS HEAD OUT OF A VENT AND TRYING TO SELL INFORMATION TO THIS POSH JEDI GUY ONLY TO LATER REALIZE OH MY GOD THATS THE CRAZY DUDE FROM THE DESERT
On one hand I definatley think there's a good argument to be made that Han should know Obi-wan's name, both from Luke, having been around (if very young) during the clone wars, general proximity to Jedi shit later in life, etc.
On the OTHER hand I can totally see Han learning Obi-Wan's name then just overriding it bc "nah that's crazy Ben and that's all you're ever gonna hear me call him"
Willful ignorance if you will
Sorry he only has space in his brain for so much and he's like 40, Ben was forever ago for him. Obi-Wan who??
But anyways YES, give me Obi-Wan being left alone for a brief minute and Han poking his head out of a vent where he's been waiting for his chance to poke at him.
Give me Han having heard a jedi was on world and suddenly remembering oh fuck right the Jedi. That's like. A thing. That I should probably try to take care of.
Give me Han trying to figure out how to do any of """this""" whatever this may be as he argues with the imagined voice of Luke who's giving some speech about saving the jedi and securing a bright future for the galaxy, no pressure or anything.
Ok NOW give me Han running head first into Boba in the vents because Boba also heard there was a jedi on world and also remembered that was a thing he should totally take care of. Only his ""take care of"" is a biiiit different than Han's.
(And maybe he doesn't actually know what he's trying to take care of. Maybe he still isn't sure if he's going to go for a kill or if he just wants to get a look at this jedi. This enemy of his father, the man he knows will cause him heaps of trouble in the future.)
But luckily enough for Boba he doesn't have to think about silly mental spirals and implications of the fact that this might just be the moment he's really able to change the future. About the fact that what he chooses to do in this very moment may well save his father's life or speed along his death. Because how can he think of that when he's suddenly running head first into Han !!!
And Han hisses something along the lines of "what the fuck are you doing here"
To which Boba spits back something like, "fuck you, you don't own the vents"
To which Han snipes back with "Oh so you're just copying me huh?? Couldn't get enough of me kicking your ass in the halls now you're coming to have me beat you up in the vents huh???"
Meanwhile Obi-Wan looks up in concern as loud clanging noises and enraged screaming comes from the ceiling, before two boys tumble out of a vent and onto the floor, practically hissing at eachother with half screamed insults Obi-Wan can barley even catch, let alone understand.
The boys calm down in a few seconds when they reach some sort of stalemate of tangled limbs and realize that oh fuck they have an audience and oh fuck it's the jedi and oh FUCK neither of them have actually decided on that game plan they were agonizing over
So they have a little staring match for a few seconds before Obi-Wan gently prods them with some sort of "well you boys seem to be having fun" or smthn, which seems to be the kick Han needs to start winding up the bullshit clock. He does what he does best, which is to say he invents some shit on the spot. Something something infiltration something something brain chips(?) something something sith.
Honestly Han himself doesn't even know half of what he's saying he's just kind of tossing out buzzwords he half remembers from Luke's distressed drunken rambles about jedi history. It seems to work tho bc he DEFINATLEY has Obi-Wan's attention
(Meanwhile Boba is still undecided on the murder thing but Han being there is distracting enough that he's setting it aside. For now. Ignore the fact that this kid could not take Obi-Wan in a fight and he's delusional for thinking he has a chance at taking him head on. So actually him deciding not to do the murder is very much helping in the self preservation department.)
So, Obi-Wan is very interested in what this kid who clearly knows something and clearly doesn't belong here has to say, but uh oh !!! The long necks are on the way back!!!
Han shouts sometbing about finding him later, or maybe he gives him the squad name of that squad he adopted or smthn. And the boys make a mad dash for the vents, and Han makes it there first and totally does his best to kick Boba in the face while shouting something about finding his own vent. And Boba may or may not attempt to bite his ankle (the world will never know) before hissing "Jedi." at Obi-Wan and clambering into the vent after Han.
The Kaminoan's come in to the vent cover on the floor and there's a moment where they and Obi-Wan just kind of stare at the open vent, soft shuffles and clangs echoing through it as the boys make their escape. And the Kamioan quietly clicks at their com and goes "the child was spotted in work room 36." before apologizing to Obi-Wan for the inconvenience and very much refusing to answer any more questions about Han.
There is no child in the vents of ba sing se oooooo
Anyways, OMEGA INTERLUDE !!!!!
Someone mentioned Han running into Omega and Omega just having no frame of reference for what the fuck any sort of "normal" child is supposed to act like.
Han is doing or saying something super out of pocket as Omega watches enraptured before finally asking if this is what all kids their age are supposed to be like. And Han is torn between going "Oh no no I'm special, I'm not like other boys, you won't find anyone like me ever ;)" and going "Oh yeah I'm so normal don't worry" but like ironically
Actually please let him assure her he's super special and one of a kind only for her to later meet Boba, or maybe one of the clones Han's taken under his wing, and have them do something very Han-like. And Omega is just standing in the corner observing like hmmm. Maybe I'm the weird one and this is just normal. (it is not)
Yoooooooo
a silly hc I like to think about is that most Jedi have a very vague concept of money.
sure they know what money is and get the principle of exchanging it for goods and services, but they grow up without having to use it in the Temple so what's the point of knowing the price of a jogan fruit if you can just ask for one in the refectory?
The accounting department is traditionally run by non-Jedi because none of them knows how taxes work or what a balance sheet is. Accountants working at the Temple are the most exasperated people in the galaxy and their daily conversations are like,
"master Kenobi went on a 2-week long mission and didn't ask for an allocation. Again. I wonder if he's going to admit he forgot and call for help at one point or try to sell most of his clothes at the highest price possible. Can't wait to read his report."
"can someone explain to me how Master Fisto left a month ago with 400 credits and came back with twice that amount? What did he do to earn that much money?"
"remember that time Master Jinn asked us to send him the equivalent of the GDP of a small mid rim planet because he gambled on a Force-intuition? yeah, I don't miss this guy."
anyway my point was actually: Anakin Skywalker, who grew up working in a shop and has never paid a price he didn't bargain for before, is one of the only Jedi the accounting department considers responsible and pragmatic.
Anakin brings back itemized receipts and asks if any of this can be labeled as a business expense, because his mom taught him how to thoroughly cook the books in ways the Hutts wouldn't notice, mostly because Watto said they had to, and he knows he's a law-abiding citizen and a Jedi now, but he can at least find the limits of what's a legal tax break, right?
Obi-Wan watches in confused horror when Cody and Anakin start getting along specifically in regards to requisition forms and balancing a checkbook.
Cody also gets most of his belongings through a pre-set system like the Jedi, but Cody is unfortunately a clone, and more unfortunately the CMC, and so he is aware of just how many credits the Senate assigns to each life in his care, just how far the budgets stretch, and just how much more money they'll have for better rations if people just submit requisition forms right the first time, because efficiency saves time, and time is money, and money is what the Senate actually cares about, and Fox and Thire just figured out how to shift surplus labor units to the consumables column without someone throwing a shitfit.
Palpatine never stops getting obliterated by Padmé his entire life. Like imagine you’re trying to do evil advisor political things and then there’s this child queen cutting you off at the pass every time. Oh okay no worries you try and assassinate her but then she gets even more politically adept and then seduces and marries the guy you’ve been working really hard to groom. Rats! But no problem, because now she’s dead and you’ve succeeded in making her husband into your metal fleshmachine murdersub but—SURPRISE! Turns out she’d been hitting that freakazoid raw during every wartime conjugal visit and now you’re getting your ass kicked by not one but TWO of her kids, which, given they both have 50% of her DNA, is like kind of like getting your ass kicked by a genetically combined total of 100% Padme Amidala. Crazy.
“nobody in miami knows how to drive” “nobody in austin knows how to drive” “nobody in chicago knows how to drive” maybe we shouldnt have cars
Maybe we should find people who are good at driving and give them really big cars, and then people can just pay a small fee to be driven around the city. Maybe in a regular loop so people always know where they'll be at certain times of the day.
But what if those really big cars were also really long and fast?
And what if they ran on electricity? But what to call them?
I like the way you think
