What a novel idea.

controversial writing tip

open a document and start writing

unrealistic. blocked,

A tip for smutfic writers: the word “sizeable” will never be sexy in any context whatsoever.

how about “considerable”

“Considerable” makes me picture the appendage in question being deeply pondered, like one of them whips their shlong out and their partner is just

What about “Brobdingnagian” or “Bunyanesque”?

“Brobdingnagian” is only acceptable if your smutfic is also a Swiftian political satire - in which case, please post the link immediately.

There is no conceivable circumstance, pornographic or otherwise, in which it’s acceptable to describe something as “Bunyanesque”.

@reallyelegantsharkfish I challenge thee >:)

are you challenging me to talk about words people shouldn’t say if they are trying to be sexy bc you know the top of my list is jizz & cum

really any word for ejaculate other than come is gross

don’t say load – not even just sexy loads, any kind of load, bc it’s been ruined for me by ~derek’s huge load of jizz~ 

don’t say anything about channels or voids or… don’t get weird and metaphorical with your junk descriptions

the word musk is really upsetting to me but i admit to that probably being very me-specific 

hmmmmm i will continue pondering

I was actually challenging you to use these words and make them sexy but I accept this response as well

Sorry bout “musk” though because you’re definitely gonna have to deal with that one from time to time 😂

The word ‘member’ honest to fucking god just call it a dick for shit’s sake you aren’t the lady with the cat mug from 10 things i hate about you

REGINOLD’S QUIVERING MEMBER!!!!

LMAO I love that movie

^I can’t quite convey the noise I make when I think of the phrase “quivering member” through type, but I can assure you it is not sexy

SAAAAAAAME.

well what were you doing while you should have been writing? 

I was over on the bench….

Fic authors deserve more credit.

Story time: I started a book about 23 hours ago and just finished it. Also in that time I slept for 10 hours, spent time with family, was at work, etc. Anyway, I enjoyed the book (Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda). But it felt like it flew by, so after I finished I looked up the word count because what are pages? Pages are meaningless. I only function in word counts anymore.

The estimate I found was 58,580. My immediate reaction was “oh, that’s why. That’s nothing!” But what a shitty response. Because no. That’s not nothing. That’s a whole. Damn. Book. An entire novel! And Fic authors regularly bust out 30k, 50k, 100k, 150k words. AND THEY DO IT FOR FREE. WHILE WORKING AND LIVING THEIR LIVES.

So anyway, thank your favorite fic author today because they deserve it. Because they’re amazing. They’re the MVPs.

tfw ur godson accidentally calls u dad for the first time aka i’m in denial

If your family doesn't accept your sexuality or gender identity, I am now your family and I love you.

If the only way to cure Remus lycanthropy was to somehow transfer the curse to someone else, you bet your ass Sirius would volunteer to take it from him.

But Remus would never allow it. So it would never happen.

Here’s to you nonnie!

Freudhood: Remus has no chills when it comes to feelings

If Sirius and Remus had lived, they would have been 55 when they legally got married. Face it, everyone would have cried. Remus would be a full on silver fox(or wolf) while Sirius, with his Black genes, would still have perfect hair.

James would probably be half grey and bawl more than anyone as Sirius’s best man. Lily would be Remus’s best man.

after hogwarts when they all got their own flats and were figuring out how to be Adults i imagine lily and remus bonded over their idiot boyfriends both being terrified of vacuum cleaners, james because he’s a Useless Pureblood and sirius because he’s a dog

like james jumps out of his skin the first time he hears one and yelps “what the hell is that monstrous thing lily what on earth are you doing”

and sirius won’t admit he’s afraid of the noise but he hides under the bed every single time and when remus catches him under there he’s like “no moony i was not hiding i was just looking for my old quidditch jersey i was feeling nostalgic okay i’m a goddamn gryffindor i was not hiding”

Sirius’ fear of the vacuum cleaner is in fact canon. 

What about storms and loud noises? Is he one of that kind of dogs?

Storms and fireworks are rough. He sneaks into Remus’ bed during thunder storms and has to use ear plugs for any prank involving explosives