touché rednecks

Buttholes dont give you cancer

That’s a sentence I never expected to read but you’re not wrong

I get nosebleeds sometimes

Catholic Church: You can’t divorce Catherine of Aragon.

Henry VIII: yOu CaN’t DiVoRcE cAtHeRiNe Of ArAgOn

beauty and the beast but reverse, i kiss the love of my life and she turns into a sick fucking monster and it’s awesome

shrek

never mind post cancelled 

coward

Back in middle school, my friends and I used a very simple coded language for writing secret messages. I saw some posts about needing to hide one’s beliefs from partners/bosses/parents so I wanted to share it with you! These would also be great to incorporate into sigils since they are simple lines and dots.

This is from club penguin

what disease do beekeepers get

hives

hives is a skin reaction due to excess antihistimines not a disease

hives

antihistamines are drugs that are used to treat allergic reactions like hives, hives are a result of histamines. 

hives

turn on sound

Americans have literally no banter

idk what country this is coming from but we’ve probably beaten you in a war at some point

I’m American

Civil war

#America: “ill kick anyone’s ass. I’ll kick your ass. I’ll kick your dogs ass. I’ll kick my own ass”

”?!” makes a sound in my head, but I can’t describe what it is.

Tim Allen from home improvement

The only good thing reddit has ever produced https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/65788g/im_3_i_know_everything_ama/?st=1Z141Z3&sh=f48ba715

Hunchback of Notre Dame pitch meeting

“I’m talking SEXUAL LUST. I’m talking GENOCIDE. I’m talking heavy RELIGIOUS OVERTONES. also there’s gonna be a George Costanza gargoyle for the kiddos”

Read this in Bill Wurtz from History of Japan's voice

Hunchback of Notre Dame pitch meeting

“I’m talking SEXUAL LUST. I’m talking GENOCIDE. I’m talking heavy RELIGIOUS OVERTONES. also there’s gonna be a George Costanza gargoyle for the kiddos”

"This is you"

Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a 2 minute guitar solo

“basically you wanna find lyrics that talk about how hard it is being white and in love” 

IM YELLING

Writing fanfic as a non-US citizen like

In case anyone actually wants to know the answer: it’s the plot of Cars. The difference is literally the plot of Cars.

Highways are usually two-to-four (at the widest) lane roads that meander the US landscape. Think Route 66, dinosaur statues, mom-and-pop diners, southern gothic. There are state-level and national-level highways. Some run for a 100 miles, some, like US HWY-17, run most of the East Coast:

That red line is US HWY 17. If you follow it, you will go through tiny towns. You may hit stoplights. I kid you not, you will see spinning cows on poles. Businesses exist along highways that you are encouraged to pull over and visit. They were designed to let you see America.

Yeah.

Now, interstates were made in the 50s and were made to get people from Point A to Point B. These suckers range from four lanes to eight lanes around big cities. They cut through everything. If you want to get to a business, you have to take an exit ramp and detour. They are great for getting places fast. You can still have weird experiences on them, but usually at night, when your eyes start playing tricks on you. Or there are deer.

I-95 is a massive corridor that runs from the Florida Keys to the Canadian Border. You can see the difference just looking at the maps.

As far as writing goes:

If you want quirky character development inside the car, you’re looking for an interstate. The majority of Americans take interstates to go on road trips.

If you want mysterious and/or supernatural hijinks, you’re looking for a highway. They are weird, weird places, and they’re surprisingly easy to wind up on if you leave the interstate.

(Even in America, no one’s really sure what a freeway is. Just ignore it.)

Freeway and interstate are basically the same thing and most people where I'm from say highway for all 3

you: braid my hair and call me pretty 

me: