meg

I always am about to go to sleep at a beautiful 11pm and then something happens to me

the world is so beautiful you can eat rice here

i think junie b jones would kill greg heffley in a fight

She's like 6 years old, Greg's at least 12, maybe 13. She's ornery for sure, but he's wily. He could take her, easy

she would bite his jugular like a feral dog and he would die

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Engaging in psychic battle

good morning God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everybody’s problem

OMG MY NEW SHOES CAME :3 ignore my ugly house arrest ankle bracelet. haha

fuck everything else this is the real post of the decade

Yeah, that doesn't prevent pregnancy.

Dfgajagakala it’s so you don’t get a UTI 😂

*facepalm* So, given that sex ed in the US is a tire fire:

Vagina-having people have a shorter urethra, which means we’re more prone to UTIs because the bacteria doesn’t have to travel as far to get up into your bladder and cause a problem.

Which means if you’re exposing your bits to bacteria (as with sex), peeing will flush out bacteria in the urethra. (Urine isn’t actually sterile - that’s a myth - but you’re *supposed to* have a little bit of bacteria - that’s how bodies work. But it still flushes things out that shouldn’t be there.)

Oh! You should ALSO pee after you masturbate, especially if it involves penetration with fingers/toys/etc

So I’ve blocked like five transphobes on this post, which I feel should have been relatively uncontroversial.

If you’re one of the people saying “You meant ‘women’”, fuck you. I meant “people who have a vagina, regardless of their gender or lack thereof”, and you can go fuck yourself with a cactus.

And you should pee afterward, so you don’t get a UTI.

[Image Description: a photograph of a wolf in on top of a rock, looking over the forest below. In orange 3D text it says "ALWAYS PEE AFTER SEX". Majestic. End ID]

T h a n k y o u ! ~

bitches will listen to a female cover of "can't help falling in love" and cry as they fantasize about a future with a loving wife. bitches will hear the line "take my hand/ take my whole life too" and just fucking lose it. it's me. i'm bitches.

The American education system

Now that’s a proper business hug.

Dogs are great because they could rip you apart and eat you but they don’t because they want belly rubs instead.

This was posted on Instagram, and I think that everyone on tumblr should hear it too. (warning- loud! And sad!)

Eliza: “Who did this Alexander did you know?”

Alexander:

Eliza and Alex at the beginning of Stay Alive reprise