there is no accent to laughter

She is the poem - June Bates

Doggo's First Day Back At Work After Having A Week Off

(Source)

I’ll never forget the time I was sitting with this guy, nice kid, didn’t know him well, I think we must have had a bottle of wine or some questionable hashish or something, and in response to an awkward silence I just started talking and ended up going on a long meandering rant about how ugly American robins are. I’m talking a full monologue. I had an intro and conclusion. It was pointlessly vehement. I have never been so mean or loquacious about anything in my life.

Consider my horror when this perfectly nice guy wordlessly lifted his shirt to reveal a full-torso prismacolor tattoo of his spiritual soul animal, the American robin.

Their scientific name sounds like "Migrating Turd" but otherwise I find them charming if fairly derpy and mundane. I don't know if I'd get a tattoo of one though. They're like the potato of American birds.

I have no actual animosity towards them. They’re fine. I like them. They remind me if my college roommate and beloved friend. I don’t know why I said any of that—I was grasping at straws for something kind of provocative to say and failed so catastrophically that I was catapulted into a Seinfeld skit.

eerily similar to the time in college someone tried to make conversation by making fun of a silly book a former high school teacher of theirs had written only for me to just pull out a physical copy of the exact book because i’d realized he was talking about my dad

the foot seeks the mouth like leaves seek the sun

yesterday was the ten year anniversary of my insensitive American Robin comment and my tattooed friend messaged me to celebrate the “funniest thing that had ever happened to him” so sometimes critically failing a charisma check leads to a whole decade of joy for someone else

Plants actually move around a lot in 24 hours, they just do it very slowly | source

William B. “Bill” Watterson II.

the best part of each x-files episode is waiting for the end to see who's gonna do the sign off report cause when it's scully it's usually something like "once again, despite my partner's opinion to the contrary, i cannot confidently say that there is any scientific basis to the theory that alien ghost blood was responsible for the disappearance of the crack in the liberty bell" meanwhile if it's mulder we get gems like "are we alone in the universe? what does it truly mean to be alone? did bigfoot fuck the speaker of the house? as always i am left with more questions than answers and don't know who to trust and i think scully changed her shampoo and..."

Kamakura, Japan. ♡

Like a true dad

Which is Your Black Cat?

moon snail 🌕

Easter egg for office workers: if you go onto Excel and press ctrl+left, then ctrl+down, you will reach cell XFD1048576. If you put a dot in there, then ctrl+A and fill every cell in black, you can then print 34 million black pages from your office printer and get fired