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The Blog From Hell

@grandma-anus-has-arrived-blog

Satan made a blog
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justnoodlefishthings

I’m on a Kitchen Nightmare binge, and I’ve noticed something.

Gordon Ramsey, as brutally honest and rude he can be, is never rude to the servers.

All the waiters and waitresses he encounters (that I’ve seen so far) have been treated with the utmost respect. He’s just so polite to them.

And that’s why I love Gordon. Wait staff have it hard. And even this Three Michelin Star chef treats them as equals.

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awellboiledicicle

Kitchen Nightmares

Restaurant Owner: Help, our business is failing
Gordon Ramsey: Here's what's wrong and what you need to do to fix it.
Owner: How about fuck you and every bone in your body
Gordon Ramsey: YOU called ME, you zip-lock bag of wilted lettuce.
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tiefightrs

the signs as shit gordon ramsay says in kitchen nightmares

aries: you fucking donut
taurus: i would like to pray before i eat this
gemini: you stuck up precious little bitch
cancer: bland as fuck
leo: have you ever sat at a table and watched 6 customers with its fucking donkey dick swinging in front of its face? it's hilarious
virgo: no, don't eat that, i don't want to be responsible for putting you back in the hospital
libra: it's not a crab cake... it's a crap cake
scorpio: that baby was fucking ugly
sagittarius: *gags and spits out food*
capricorn: looks like a fucking flip-flop
aquarius: stuffed clams. looks like a dog shat in the shells
pisces: i need the toilet, excuse me, i knew it would come out faster than it went in
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guardian-of-our-galaxy

What I love about Kitchen Nightmares is that Gordon Ramsey is a really famous chef, knows his shit about food, known for being a hard ass And still people are like “I’m going to fuckin fight him”

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nudne
failing restaurant owner: hey gordon can you tell us why we are failing. also what do you think of our food
gordon: your food is shit and theres a nest of live rats living in your kitchen
failing restautant owner: what the fuck. how dare you
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renfamous

British Kitchen Nightmares: “The risotto is overcooked and your restaurant needs new lighting.”

American Kitchen Nightmares: “YOUR STAFF DOES DRUGS ON THE CLOCK, YOUR FAMILY THINKS YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE AND THERE’S A LIVE RAT IN MY FOOD.”

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beckyhop

I like Kitchen Nightmares, but every so often I imagine a scenario where I’m dining out one night and suddenly Gordon Ramsay bursts out of the kitchen shouting “I’M SHUTTING IT DOWN!” and I just think Oh god what did I just eat

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santasbroke
Kitchen Nightmares UK version: "Mushrooms on toast is a simple dish. Just mushrooms on toast. Yours was actually pretty good, there was just a lot going on you probably didn't need."
Kitchen Nightmares US version: COMING UP NEXT ON KITCHEN NIGHTMARES *Ride of the Valkyries plays* *50 tracks of explosion sounds* CHEF RAMSAY DOESN'T liKE THE F00D??????!!!!!! *strobe like montage of Gordon Ramsay eating intercut with atomic bomb stock footage* "WHAT THE F%%% IS THIS F%&%ING GARBAGE????" *Chef throws plate* *shot is repeated 4 times* "UNF%%%ING BELIEVABLE" *SURROUND SOUND MACHINE GUN SOUNDS* *graphic of Gordon Ramsay literally throwing a knife at your face* *sound of shattering windows*
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uriine

every episode of Kitchen Nightmares

Gordon Ramsay sits across a filthy table from a sweaty, aging man. the restaurant is cavernous, yet only six tables can be seen, each in various states of disarray. there are two customers: one is sending back her food and the other is dead at the bar. Rats crawl in and out of his pockets and open mouth.

sweaty, aging man: never in my 47 years here have i ever gotten a complaint

Gordon Ramsay: you’re a weak, Small Man. your food is frozen, the beef is raw. Fuck You

young employee: