I just made the mistake of sneezing in my bedroom.  The birds now know that I’m awake, and Morning Scream Fest has begun.

Morning Scream Fest usually starts between 7 and 8am at my house.  Today at 7:35, I realized it had been awfully quiet.  Had I just been so quiet working at my computer that the birds didn’t realize I was awake?  So I performed an experiment.  Out of nowhere, I started yelling, “BIRDS!  BIRDS!  BIRDS!”  And then I yelled their names.

And I was met with ABSOLUTE SILENCE from the birds.

Then I ran down to check on them because I was like “they’re not screaming, wtf are they okay???” and I started to get worried.  But they were totally fine and awake.  Just confused.  Apparently birds don’t know what to do if you scream in the morning before they do.

But then I realized the horrible truth.

I had become one of them.

I am one of them now.

I scream.

mood

lol at how gay people think they’re oppressed…..walk a mile in a minecraft youtuber’s shoes and tell me how you feel then 🙄😑

IT’S TEA TIME LADIES

real gamers are too lazy to play games

real gamers have depression

real gamers cry themselves to sleep at night asking where they went wrong

Y'ALL OK?????

yea sure bro 

My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it. 

Here are some of my favorites:

-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake.  -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”

people who sleep with one pillow make me sick

people who sleep with more than one pillow are shown to be more lonely and depressed

wingull becomes exponentially better when you remove the wings

*Dangerous Woman starts playing* Friend 1: Don’t start Friend 2: I’m begging you Me:

Lago di Fusine

happy easter!! i’m only wearing this flower crown ironically

Fun game for ladies: In front of a geeky dude, say “Silence, Earthling! My name is Darth Vader! I am an extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan!”

If he gets all mad, condescendingly explains to you why you’re wrong, or starts talking about that “fake geek girl” nonsense, not only do you know that you should stay far, far away from him, but you also get to tell him he’s one to talk about people not having enough nerd cred

Because you just watched a “Back to the Future” reference fly straight over his head

dont you mean mcfly over his head

Stylish Watches Collection

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Michael Pearce, The Angel of Death, 2011