my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

im in this meme and i dont like it

question to all girls

where tf do you put your titters when you go to sleep

In the titter drawer, you neanderthal.

ok namaste

i love when you hear a song and you're like “oh id absolutely stumble through the snow bleeding from a knife stuck in my gut to this”

bro that guy in Fight Club gay asf for hallucinating Brad Pitt in slutty little outfits to hang out with

I love the guy who’s clearly a teacher who came over with the intent to tear two fucking idiot teenagers apart from each other only to find these fucking nerds it probably made his entire month

Is no one gonna talk about the kid in the striped sweater screaming his head off?

You do not spark joy.

Goodbye.

running up the hill to make a deal with god again. anyone need anything

mom: honey, what would you like for your birthday?! :)

me:

mom: no silly!! i mean a REAL present!!! 

me:

Are they on a date