okay Jaques 😭😭 why is this so funny
it’s tragic because i didn’t include Orlando’s response, it’s even funnier. get him Orlando. you tell him.

okay Jaques 😭😭 why is this so funny
it’s tragic because i didn’t include Orlando’s response, it’s even funnier. get him Orlando. you tell him.
“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
An actual World Heritage Post
how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it
one week until ten years of Spiders Georg
How do I explain to you people that interracial relationships are okay
Not every white person dating a POC is fetishizing. White people can be respectful and responsible when it comes to culture and relationships and not everyone has bad intentions.
Asian people can date Black people without you saying shit like “your kids will be so pretty” they’re not dating for pretty kids. They’re dating bc they like each other.
Someone can dress their partner in clothing from their culture if they want. Someone can take their partner to cultural events if they want.
People in relationships can share cultures, experiences and love without it being toxic or skin deep.
Their partner isn’t culturally appropriating. Their partner is being shown the ultimate form of love, bc their partner trusts them and loves them enough to share their history and heritage.
Yeah, dating someone from your culture is nice bc you automatically have similar experiences. But you’re not limited to dating people with the same experiences. Loving someone is sharing and growing and being together.
Interracial relationships aren’t always toxic, and some of y’all need to stop projecting onto other people.
👆 THIS 👆 👏👏👏
Calling ineterracial relationships toxic or fetishizing just seem like anti race mixing or racism with extra steps
This reminded me of this
If your opinion is that interracial relationships are toxic, I don't really care what sort of justification you're hiding behind, I'm going to assume you're racist.
Because what is the alternative stupid? Think about what you're arguing for for two seconds. Segregation? Are you really trying to argue segregation is less racist than a couple sharing their culture? Fuck off.
realizing cis women also struggle with “passing” a lot of times and has a lot of the same issues with dysphoria trans women have (issues with putting on/losing weight, dissatisfied with bust size, not feeling “feminine” enough, etc.) has done a lot to combat dysphoria for me, cause it’s like, wow, we really have a lot more in common than we have in difference huh
terfs are starting to find this post, and i gotta say: terfs getting mad at a post that explicitly acknowledges cis women’s struggles and with notes full of cis women agreeing and talking about their own struggles and experiences really speaks volumes about how anti-feminist, and frankly misogynistic, terfs really are, that they don’t even give a shit about cis women’s struggles and experiences
Reblog this if you pronounce “.gif” as “GIF.”
NOT JIF,
GIF.
WE SHALL SEE WHICH ONE PREVAILS.
File under: even more blatant proof cis people can joke about trans people without it being at their expense
I think cis allies should start beating the shit out of anyone trotting out the trans = groomer line
No this is not a joke or hyperbole. They are trying to get people killed. Beat them up. Scare them. Make them fucking bleed. Teach them a lesson.
The facists have found this post and are upset lmao
Anyway hope you get your teeth smashed in 😘
I saw a video a while back where some nazi was clearly antagonizing outside of a drag show and one of the people responded "Do something then." And the nazi (already cowering back mind you) asked, "oh so you can get me with a hate crime?" And the guy with full rage said, "No so I can fucking kill you."
More of that please.
if they rebooted austin powers it would either be the most tone deaf unfunny incredibly offensive movie in years OR they'd do it right and really keep with the times in being very self aware and it would be one of the best films in decades. austin powers would be a massive support of trans rights because trans women means more women for him to shag
oh your pronouns are she/they? well baby lemme she/them titties shagadelic
austin powers discovers bisexuality and it blows his fucking mind
sub plots of the movie include him learning who he thought was a woman he previously had relations with is a trans man now and powers teaching him the ways of picking up women & powers learning he has a daughter from one of his many escapades who's accidentally followed in his footsteps to also become a spy. the two have to team up and powers struggles being a father after being absent for so long, but eventually it's revealed his daughter is a lesbian and they bond over their mutual love of shagging women
the only joke made in regards to the trans man's gender is powers going "you're a man now? now that's groovy, honey! sorry, is it still okay to call you honey?"
the trans man is revealed from powers learning about bisexuality and lamenting that he could've also been shagging men this entire time, only for the trans man to be like "well...."
instead of the usual awful transphobic joke of being disgusted powers is instead ecstatic that he's already had relations with another man and that the pressure is already off for future encounters
there's a mid credits scene of him celebrating his first planned encounter with a man and him making a comment about how he's finally been with "both" genders, where he's then informed of non-binary people existing and how there's a whole world of genders for him to explore and it freeze frames on his shocked but absolutely delighted face
Okay, but is he still from the 60s, or is he from the 90s now?
Well, fuck me sideways. Connections have been made.
My girlfriend has this specific gesture she does sometimes, a very particular way of turning her wrist around and locking her fingers in one specific grip. Fast or slow, the angle of her wrist and the rhythm of the movement are always exactly the same, and at this point I've learned to recognize the motion well enough that she could do it with her back towards me and I know she's doing it.
The first time I saw her do it I thought she was putting something into her pocket, but once I noticed her making it more often I started making connections. I saw her doing it unconsciously when some situation in the house is getting tense - not during the casual sparring arguments with my other housemates, but the serious fights where shit is about to actually get fucking real - and I figured that it's a nervous thing, she doesn't like where this is going and it's scaring her. So that became my cue that it's time to back down.
I don't know when she noticed that I noticed her doing it. We've never talked about it, but at some point she started doing it on purpose, as her way of telling me that I should stop causing problems. Rotating her hand slowly means she's seeing a problem brewing and it's better that I watch myself before I start escalating it, and a quick flick and snap means whatever I was just about to say or do, I should cut that shit out right this fucking second. It works for some reason, so I've respected that.
My girlfriend does some volunteering favors for the neighbors here sometimes. Today she asked if I wanted to come along to walk this one old couple's dog, and I was feeling up for it so I went along. My father was terrified of dogs so I'm not familiar with them, but her family has always had them.
So we were walking, talking about something else, enjoying the nice weather for once, when my girlfriend saw another dog walker approaching. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, but the other dog walker started pulling the dog back with this roller leash thing whatever the fuck they're called. And then the old couples' dog started growling.
With the familiarity of someone who's been handling dogs all her life my girlfriend grabbed the little fucker's leash, wrapping it around the width of her palm and gripping it to pull the dog closer a second before it could bolt to attack. A move she's probably done countless times in her life, that she could do in her sleep, by instinct, without ever even thinking about it. A gesture I've learned to fucking spot from across the room from the corner of my eye. That exact same fucking twirl and grip. I have no idea if she noticed me noticing it or making the connection.
She's fucking learned to pull my fucking leash back when I'm about to start shit.
I wish I knew more about this story, but this should be 100% standard procedure in every bar or club.
Never gonna know them, but shoutout to the healthcare workers who are breaking the law to help their patients get life-saving care. I'll never see an article about you because knowing you would risk everything including jail time. Nurses who lie on medical records so their patients can get abortions. Doctors making up shit so their patients can have HRT.
Wherever you are, you are keeping your promise to help your patient.
who wants to get married to me by authority of the cocaine bear
I wrote a short vaguely historical vaguely spooky ghost story about Jews and burial rites and I have to justify it existing so here it is.
“Are you the leader of the Jews?”
There was no good that ever came from that question. Rabbi Jacob stood in the doorway, one hand on the knob and the other on the frame, ready to yank it closed at a moment’s notice.
“Well, not all of the Jews.”
The man at the door made a frustrated little grunt. He was clad almost completely in dark grey clothing that seemed to fade into the shadows of the darkened street behind him. The collar of his coat was pulled up so high that it was impossible to make out more than a pair of sharp grey eyes beneath the brim of his hat, and the cloak he wore over the top of it concealed most of his body. There could be any number of guns, knives, or angry mobs hidden under there.
“But the ones in this town, yes? You are their priest, you lead prayers and weddings and so on?” the man said impatiently.
“Rabbi. Yes. I’m the rabbi, that’s correct.” Jacob said, stiffening his posture and assuming the most neutral expression he could manage. Being completely ignorant didn’t exclude someone from being completely dangerous–if anything, that heightened the risk. “What can I do for you?”
“Rabbi,” the man repeated, as if to seal it into his memory properly. One gloved hand squeezed the pommel of his walking stick. “And you preside over the funerals of your people, and perform the rites to send them to the next world?”
“Yyyyyes?” Jacob shifted his weight to his back foot, poised to slam the door in his face. This sounded unpleasantly like an opening for a death threat.
“To any of them, regardless of the sins they carried in life?” An eagerness entered the man’s voice.
“Of course. Though sin as a Jewish concept differs from the Christian…mm. Yes, of course.” The scholars of old might have debated the nature of the evil in men’s souls until the crack of dawn but Jacob had no intention of doing so at half-past midnight with a complete stranger.
The shadowed man took a half step forward and Jacob leaned back to maintain the distance between him. “What about a gentile?” the man pressed. “Would you tend to his corpse too?”
“Huh?”
“There is a man needing to be buried tonight who requires absolution. He is not a Jew, but a Jew’s prayers may be close enough for what is needed.”
“Um. It’s not usually a request I get.” Jacob tried to keep his voice calm and soothing. There was some kind of entrapment lingering in the conversation, he just knew it. That or a giant box of crazy that had managed to dress itself stylishly. Gentiles asking Jews intrusive but urgent questions never turned out well for their target–a day-long case of irritation was the best outcome the target could hope for.
The man’s hands pressed together as he completed the full step forward, making Jacob back up into the doorframe. Desperation was in his tone and Jacob was forced back over the threshold just to stay out of his grip “All I need is someone to accompany me to the cemetery to consecrate the body and pray for its soul. Barely an hour of your time. I cannot pay you with anything but my gratitude, but you will have it eternally.”
“And you came to me?”
The man sighed. Even the top hat seemed to slouch slightly as his body slumped. “I have asked every holy man in the city, Catholic and Protestant alike, and they have refused to come to the cemetery,“ he bemoaned. "The last one told me to visit you. Likely a ploy to make me leave faster, but you are all I have left.”
“What did this man do, that so many people refused him? Who was he?”
The man at the door hesitated. The sharp eyes vanished as his eyelids slid down, and then appeared a few moments later.
“Must you ask?” he said quietly. “Is it not enough that it is a corpse which can do no man harm any longer, and you will lose nothing but a half-night of sleep?”
The inside of Jacob’s head was ringing with warning bells like the frantic clanging of gongs announcing a fire. He swallowed and tried to ignore them.
“You say he wasn’t Jewish?”
“He was not…much of anything. He felt God had no interest in him, and returned a lack of interest in kind. Perhaps if he had been more attentive he wouldn’t lie in a pauper’s grave…or perhaps he would have not changed a whit.” The man’s voice was bitter and the sharp eyes briefly looked away from Jacob, to Jacob’s deep relief.
“Who was this man, to you?” he asked.
“Close. I would prefer to say no more. Please, rabbi. It must be done, and it must be tonight.”
Seminary did not prepare me for this, Jacob thought, and then thought again. There is absolutely something in the Talmud about this and I’ve just forgotten it, because I’m an idiot and I’m half asleep and there is a goy on my doorstep asking me to go out to the cemetery with him at midnight to bury a man whose name he won’t tell me.
“Look, I’ll need someone to help dig the grave.”
“Of course.”
“And a coffin. A plain pine box. And I’ll need to get my supplies from the–”
“But you’ll do it?” said the man excitedly, standing up even taller. “And do it tonight, before the cock crows?”
Jacob held up his hands to keep the man from getting even further into his personal space. “Fine. Yes. Give me half an hour and a lazy rooster.”
The cloak almost seem to inflate as the man gasped for joy. He grabbed Jacob’s hands and shook both with enthusiasm, sending Jacob stumbling. “Thank God for you, my good rabbit! Whatever God there is, thank God for you!”
The man ran off into the shadowed streets and was out of sight almost immediately.
Jacob’s hands slowly fell back to his side as he mumbled, “Rabbi,” to the darkness.
My wife is going to kill me if whatever’s at the cemetery doesn’t.
that is squirrel food as well also. you put it out into your backyard which is the squirrels houses as well. in what sense is that not food for the squirrel. cop mindset honestly i do not trust it
putting a tasty pastrami sandwich outside but the plate says ONLY FOR VIRGOS
Once a gift leaves my hand, it is not mine. To do anything else is not to give a gift, but an obligation.
Context doesn’t matter. Gifts are Gifts.
Anti-revenge narrative this, anti-revenge narrative that, I personally think that Inigo Montoya had the right idea when he stabbed Count Rugen in the gut and said "I want my father back, you son of a bitch"
A lot of revenge arcs end with the hero saying "there's nothing you can do to bring my loved one back, so me seeking revenge is pointless." The Princess Bride's revenge arc ends with Inigo Montoya saying "there's nothing you can do to bring my loved one back, so there's nothing that can save you."
At the end of the day I’m just a girl who likes to bask in sunlight and read books and make silly little annotations and eat fruit and be grateful and find the joy in the mundane and understand that everything is temporary and be completely disconnected when the time calls for it
when i die grow a tree over my body so i can see people read books under me