Dear You

Please don't every try so hard to fit in with anyone; you are just going to depress yourself. You are so much more than you think! People who don't like don't understand how much you're worth. I think you've been very hard on yourself and there are a couple of things you can learn from this. I understand that you had a hard life - a lot more traumatised than you think. You can acknowledge it because you cannot change the past, but you can let it go. Letting things go is such a power tool; these kinds of tools don't just automatically built, it takes time and effort. You are going to repeat these things to yourself:

I am kind, and I am going to be kind, always. I

Going to therapy soon

I am going to control what i am consuming 

My new inspiration

Be content with what I have - you have everything you need. 

New year, new me!

I need to start working out on myself, why? Because even Jun Ji Hyun, the hottest star on this planet, routinely takes care of herself. That includes waking up in early in the morning, cautiously watching what she eats and a constant workout which the most important of her daily life. Any form of exercise is essential because it cures me of the mental illness which I need the most. Everyone takes care of themselves, but i could not do so. 

Good vibes only!!! 

I get it now - I am just a critical person who relentlessly judge people for entertainment. I sometimes does not even know myself, and yet I relentlessly make comments about people without no apparent reason. Not only that, but I think I have jealously issues - I am jealous of those who I think are better than I in away - or perhaps can be better than I. I think they are jealous of me too. The world is such an atrocious place, and yet it is also full of beauty such as arts that I enjoy every day. 

Knowing myself like this allows me to dismantle my judgement issues; I think I am going on the right path, so please stop comparing yourself to others. Please don’t put yourself down so that you can make other people feel better about themselves. Leave situations that make you feel like you are being unhappy or   

4/1/2021

I perceive myself to be a very great person, but in actuality I don’t know myself very well. I like to pretend like I know myself, therefore I am pretentious. The fakest person I know; I like to speak inner feelings and thoughts accurately, but in actuality I think I am still a fake person. After reading countless books, I still could not find specific books that I enjoy reading. Am I reading these heavy and thick books that are found to be critically acclaimed by literates or intellectuals to feel better about myself? Perhaps I want to be perceived by others as an intellect? That’s the fakest thing you could ever do to yourself! Are people in generation pretentious - showing off our so-called coolness possessions on social media. I seriously cannot take these things as my life! 

Another important issue I want to pour is my inability to impede myself from talking about other people negatively. I don’t know, why do I this to myself? I could not stop, I am relentless about it too - like so sort of addiction. 

4/1/2022

Find the goodness in people - no one is inherently bad, their behaviours are the response to the circumstances they find themselves. But then again, why do people take advantage of others who they receive to be weaker. Is this my defence mechanism to not be hurt by their cruel words? Does this sound dramatic? Do not be hurt, just think this as your life and live does come with uncertainty. Bye bye for now, I’ll come back and visit you again. 

19/8/21

I legit think that I am too much of something; I am not quite sure what it is. I sometime think that I am pathetic and annoying, absurd and too much l

Today is the survivor day

I feel like such a loser. I am really though. I want to be you so bad right now, but who is satisfied with themselves.   

You dumb fuck, you fucking piece of shit! why can’t you speak up and study like everyone else! you stupid fucking cunt. 

27/7/21

It’s 1:23 am right now, and I could not be bothered studying for my exam. I thought about it - you know, like what would be the consequences of my actions. Of course, there is always a repercussion of anything we do - like for merely breathing, we have to be a decent human being. Otherwise, you would not be able to function in this modern/difficult world. In fact, I think the world itself is very difficult and a lot of things to be fearful of. I don’t know if I should really be afraid of things. Mistakes and immature actions of the past are crawling, and haunting me. Is this the consequence of failing to be a mature person? I should be able to be a fucking teenage and be proud of that! I really don’t understand why I am so hard on myself. Is it because I hate immaturity? 

Don’t let one bad moment impact you the whole day. You got to learn to let it go. You are kind. Beautiful and awesome. 🦩

Do all those people on Instagram have to best moment of their lives .