IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.
You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.
Reblog to literally save a life
I’ve done this. I’m alive because of this.
My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her. She had passed out in her room and locked the door. He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex. He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”. He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge. I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking. He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”. Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report. Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me. Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison. The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen.
This was 14 years ago.
Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can. The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:
“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.” I said I want extra mushrooms.
“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.” I said I want onions.
She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.
They’ve heard this sort of coded call before. They’re trained for it. They will understand what you’re saying. Order the pizza.
THIS SPEAKS TO ME ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL RIGHT NOW.
You are witnessing a broken human being
This is actually me like constantly now
The older I get the more I identify with this when I come across it
I just got a new humidifier and I am fuckin’ pumped
(◡‿◡✿)
(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”
(ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ “hold my flower”
✿\(。-_-。) “Kick his ass, baby. I got yo flower.”
i found it
the original post
i found it
this should have the opportunity to be on everyone’s blog.
stop telling girls with thick thighs that they shouldn’t wear light wash jeans because they’re “unflattering.” stop telling short girls that they shouldn’t wear high-waisted jeans because they make them look shorter. stop telling girls with big thighs to stay away from baggy clothes and boyfriend jeans. stop telling petite girls they can’t wear capris. stop telling telling tall girls to avoid wearing heels so they won’t “intimidate” people. stop telling skinny girls to only wear tops that give them the illusion of having hips. stop telling girls with big boobs to avoid shirts and dresses without a waist. stop telling chubby girls to stay away from patterns and horizontal stripes. stop telling girls with cellulite to wear long shorts. stop telling short girls to wear heels and vertical stripes to make themselves look taller. stop telling pale girls they can’t wear warm colors and stop telling dark girls they can’t wear cool colors. stop telling girls to be ashamed of their body type.
Oh my fucking GOD
this is the best thing I have ever seen with my own two eyes.
if you’re ever feeling down just watch this compilation of jin laughing.
Storks (2016)
Is this… diversity? People of colour? Same sex parents?
Reblog if its ok to message you during this holiday season incase Im feeling lonely or out of place during family events because no one should be alone on Christmas
The funniest death scene in cinema
I’m having a really hard time trying to get over how absolutely ridiculous this is right now.
This had me in tears, oh my god
im watching this at 1am and crying . for real
bless this video




