Sarcastic

one thing about orpheus and eurydice is you guys are all like “i’m different i wouldnt turn to look at her” because you are all familiar with the story of orpheus and eurydice. but orpheus wasnt familiar with the story because he was in it lol.

“i wouldn’t look back bc logically if she’s not there it wouldnt help to look and if she is there looking back would cause me to lose her” cool so has love never made you stupid and insane

another thing thats interesting is i think most people assume its a walk of reasonably short length that you have to resist looking back. but we dont know how long that walk was. its out of the underworld, time could work very differently. could be days. could be months. could you walk for months without looking back to see if your love is okay? i dont think you could

exactly. like oh you’re not going to look back? have you never lost a love? there is so much looking back.

Re: dramatically changing 19th century dress silhouettes, thinkin about the time a whaler finally came home from a 4 year voyage and was just like ‘WHAT IS GOING ON’ when reencountering hoop skirts.

My goal in life is to be the person running the bookstore in the horror thriller where the protagonist has to go to track down a rune. I've got stupid hair and a vest or something. The protagonist shows me a rune drawn on a napkin and I say shit like "Aha! Just a moment!" Before skittering off for some gay ass book

viva la vida defined 2008 I don’t remember anything else and I refuse to

There was a financial crisis

sorry bro can’t hear you i think st peter is calling my name

When the DM says something like “The room appears to be empty” or “so you touch the object?”

Fun DM tip: always do that. Even if it really is empty or nothing will happen. Really helps curb meta gamming and can get some funny reactions. My favorite is asking how they open the door or asking “so you just stand in front of it and open it normally” then suddenly they’re trying to describe a totally abnormal way of opening a door that doesnt involve them being in front of it

niko thats mean

When my players roll a bad perception check I like to say, “there *seems* to be nothing there.” Especially if there is actually nothing there.

This is my method of describing incidents to build tension. I swear, some of the best ‘traps’ in my campaigns, have been just how I word their checks to make them doubt literally every possibility in a dungeon.

Twitter threads are incomprehensible and dense and while they insist you can be "ratioed," you technically never win a Twitter argument.

On Tumblr you can win so decisively, you force that blog to deactivate and then that post will drag around that user's dead fucking body for all of time.

Every time you see it, it's a victory lap around a coffin that we'll never bury. It's astounding.

for the record. i dont post cringe to keep the twitter users at bay. i do not post cringe at all. if you cringe at my posts, thats on you, not me. i am simply having a good time on this webbed site and if that makes you cringe, i am sorry for whatever you see in me that shames you so.

so my roomates girlfriend just caught me in the kitchen and its so hard to play it cool when you never see this person you only hear her yowling like a cat in heat while her asshole gets played with so me, trying to act as casual as i possibly could, forgot i was holding an onion and not a delightful apple and bit into it fully expecting a honeycrisp but instead got the equiv of biting solid piss 

lol wtaf. i can’t read a single word of this paragraph

try you human brick 

OP why did it take you 2 years to respond to that comment

Source

waiting for my knight in shining armor (ibuprofen) to rescue me from the horrors (head hurty)

Concept: a bunch of high school Satanists get drunk in the local graveyard and try to conjure a demon, but they’re using one of those “reconstructionist” ritual books that gets its sources all mixed up, so they end up with a minor Mithraic fertility spirit that hasn’t spoken with humans in like 1700 years instead. By the terms of its binding it’s not allowed to leave until it’s ensured a successful harvest for its summoners, which is a problem, because none of these goobers have ever raised so much as a houseplant; if it wants to go home, it’s going to have to teach them how to garden - whether they want to learn or not!

“Five high school sophomores were arrested today on charges of operating an illegal pot growing business behind the Home Depot on I-95. The 200-foot-tall plants, which police could see from their station…”

seeing that "achievement unlocked, survived tumblr porn ban" post being reblogged by people who LITERALLY RETURNED FROM TWITTER AFTER HEARING THE NEWS

YOU did not "survive the porn ban", you ran away!! you abandoned your blog for twitter, and now you come crawling back and act like you've been here the entire time????? THIS IS STOLEN VALOR

you have to be annoying and do everything as passionately and genuinely as possible because we live in a world where everyone operates through sixteen layers of post irony and to love with recklessness is literally counterculture. 

The ultimate weapon of the final war…

“I am not, the hell, a man. Nor am I from the so-called sunshine state” florida man stated in an exclusive interview.

hello @sashayed your gay haunted wedding is doing numbers on tumblr as god or whoever intended

ghosts loved it btw 😌

who’s ready to have an absolutely insane girl summer . a fucking batshit girl summer. an off putting and creepy girl summer.

It’s so fitting that the “lock your posts behind a paywall” Tumblr feature was universally panned while the “force total strangers to see your shitposts” feature is celebrated

I work at the radio and I have worked retail and I have worked food service.

The people who call in to the radio station are the dumbest people alive, holy shit.

Be honest, do you guys want the stories?

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN OK LET'S GO

Caller: Hi. I'm pretty shocked you guys are putting people in danger with your traffic report.

Me: Could you elaborate please?

Caller: I'm on (freeway) and there's a branch hanging down. Someone is going to hit it and you haven't reported it. I've been listening all morning so I know you haven't.

Me: Just so I'm clear, the branch is not actually in the road? There is no hazard actually blocking anything?

Caller: no but there's going to be. It's going to be your fault when the branch falls.

Me: ma'am if there's not actually anything going on to report we can't report anything. You called to tell me about a tree.

Caller: Hi can I talk to Amy Winehouse?

Me: Amy Winehouse.

Caller: yeah I just heard her on your station.

Me: ...I don't know how to tell you this but no, I cannot put her on the phone.

Caller: she was just there

Me: That's a recording. She's not actually here.

(caller hung up before I could explain that not only is that not how radio music works, amy winehouse died in 2011.)

Caller: I cannot BELIEVE you guys would pay such FILTH. I'm AMERICAN.

Me: Which station are you having issue with?

Caller: The one playing that FILTH. The one saying "Imagine no religion." What kind of anti Christian message are you suggesting??

Me: the... Beatles song?

Caller: I'm AMERICAN.

Me: Is the issue that the Beatles are English...? Because I have bad news about most of the oldies station if so

Caller: I want to report about some false information being pushed as news, it's not relevant to the topic at hand and they're saying it is and they're trying to silence me and I think you need to do something about it.

Me: ma'am please slow down

Caller: the firewatch group on Facebook! They banned me for saying we shouldn't be talking about the Australia fires! You need to make them reinstate my place in the group or people that depend on me for fire news could be at risk!

Me: that's not our group, ma'am. Ours is the name of our station, we do not have any connection to the firewatch.

Caller: but it's news.

Me: there's more than one news source in the county ma'am.

(yes, she called to report her FB drama)

Caller: there's a cloud. It's big.

Me: is it a smoke cloud? Can you smell--

Caller: no I think it's a regular cloud. It's big though.

Me: do you see lightning...?

Caller: no it's just big. I didn't want anyone to worry.

Caller: play more Toby Keith.

Me: Sure, I'll pass that on to the DJ--

Caller: I wish I could be a cat.

Me: dang me too

Caller: anyway that's all I got for you today. Toby Keith, and I want to be a cat. Be sure to hug your animals. Meow!

Me: Meow!

Caller: Meow!

Me: Meow!

The person calling about the cloud did nothing wrong