I was ALAB (Assigned Lesbian At Birth). I am not a lesbian.

DREAM was my BOYFRIEND. I am a LESBIAN !

In my Sad Wet Snoopy era

My wife asked me what "mansplaining" means 

...now what am I supposed to do?

me when i remember it all

Yeah sex is good but have y'all ever smelled a fresh loaf of bread

quacking in my boobs over this

daily affirmations: at least im not 14 🙏❤️

phone is the main enemy. never forget this

I bitch and I moan its what I do

*visibly shaking* has anybody else noticed how beautiful everything is?

Ides of March pride flag

Weird Al and Hozier are actually brothers and nobody knows about it and they have different accents because they are like Phineas and Ferb.

me: *gets emotional* me, later: embarassing!

I’d be a very cute housewife

just know if i could crawl on the ceiling on all fours i would

good girls deserve fingers in their mouth