let kids feel safe in fandom spaces 2k19
on god mike hanlon we are gonna get you better characterization next time
Wade: When you said you do 'magic in bed', this wasn't really what I was expecting.
Peter P: *holds up the 5 of spades* Is this your card?
Wade: *softly* Holy shit.
Therapist: are you often plagued by irrational fears, Mr Parker?
Peter, choking up: yeah sometimes I'm scared that we're all actually just characters in a movie franchise the rights of which are split between two companies and there's gonna be a money related dispute between the two one day which'll lead to the avengers having to leave me behind and forget me while I'm forced to quietly watch them pretend I never existed and have to pretend myself like I was never really a part of their team and never met the man who shaped my life and pretend his death didn't cause me intense trauma because I "didn't witness it" or even "interact with any of them" at all
Therapist:
Peter: for legal reasons
Therapist:
Therapist: that's incredibly specif-
Peter: AND IRRATIONAL. TOTALLY IRRATIONAL. BECAUSE IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN THAT'S IT FOR TODAY'S SESSION GOODBYE [jumps out window]
Deadpool disguised as therapist: damnit, so close
*Peter stumbling into the kitchen*
Peter: Where is the glorious hot bean juice I require to live.
Peter: Give me the bean juice Wade.
Wade: Okay first of all you have spent far to much time with Stark.
Wade: Second, I vote we never call coffee bean juice again.
Wade: And third, it’s on the counter babyboy.
Peter: Your a god Wade.
This Better Be The Delete Scene Marvel Is Talking About:
Tony dying:
Deadpool: DON’T YOU F*CKING DIE ON ME!!! I LOST LOGAN!!! BLACK WIDOW!!! STAN LEE!!! I CAN’T LOSE YOU!!! WHY RUSSO BROTHERS!!! WHY!!!
Tony: *drunk* who’s the handsomest man in the world?
Stephen: uhh, you?
Tony: false
Tony: it’s fucking ryan reynolds
.
.
.
Deadpool: oh yes, definitely ryan reynolds. but you two arent too bad yourselves mr downey and mr cucumberpatch
Peter: Wow, I'm a lucky guy.
Wade: Aww, I love you too! You make my life complete and I can't believe you're mine. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Peter: Bitch, what the fuck are you talking about.
Peter: I just got some McNuggets.
“who’s your favorite marvel hero?”
- peter
“parker?”
- no
“quill?”
- uh no,
ohnomarvel
Peter: Wade, you’re strong, aren’t you?
Wade: Of course!
Peter: In that case, how far do you think you could throw me?
*five minutes later*
Tony, picking up the phone: Ted you better have a good reason for calling me
Ned, watching the scene from the window: MR. STARK DEADPOOL IS ABOUT TO YEET PETER OFF THE ROOF AND ONTO A TRAMPOLINE YOU’VE GOT TO STOP THEM
Lucifer: Castiel? What was that?
Castiel: Uh... That was Crowley in the trunk.
Chuck: Crowley who?
Castiel: My romantic rival Crowley. He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said, Lucifer. I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish, then dump his carcass on Dean's doorstep.
Lucifer: [to Chuck] I did not tell him to do that. Absolutely not. It got lost in translation.
Lucifer: Cassie, this is no way to win Dean's heart!
Lucifer: [whispers] I'm so proud of you.
Lucifer: Drop Crowley off, safe and gentle-like.
Lucifer: [whispers] Kill him.
Lucifer: And then, win Dean the old fashioned way: with your boyish charm.
Lucifer: [whispers] Kidnap him.
Peter: How did you find me Mr Stark?
Tony: I looked for the most trouble happening and found you right in the middle.
Tony: Also Deadpool is up on the roof screaming about how cute his ‘baby boy’ is.
Tony: I made an educated guess.
foxfeathered-deactivated2020052
Colossus: Another rule of the X-Men; no swearing.
Deadpool: H E C K.
Colossus: HEY! YOU’RE ON THIN FUCKING ICE.
Colossus:
Colossus: oh no.
Peter: *backflips over his emotional issues* Parkour!
Wade: *also backflips over his emotional issues* Parker!
Peter: No.
During mission:
Wade, pointing at Tony and Steve: Shaggy and Scooby, you check the upstairs.
Wade, pointing at Peter: Velma, you check the basement.
Tony: Who are you, Wade? Freddy?
Wade: Bitch, I’m Daphne.
Steve: Peter’s in love with Wade
Tony: [starts laughing]
Steve: I’m not joking.
Tony: Oh I hope not, it’s funnier if it’s true
Negasonic: You actually took advice from Colossus?
Deadpool: It’s called hitting rock bottom, Bieber.
Tony: what's wrong with Wade?
Peter: he doesn't handle alcohol very well
Wade: I'm gonna steal the declaration of independance
An AU where a small Peter wants to know where babies come from
Aunt May: When you’re older! :)
Steve: Love
Tony: Where do any of us come from?
Bruce: The Stork!
Wanda:The brightest star in the sky!
Vision: Sorry Peter, Stark just added a protocol that forbids me to tell!
Clint: Did you ask Natasha?
Natasha: Did you ask Clint?
Thor: Everything comes from Yggdrasil, boy!
Loki: Take it from someone who has been a baby. It’s not as simple as you think.[disappears]
Any of the Guardians: If we tell you, we have to tell Groot and Rocket is supposed to deal with that kind of parenting crap.
Sam: Can’t talk, Steve needs my help!
Bucky: [laughing] Hell, if I know!
Wade Wilson: [eating a burrito behind The Avenger’s dumpster] A vagina.
Wade, get off Tumblr!
[Yukio, Negasonic, and Wade all running]
Wade: Running with a pack of wild lesbians! Let's go lesbians! Let's go!!!
Yukio: Come on Pansexuals! [smiles to Wade]
Negasonic: Don't encourage him!
Wade: Here we go lesbians!