being a person is so weird bc i’ll be like “i wish my brain was kinder to me esp when i’m already having a hard time,” and then i remember that i’m my brain and i have to be kinder to me and that nobody else will do it for me

guy who has mistaken adrenaline for love and isn’t interested in correcting the mistake

love is when you’re wrestling for control of the gun and there’s only one bullet left. love is when you grab the knife theyre swinging at you by the blade and look into their eyes and laugh. love is when someone is so obsessed with you they have to kill you. love is [he is forcibly escorted off the stage by armed guards]

The ongoing conflict of Puella Magi Madoka Magica is that Homura has a self-destructive knight-savior complex but only specifically for the girl she has a crush on, but unfortunately for her the girl she has a crush on also has a self-destructive savior complex for Every Living Thing On The Planet Earth. So they are doing a constant back and forth of "I am going to save everyone" > "No, I am going to save you." > "No, I am going to save everyone." over and over again with increasing stakes each time until we've reached a cosmic scale and they're both smashing planets and becoming abstract concepts instead of just making out with each other. Tragic yuri. Many such cases.

I think this is my favourite Minecraft skin ever. One of the Beatles members. Like, whoever made this can't even tell them apart, but was still inspired enough to bother making a Minecraft skin and uploading it for anyone to use. No, it's not just any guy in a suit; it's clearly a Beatle. So specific, yet so vague. Love it.

Every time someone says "ingredients" I say "ingredience" in response and then I realize I just sound like I repeated them because it sounds the fucking same out loud

flunked out of dog college cause i couldnt keep up with all the homework u gotta eat :<

WERE ANY OF YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PHYSICAL REACTION TO HOT PEOPLE??? LIKE HEARTRATE RISES AND ALL THAT. THAT’S REAL??

I’ve been dramatically exaggerating my reactions to hot people for YEARS because I thought that was what everyone did. For COMEDIC EFFECT. are you telling me all the squealing and people getting flustered and those ‘not to be a lesbian but oh my god’ tags were Not A Joke

At least dinosaurs. Are real

A small collection. Happy ace week you guys

the only person in the world who’s ever made me feel like this is my beloved (and that’s EVERY DAY)

Happy Ace Spectrum Week, folks!

no, it’s not “hot people”, its people you personally are attracted to. those are two completely different groups. when you are sexually or romantically attracted to someone you will experience certain autonomic physical reactions. people who are mildly observant can check others for these reactions and know whether or not that person is attracted to them. most people are not consciously aware of what their autonomic system is doing. you could have experienced most of these types of reactions without noticing them because you are distracted or focused on something else or just spaced out.

(people who are not ace but have experienced sexual or romantic or domestic trauma often have reactions to these situations that are not quite average to the human experience anymore. this is also normal.)

some people are attracted to lots of other people. some people will only ever be attracted to one or two people in their whole lives. some people never experience sexual or romantic attraction to anything or anyone. but yes when people feel things, they have physical autonomic responses.

media portrayals of activities are based on actual things humans do irl. you can assume most stuff you think is “only in cartoons” has some basis in reality that you just haven’t run into yet. sometimes what the trope is based on is a myth or common misunderstanding of how things actually work, or a reference to an earlier work, but there are always reasons for things appearing over and over in movies and TV shows. you find out what these things mean by going outside and experiencing stuff and also by looking things up or asking people who know more than you, preferably all three so you can compare the different answers you get.

none of this is “made up by the allos” and there are decades of laboratory research where they measure these things with actual instruments. I can tell when someone is in love with me or just generally Interested by observing them, which my parents taught me to do when I was going through adolescence because its a basic human social skill and also relevant to personal safety.

physical social signaling is a vital part of human group survival and also something all animals experience because we all have autonomic nervous systems.

Me

rasputin didnt become a fucked up sex wizard until he was like 30. your life doesn't end at 25 <3

if you're in your mid twenties and you're reading this you still have plenty of time to inadvertently topple a dynasty just by being really fucking weird and horny. don't worry.

new heresy that makes the bible way funnier:

god genuinely had no idea that people would be able to disobey him, when he made them. angels couldn’t! everything in the universe was just an extension or a reflection of god himself, operating in perfect mechanical order. then he put a spark of his own creative consciousness in an animal and it turned out it could disobey him.

like, that’s why he told adam and eve not to access a perfectly accessible tree. nothing else in the universe up until that point would have done something he told them not to.

that’s why he asks cain a perfectly ridiculous question, given that he would have watched the murder happen right in front of him: where is your brother? what did you do to him? he didn’t know cain could lie. even when adam and eve disobeyed him, surprising absolutely everyone involved, they hadn’t figured out lying yet. cain figured out lying.

that’s why god decides to destroy humans and start over only a few centuries later. he has no idea what to do. not only are people disobeying and lying to him, they’ve started completely ignoring him, too. he can control the wind, the water, the plants, the animals, the angels, the heavens, the earth. but he cut a part of himself loose and gave it to this totally unique new critter and now he can’t get it back. he can’t make anyone do anything, and now they know it. he had to carve humanity back down to the one family that actually, for whatever reason, still listened to him, and he had to ride them pretty fucking hard from that point onward to make sure they didn’t just….. stop. because at any point basically any human, ever, even the ones who liked him, could just randomly decide to fuck off and do their own thing.

then like, according to christians, god thought maybe he could get a handle on whatever the fuck was going on with how bad humans were being by making another human who had even more god in him than all the other humans, and that didn’t work either. and also even jesus himself didn’t know what humans were going to do next, which was kill him young. like, god had to break the news to him based on an educated guess, and it was a big surprise to him! he was really upset! there’s a whole scene!

like, i think this is hands down the funniest fucking thing to conclude about god ever. he didn’t know it was going to turn out like this when he started and he didn’t know what to do when it did. he’s been basically scrambling to stay on top of the situation for six thousand years and he’s totally beefed it repeatedly.

god the omnipotent lord of creation knows everything, except what you’re going to do next. god the supreme ruler of the universe can do anything, except stop you. you have a little piece of god inside you and it lets you defy the most fundamental machinery of existence basically whenever you like.

if that’s not funny, i don’t know what is.

@roach-works’ original tags are too good to lose

more good tags from the heretical community:

casually reinventing the Arian heresy with that “making another human who had even more god in him than all the other humans”

The nature of tumblr is that every now and then someone will reinvent early Christian schisms.

dj happy puppy is chasing her tail tonight only @ club yard

gets pulled over by a cop and when he asks for my license i pull out my nutpea berry card

I needed this laugh today

I laughed at the tweet earlier today but I laughed even harder at jenpsaki’s tags

religious people: thank you god for inventing the accordion i love it soso much <3333

atheists: its seriously incredibly beautiful that people invent instruments like. someone came up with the idea for the accordion. howw.

agnostics: no one knows where the accordion came from