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I Can’t Even

@glenlakegirl

Star Wars, the Avengers (Team Iron Man all the way!), Harry Potter, Percy Jackson...basically random
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Imagine being the last owner of Hanako, that 226 year old Japanese koi that was spawned in 1751 and died in 1977. A fish that outlived 7 emperors. A fish that survived the Second World War. And she dies in your care. I would never recover.

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I would find peace in that she felt comfortable enough to finally rest in my company. Fish remember faces and voices of their caretakers. Perhaps she loved the last too much to watch them die before her, too.

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oh….yeah…maybe

Tumblr Book Club Master Post

Updated as new projects are announced

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The Classics:

  • Dracula Daily: Bram Stoker’s Dracula, the one that started it all. Began May 3rd 2022, ended November 6th 2022
  • The Sorrows of Young Werther: J.W. von Goethe’s The Sorrows of Young Werther, the original (rewritten is further down for those who find it much too dense). Began May 4th 2022, runs through December 25th 2022
  • Edgar Allan Poe Daily: Various Poe stories sent on days there is no Dracula. Began May 13th 2022, runs through at least the end of Dracula
  • Ovid Daily: the works of  P. Ovidius Naso, currently working through the Metamorphoses. Began May 15th 2022, runs through August 27th 2022, with another book beginning January 1st 2023
  • Nightly Knights: assorted works of Arthurian Legend. Began May 28th 2022.
  • Moby Dick Summer: Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. The one that only takes the summer. Began May 30th 2022, runs through September 9th 2022.
  • Austen Weekly Etc.: hub for all six completed novels by Jane Austen. Pick and choose whichever you wish to subscribe to. Began June 6th 2022.
  • Dickens Weekly: the collected works of Charles Dickens. Began June 20th 2022.
  • Woman in White Weekly: Wilkie Collins’ The Woman in White. Began July 31st, 2022, runs for a few months
  • Carmilla Weekly: Sherida Le Fanu’s Carmilla. Began August 28th 2022, runs through December 18th 2022
  • Romeo and Juliet Regular: Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Began September 7th 2022, runs through November 2022
  • LOTR Newsletter: JRRT’s Lord of the Rings. Began September 2022, runs through March 2023
  • Daily Kafka: Franz Kafka’s letters. Began September 2022.
  • @1984-daily: George Orwell’s 1984. [[Content Warning: also contains real life propaganda and occasional flashing images]] Enable tumblr update alerts to follow along. Began October 1st 2022.
  • Voyage of the Nautilus: Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Began November 1st 2022.
  • Thriller Short Stories Weekly. A new public domain short thriller every week. Began November 1st 2022.
  • Beetle Weekly: Dracula but what if bugs instead of Vampires? Began November 8th 2022.
  • Literary Letters: C.N. and A.M. Williamson’s The Lightning Conductor. Began November 12th 2022, runs through January 28th, 2023, with more lesser-known works planned afterwards
  • The Cristo Account: Alexandre Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo. Began November 28th, 2022, runs through March 25th, 2023
  • Dickens Daily: the collected works of Charles Dickens. Began December 1st 2022, runs through August 2023
  • Wives Weekly: Elizabeth Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters. Began December 2nd 2022.
  • Whale Weekly: Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. The one that’s going to take three years. Began December 2022, runs through 2025
  • Letters From Watson: Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, the short stories. Began January 1st 2023, runs through December 2023
  • War And Peace (&emails): Tolstoy’s War and Peace. Began January 1st 2023, runs through December 27th 2023.
  • Les Mis Letters: Hugo’s Les Miserables. Began January 1st 2023, runs through December 2023
  • Beyond the Wizard: Frank L. Baum’s 14 books set in the Land of Oz. Chapters posted weekly with additional discussion space. Began January 1st 2023.
  • Dorothy Daily: Frank L. Baum’s 14 books set in the Land of Oz. Chapters posted daily. Began January 1st 2023.
  • Dorian Gray Weekly: Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray. Begins January 24th 2023.
  • Orwell Daily: Assorted works of George Orwell. Next work begins January 31st 2023.
  • Pinocchio Weekly: Carlo Collodi’s Pinocchio, the original 1925 English translation. TBA - Tentative beginning January 2023.
  • Frankenstein Weekly: Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Begins February 1st 2023, runs for several months
  • Notes from the Nautilus: Jules Verne’s Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. Begins March 4th 2023
  • Pride and Prejudice Weekly: Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Begins March 10th 2023, runs through October 6th 2023.
  • Musketeers Daily: Alexander Dumas’ The Three Musketeers. Begins March 14th 2023
  • Divine Comedy Weekly: Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy. Begins April 7th 2023, runs through March 2024.
  • My Dear Wormwood: C. S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters. Begins May 2nd 2023, runs through November 28th 2023.
  • Rizal Weekly: The works of Jose Rizal. TBA
  • The Great Gatsby: F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby. TBA/distributed by hand by the very powerful @orchidbreezefc o7
  • The Penny Dreadful: the original Penny Dreadful stories. TBA
  • Carmilla Quarterly: Sheridan Le Fanu’s Carmilla. not associated with the other Carmilla substack TBA
  • Zastrozzi Daily:Percy Bysshe Shelley’s Zastrozzi. TBA
  • Les Chroniques de Choderlos: Pierre Choderlos de Laclos‘s Les Liasos dangereuses in it’s original French. TBA

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The New:

  • Werther Rewritten: J.W. von Goethe’s The Sorrows of Young Werther as rewritten by a 2014 tumblr user (I was unable to find a link to said user, please lmk who’s behind this so they get credited). Began May 4th 2022, runs through December 25th 2022
  • The Case Files of Sheridan Bell: original collection of Victorian Fantasy Mysteries by @emrowene. Began May 30th 2022
  • What Manner of Man: original queer Vampire novel by @stjohnstarling​. Began January 2023
  • Dispatches from the Loneliest Girl in the Universe: Lauren James’ The Loneliest Girl in the Universe, a serialized Young Adult science fiction novel. Begins February 23rd 2023

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See anything missing? Send an ask or DM and it’ll be added asap

Anonymous asked:

Happy birthday Shana! Could I ask for a lil wolfstar as a treat?

Remus has every reason to get divorced. Considering the circumstances, he wouldn’t even have to deal with Sirius to do it. The court would process it on his behalf. He wouldn’t get anything out of it, too many old purebloods in the courts who hate the idea of a single Black galleon going into his dirty werewolf hands to let him leave the marriage with anything more than he entered it with when he was seventeen.

He tells himself that’s why he doesn’t do it. He says it’s so he still has access to the Black vault and money.

It would probably be a more believable lie if he actually used any of it.

It’s been thirteen years and he’s still a married man, has been married to Sirius’s memory for longer than he’d known him before he went to Azkaban, and it’s long past the time to move on by anyone’s metric.

Sirius breaks out of Azkaban and of course all eyes are on him. Of course they look towards the spouse, watching his every move for any hint that he’s hiding his crazy, murder husband.

He accepts the job at Hogwarts just to get out of the scrutiny. As much as certain people don’t want him teaching, there’s a certain level of easing tension at the idea that he’ll be under Dumbledore’s eye, locked away in the castle and unable to aid Sirius in whatever crimes he’s committing. Of course, then Sirius shows up on the castle grounds and announces his presence by breaking into the Gryffindor common room.

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Harry: And why shouldn’t I blame Spiderman for your injuries?? He calls himself a hero, protecting civilians like you should be his priority! Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kick his ass for letting you get hurt!!

Peter: Because-

Newscaster on the tv next to Harry: In this footage you can see Peter Parker, known freelance photographer for the Daily Bugle, actually shove Dr. Doom out of his way while yelling “move it or lose it,” as he runs with his camera, presumably to capture more pictures of the vigilante known as “Spiderman”

Harry:

Peter: -I’m a dumbass.

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The image of Peter shoving Doom out of the way though. Like, did he get his ass beat? Or was Doom just stunned?

He must have flashbacked to getting pushed around in high school, lying on the pavement wondering why a guy that weighs a hundred pounds wet could shove him so easily in his armor. (I don’t know if Dr. Doom is even physically strong.)

Anyways, Harry’s about to have an aneurysm because of Peter “I push supervillains around for fun” Parker. Mr. One Bad Day Away according to his coworkers.

Shadow! SHADOW. This could tie in with the Polarizer post. The folks at the Daily Bugle see Parker pushing villains around for a shot or when he’s late to work and just goes: Oh, he’s gonna be top dog when he turns.

Just: “Hey Parker, want a coffee? ᵈᵒⁿᵗ ᵏⁱˡˡ ᵐᵉ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵒ ᵉᵛⁱˡ, ᵒᵏᵃʸ?”

Absolutely

Also, he was quick enough running that he got away with it, in fact, it’s not till he hears the news that he realizes who he pushed, that point of calling himself a dumbass was him realizing for the first time how badly he fucked up

He spends awhile after that anxiously waiting the consequences of what he’s done, when he runs into Dr Doom as Peter Parker, he’s once again in a bad mood, so several things happen quickly:

Doom confronts him, Peter snarks back at him, Harry freaks out and pulls a weapon out to defend his friend (he’s started carrying one around after realizing how disastrously Peter lives his life), and Reed intervenes because of course if Dr Doom’s running around then the fantastic four are close behind

So not only did everyone see Peter not back down from Dr Fucking Doom, but they all just saw Harry Osborn pull out a weapon, obviously something Oscorp specific that he got from his dad, and realize that Peter’s villainy could easily be funded and supported by Oscorp

It’s at this point that the coworkers who were just making jokes about future villain Parker start to join the others in genuinely believing it

Meanwhile, Peter’s just happy that one of his science heroes defended him …up till JJJ starts yelling at him for not getting pics of the fight despite being right there, meanwhile the rest of his coworkers are behind Peter, trying to silently tell JJJ to stop stop stop

They don’t know what’s preventing Peter from turning into a supervillain, seems like it’d be so easy for him to do so at this point, but they’re happy that whatever it is exists

Honestly, they’d probably believe that Aunt May is the one stopping him, and now every time she gets sick she gets a ton of cards and flowers and gifts from Peter’s coworkers wishing begging for her health to return

This is how “Peter Parker is already one of the villains” rumors surface

(Also!! This could tie in with him having a fake villain identity, he does all that work to make a fake civilian identity to go with it, but because only the villains know about the fake civilian identity, everyone else goes “shit that must be Parker.” he’s freaking out, why are people associating that identity with him??)

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🤣🤣😂🤣 “Shit that must be Parker.”

I need Harry to find out about the supervillain persona apartment. Like, Peter has to desperately explain that it’s for photo-ops or something. He’s not actually a super villain or intending to be and Harry just thinks: Is this why Spider-Man hates him?

Now Harry has a conspiracy board. But also, determinedly devoted henchman Harry Osborn. Fake name when?

Hear me out tho, Harry hearing that people think Peter (his Petey, his bestest friend) is a villain, and Harry knows damn well that’s not how Aunt May and Uncle Ben raised him, so he does his own investigating

And by a stroke of luck he manages to connect it to Spiderman

It all just loops back around to Harry blaming Spiderman for the things going wrong in Peter’s life

Also yes determinedly devoted henchman Harry Osborn needs to be a thing

(Jhgfsl Harry creates a secret identity specifically to take down Spiderman because he found out about his secret villain identity, except, maybe due to the use of Oscorp tech, everyone knows it’s Harry immediately, so instead of people realizing he’s trying to be a hero (except for maybe JJJ), everyone thinks Peter’s finally snapped and sent his devoted henchman (Harry) after his obvious arch nemesis Spiderman)

Oh but it gets even worse! The supervillains who Peter “Might be New to Villiany” Parker worked with before they became villains is a pretty interesting list. I imagine a more stable Doctor Curt Connors is mildly horrified that young Parker has turned to crime. (He had such a bright future…) Octavius, who I think usually figures out Spider-Man’s identity, wonders what game he is playing having a hero and villian identity. One which doesn’t even try to hide his civilian identity—to throw people off?

Whether he knows or not, Norman thinks that Peter snapped from the pressure. Now Harry was more expected considering the history of the Goblins. Even just taking the damn serum.

The heroes don’t know what to do. Peter only seems to be focusing on Spider-Man at the moment. Which could of course escalate. Yet it gives them someone to help direct his attention away from civilians. Richards blames himself for failing another Doom situation despite his best efforts. Maybe he should have tried working with Parker more directly? SHIELD wonders how they missed him teaming up with Osborn Industries. Spider-Man himself is not amused by how many different people try budding into his schedule in-mask while avoiding Harry.

Somehow, Aunt May does not hear of this at all.

The real kicker from an outsiders perspective is that Peter still submits photos to the Bugle. He collects a paycheck without trying anything close to robbing people. What type of villian even is Peter if he focuses primarily on Spider-Man? One with morals maybe? (For Now???)

Can I propose that JJJ thinks Peter's villain persona is great and enthusiastically shills for him constantly?

Like, that's his boy, Peter! Fighting the Spider-Menace! He's way too emotionally constipated to ever tell Peter he cares about him to his face, but the alter ego is fair game!

Peter is so tired.

OP I am living for this situation

Not Cardan telling Jude she's a fragile little thing that could be easily broken in TCP but then being terrified when she fell from the roof in the QON because she never breaks

I cried. I threw up. I shook. I climbed the walls. I cried some more. I tore my hair out. I saw the light. I was on the brink of death. And I cried even more. Charlotte and George were everything and then some. Like my brain chemistry has been permanently altered. I will never be the same. Every time I think about them I’m launched into a brand new mental breakdown. I don’t know how I will recover from this.

[image: tweet by thefourthvine, transcribed below:]

Extremely concerned that the response to #DraculaDaily on my timeline:

Non-lawyers: Jonathan, RUN

Lawyers: I have never seen such an accurate depiction of the first few years of practicing law

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peer review in the notes came back positive

Why did you give the last of your food to that poorly disguised mimic? You were finally at peace with letting go, but now this odd thing won’t leave you alone and is even turning itself into various items in an attempt to aid you.

The mimic is a young one, and you knew that from the moment you laid eyes on it. It was disguised as a crate, but the angles weren’t quite right. The corners were a little lopsided, and if you looked hard enough you could make out the creature’s mouth.

A sigh escapes you as you toss over the last of your rations, not even bothering to stand up as you do so. What’s the point? You think. I’ve been trapped in this cave for days, nobody is looking for me, and the monsters are closing in. Why should I bother even trying? I could just fall asleep now, and let this little mimic eat me too.

The thing is… it doesn’t. It eats your rations, but when you lay down and try to sleep, it doesn’t attack. You do hear it move closer, but you don’t open your eyes until you feel something nudge your hand. As you barely open your eyes, you can see that the mimic has morphed itself into a crude sword. You can’t help but chuckle.

“You’re cute, but I don’t have anything left to give you.” You don’t have anything left to give for yourself either, but you don’t say so.

The mimic doesn’t seem to take no for an answer. It becomes a dagger, then an axe, then a staff, as though it’s trying to determine what your preffered weapon is.

“Listen, I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not working. I’m not going to pick you up and take you into some other part of this stupid cave system. Nice try, though.”

You turn away from it and attempt to sleep again. As you do so, you find yourself shivering. You really wish, as you doze off, that you had a blanket.

When you wake, much later, you’re surprised to find yourself covered with the warmest blanket you’ve ever had. You quickly sit up, eagerly hoping that someone had cone for you, but the cave is empty. When you look at the blanket, you notice the imperfect edges and the janky seam across the middle.

“…why haven’t you eaten me yet?” You ask the little mimic that’s now laying on top of you. “What’s wrong with you?”

The mimic, still in the form of the blanket, slithers off of you, but it does not respond. Instead, it begins taking the form of weapons again. When it turns into a crooked staff, you reach out, despite yourself. Your fingers wrap around it and you use it to haul your aching, injured body to your feet. “I guess there are probably nicer places to die.”

You know you won’t get far. And you don’t. Especially not without light. The mimic doesn’t seem too bothered, though. When you collapse again, it scuttles off. Perhaps this was simply where it wanted you to take it. Perhaps now you can finally succumb to your exhaustion.

Then, a few minutes later, a misshapen clay cup bumps against your hand. It’s full of water, and there’s a crack in the middle like a jagged mouth. You pick up the cup and you drink, telling yourself it’s only out of desperation. When you set the cup down, that little cracked mouth seems to smile.

This goes on for what feels like days. The mimic helps you limp along through the tunnels, transforming into whatever you may need at any given time. Every time you fall asleep, you expect not to wake up. Yet, you do, usually with a mimic blanket wrapped around you. It brings you food and water when you can.

The biggest surprise comes when one morning, you find you’re pleased to have survived another night. You’re happy to have the mimic keeping you warm. It’s a new feeling, and a confusing one, but it’s not unpleasant.

The other monsters that you know are down here seem to leave you alone for the most part. You aren’t sure why. It crosses your mind that maybe it has something to do with the mimic. Then again, maybe they’re just waiting for you to die. Death is gradually beginning to sound less and less appealing.

The day you catch a glimpse of sunlight down a long and narrow tunnel is the first day you finally feel like your old self again. Your pace quickens, and you don’t need to lean on the mimic’s staff form quite so much. The illusion shatters when you reach the light’s source. A small gap, high above. You curl up on the floor and cry. When you finally have the strength to look up again, your mimic has become a ladder.

Getting up is hard, in your state. Climbing, even more so. But the ladder is the biggest and best transformation the mimic has done so far, and if it wants you to get out, then you can’t let it down.

You feel it push up under you when you reach the gap. It helps you squeeze through, and then… freedom. Fresh air, and sunlight. You lay on your back on the stone, and you pass out.

You wake up at sunset, with a blanket draoed over you. A blanket with a jagged seam down the middle.

I feel like Germany really needs to draw the right conclusions from Eurovision: a) No one votes for us anyway at this point b) we're guaranteed a spot in the finale bc we're a member of the Big 5.

Conclusion: We can basically hold televisions across Europe hostage for 3 minutes and do what the fuck we like. Let some random security guy sing, elected 30 seconds before going on stage. Classical opera sung after breathing helium. Slightly sing-songy stand up comedy. Sneak in Die Ärzte under fake names and do whatever. A speed caricaturist drawing the competition while doing some half-hearted whistling. Host a drunk ballet performance.

What are they going to do? Ban us?