welcome inside my mind 🪞

My pimple patch and me. I just feel like social media is draining me so much rn and also every human being out there. Even going grocery shopping or to the drug store is so exhausting bc I have to deal with other ppl. I have a hard time to focus on something atm. The only thing that helps is mediating. I tried to be a little creative today with aquarell colors and I really had the urge to draw like a kid instead of putting effort into the drawing and it felt liberating. Getting back on track could be what ever you do for yourself or with yourself alone without focusing on the outcome but the process. I try to avoid night life, gossip ( not me gossiping tho but also listening other ppl gossip is so draining), alcoholism, trash or senseless shows, music that makes me feel sad or gives me heartbreaks (even tho there is no reason bc I’m literally attached to nobody since I cant even remember) and I also have to focus on pretending to be excited jumping out of bed every morning like I don’t feel nothing most of the time — until you actually are excited to jump out of bed bc you finally feel something again ( I mean I am grateful for everything I have but 99% of the time I just say it without being able to really feel it and this makes me feel guilty), you are really grateful deep down from the bottom of your heart and you are ready to face all the adventures out there waiting for you to be mastered, your heart is full.

Yesterday I was in the hospital and had a panic attack. My heart rate was way to high and I felt horrible.

My souls really wants to tell me to slow down and to have a look to the inside again! I went out to many times the last weeks and I set my focus wrong. This is what happens if you start your healing journey and then loose the direction of your path.

At least I had fun tho. But I really need to refocus.