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wait a minute! this isn't women's professional wresting! this is lesbian sex!

🫡

Y’ALL. We have one of those cling film covers in our bathroom window for privacy and in the afternoon when the sun hits it just right, it makes rainbows, right? And today my wife sends me the best pic she’s ever taken:

daily reminders

we need to be teaching kids that macbooks are shit and dont do anything or else tiktok freelancers will make them think macbooks are good

you cant do shit on a macbook without it hyperventilating and trying to start a fire, theyre like an inhumane breed of computer it hurts for them to exist

I literally broke my macbook a week after getting it because I shut one of the bristles of my hairbrush in it and it broke the screen. They replaced the thing. I hate my weak computer and miss my tough little ThinkPad.

The devil walks into your work on a Thursday.

“Hi,” you say, “welcome to McDonalds.”

The devil clops up to the register, red eyes sliding from the cartoonish picture of Grimace, to the Coca Cola drying in the grout, to the ketchup stain on your pale blue button down.

“What can I get started for you today,” you prod when he continues to stare.

“Uh,” he says. “I came for your soul?”

Your smile slips for a moment before you can pin it back in place. Thank goodness your manager is on their lunch. “We don’t sell that, I’m sorry. Have you tried a Big Mac?”

“I know McDonald’s doesn’t sell souls,” the devil says. “Your parents sold your soul. Before you were born.”

“Oh,” you say. That would explain…a lot, actually. “Well. I’m at work, so…can you collect later?”

“I’m owed your soul on your 18th birthday,” he says.

“It’s my birthday today?” You glance at the register. “Wow. I forgot.”

“That is so fucking sad,” the devil says. He punched the bridge if his nose. “When is your shift over?”

“3am.”

“Jesus,” the devil says. He turns on his hoof. “I’m going to go buy you a cake or something.”

“Wow,” you say. You press a hand over your heart. “That—that actually would make my week.”

“And that’s sad,” the devil calls over his shoulder. “See you at 3!”

Now you have a reason to look forward to getting off work.

2:30 am rolled in at such a snails pace, but you kept that plastered mask on the whole night.

You had to deal with a rainbow of people all day. From rich kids looking down on you to that poor homeless guy that comes by asking for your stale fries.

Your boss had watched over you and your coworkers and have scolded you a few dozen times for not upselling, or even appeasing the Karen at max volume.

But now you were doing the one thing no one in a McDonald's would dare do. You cleaned the mc flurry machine. A rare sight to see and probably the only working one in town.

You hear the chime, the chime of dread, your stomach drops, and you fix that mask turning to face the next customer.

Only to internally sigh in relief. Oh good, its just the Devil.

He walks in with what appears to be a medium sized box. He still looked as disgruntled as before. Maybe even more so as he looks around the dingy Mc Donald's.

"Welcome back! You're early!"

"Is... that.. a working mc flurry mechine?" He answers instead looking over you. You nod with perhaps a hint of pride.

"Yes Sir! Just cleaned it. Would you like one?" You can see him staring into your soul. Which, you suppose is his soul now.

"No. Just.. be done already."

You nod to him watching him clop over to a table setting the box down. Huh... your soul is now his? You didn't have time to think about that.

Your manager pops their head out from the back. "Hey. Josh said he's gonna be late. Need you to...." you glance over to see your manager staring at the gargantuan devil sitting there. He looks back causing your manager to freeze in horror. You never seen them so pale.

"Your employee quits as of this moment. Figure out your own issues. Leave." He said with menacing eyes that flash. Your manager turns around and books it to the back, possibly to pray for forgiveness.

You take that as your cue to clock out. You offer a goodbye to your boss but they won't have any of it.

The devil watches you slip from out behind the counter now with even more distain. Your pants look... questionable.

"How often do you even do laundry?"

"If I can have a day off that doesn't involve driving my younger siblings to and from their music classes and tutors."

The devil stares in disgust now understanding what your parents did.

They sold their first born and invested in the younger siblings.

And they say the devil is the worst..

"Just... damnit just sit down."

You do as he sets out two golden plates opening up the box to reveal a professionally made cake with a black marble icing and gold flakes. Set on top are black candles that's wax looks to shimmer like a dark rainbow. The flames flicker and crackle shifting from one color to another. Its beautiful.

You don't know what you were expecting. You almost expected a cheap sheet cake from the store down the street.

"... happy birthday... make a wish I guess... blow out your candle..."

You smile, you make the same wish you made every year. "I wish for a pet." You don't say it out loud. It was out of habit even though you know it won't come true. Least you now understand why.

You blow out the candle and it gives off a sigh like a ghost had escaped your lips.

You watch this soft glowing whisp floats around you while the devil cuts you a piece of cake. You only look back when you hear your fork be set next to your plate.

"Thank you.. its a lovely cake."

He brushes it off. "Just.. eat."

You enjoy your cake as he watches. After a moment he speaks.

"Your parents sold your soul to me."

"Mmhmm.."

"Meaning you belong to me."

"Mmm"

"In hell."

When you clear your mouth you reply. "So, what will I be? Burning punished for all eternity? Slave labor? Dealing with karens?"

He stares at you not sure if he should feel impressed or bothered by the fact you just don't seem that fazed.

"Souls sold to me become whatever I feel like them being. You..." he stares at you as you enjoy more of your cake.

"Your not even fazed by the fact your going to hell."

You shake your head. Simply enjoying the sinfully delicious cake.

"You could be tasked with cleaning up hell hound shit."

"Oh! This mean I can see hells good bois??"

"...... you could be handing out toys for orgys...?"

"Sounds like they be having fun."

"Cleaning up torture chambers?"

"Have you seen the bathrooms?"

The devil takes a breath to compose himself. Mortals these days... whats the point of hell when theres a worse one on earth?

When your full he closes the box, the plate and fork vanish.

"Come with me"

You oblige following him out of the McDonald's.

He doesn't even bother asking about if you have a car. He already knew that answer.

"Your going to be one of my messengers to the other realms."

You blink looking up at him.

"Really? Nothing nasty like the ones you mentioned?"

"Look kid, if you can keep a straight face serving me, practically live like your in hell, and still be the only few willing to keep a mc flurry working.. I'd rather you go deliver things to and from hell to like... I dont know anubis or Hades."

You follow along your little whisp still dancing around you.

"Okay... one more question..."

He sighs "what?"

"Can I pet a hell hound?"

"....... yes.... yes you can pet a hell hound."

The black areas represent the remaining natural dark skies in the United States

I’ve been in the middle of the ocean at night and now live in texas and it is so hard to explain to people that no, they have not ever seen the night sky. It is so hard to explain to people that what they think is a proper night sky is fucking pathetic. A disgrace.

People talk about how you can’t see stars in the city and yeah, that’s true, but their concept of “seeing stars” is being able to make out orion’s belt.

So, so few people have see the sky in all its glory and it’s not sad. It’s a fucking crime. Seeing a perfectly dark night, no clouds, not a hint of light pollution? That’s a fucking religious experience.

The sky the vast vast majority of us grew up with is not the sky that inspired us to look up. It is not the sky that inspired constellations. You can’t even see most constellations.

Your ancestors looked at the night sky and said “surely, that is where the gods must live.” And you might be lucky if you can see hardly more than a handful of stars.

The sky is full, fucking FULL, of stars, and you’ve never seen them.

light pollution is also actively harmful to many species of birds, mammals, and insects

I took these photos on the Isle of Skye, in a place with no light pollution. Skies can look like this.

PSA Regarding Hateful Anons

Tumblr recently made it a requirement for you to be logged in to send asks anonymously. If you receive a hateful ask, don’t publish it - report it to Tumblr. It can be traced back to the user that sent it and with enough reports that person’s account will be suspended.

Share to raise awareness but also to make the clowns who think this behaviour is acceptable think twice before acting brave behind the guise of invisibility.

Four year old beekeeper distracted by a roly-poly.

Best picture in the world

#im rollin the polies im keepin the bees

#i holy the molies and do as i please

#i’ve circled the sun about four times or so

#the earth gets more lovely the more that i know

(tags via @orcboxer)

HAPPY PRIDE!!

Kyoshi and Rangi 🥺

Turn-offs: historically inaccurate cosmetics in period dramas

yeah but i feel like forcing actors to wear lead and/or bird poop on their faces qualifies as hazardous working conditions

I was taking more about sparkly eyeshadow in like 1311 but touché

Wheres that “before pride month ends does anyone want to admit they have a crush on me” post, like I know it’s only the 11th but I cant stop thinking abt it

ok so I know exactly what you’re talking about but I can only find the one with bowser :/

Honestly I think the bowser version is better than the original

putting tergent and fabric roughener in my washing machine to make my clothes dirtier and more unseemly

just painted an onion on a cutting board and i think it’s the peak of my artistic career

look at her…

she gets stronger!

the full painting is finally complete!

This is giving me emotions that I myself do not fully understand

A group of curious preschoolers visits some beehives in Stockholm

Submit your cute pet here | Source: https://bit.ly/3qre7V4

POV you are walking with a ball

(via)