I'm tired of all this shit everything I do is a failure no matter how hard I fucken try. Doesn't matter how hard I try to get out of this it always fucken remains the fucken same. I honestly don't want to keep fucken trying I'm tired of all this fucken false hope. I tired of all these fucken fake fucken people saying they care what happens to me I'm tired of seeing all these people saying they care about suicide prevention yet in reality they could care less just trying to make themselves look better in front of everyone else. No one knows how much I just want to just fucken end it yet everyone keeps telling me to keep holding on I tired of it. No one fucken knows how many times I have look to find a way to end it fucken quick. People are just fucken shit tired of seeing all this positive bullshit everywhere you don't care about people you don't fucken know

Vent

Maybe its finally time for me to leave this world. I was never meant for it cause all it's been is just stuffing and pain, since the first day I was born things went wrong and they haven't changed till this day. I started having suicidal tendency since the age of 15 and I'm close to being 30 so I think that's might be far enough. I try to end it a few times and here I am still breathing. I been trying my best to keep it together but I think I'm pass my limits. Everything is just getting worst

I'm losing my fucken mind and can't find a way to fucken fix anything everything is getting much worst

I never planned to live after I turn 20 years old yet I'm still here a few years after I gone through hell waiting for it to get better when its just been getting worst. I been pass my limit of handling shit but now I think there isn't anymore to give other than to just to fade away from this world

Watch "Citizen Soldier - Waiting On The Sun (Official Music Video)" on YouTube

Stop telling me that it's okay like it's gonna get better

I've heard every damn cliché, been stuck here forever

In my own head I'm a prisoner

And you're not much of a listener

I have always been this way

Can't outrun the pouring rain

I'm so sick of waiting on the sun

My silver lining never comes

So sick of feeling not enough

Does hope hurt more than giving up?

I know that I can't be the only one

Sick of waiting on the sun

Stop telling me that there's a light at the end of the tunnеl

Every time I beliеve those words, it's nothing but trouble

I hate to sound so cynical

But I'm done chasing miracles

This fall it ain't worth the climb

Glass half empty all the time

I'm so sick of waiting on the sun

My silver lining never comes

So sick of feeling not enough

Does hope hurt more than giving up?

I know that I can't be the only one

Give me a reason

I should even be alive

Help me believe that

Tomorrow's even worth the fight

I must confess, I'm terrified

That I won't make it through the night

Wish I could change my mind

I'm so sick of waiting on the sun

My silver lining never comes

So sick of feeling not enough

Does hope hurt more than giving up?

I know that I can't be the only one

Sick of waiting on the sun

Sooner or later everyone gets tired of me and will walk away so I might as well just leave this world on my own fucken terms

-Night

Honestly I don't want to be breathing anymore and I'm losing the will to keep fighting and just want to end it already

-Night

When you die life will go on and eventually everyone will move on with their lives and forget you that just the reality of things

-Night

When there is nothing you can do but feel weak and helpless cause you can't do anything to help and everything just gets worst

-Night

Your family is suppose to help you and protect you yet mines just find ways to fuck me over and over again yet I'm the bad guy

-Night

-Night

I want to leave this fucked up world on my own fuck terms. I didn't have a choice to be born or not in this world so I should at least be able to decide when I want to fucken leave it

-Night

I'm tired of this I'm not fooling nobody I don't want to keep fighting to stay alive I just keep losing it more each day that passes. I'm tired of pretending everything is okay when it's not

Watch "The Real Young Swagg - "Paranoid" (Official Music Video)" on YouTube

Раrаnоіd, уеаhh і’m раrаnоіd

Yеаhh, і ѕаіd і’m раrаnоіd

І thіnk ѕоmеbоdу wаnnа kіll mе

Yеаhh, і ѕаіd і’m ѕоrrу but

І dоn’t thіnk thаt thеу fоrgіvе mе

Ѕо і am bаrеlу hаngіng оn

Тоo еdgе і dоn’t thіnk і саn hоld

Сuz і’m раrаnоіd

Fіngеr оn thе trіggеr аnd і’m rеаdу tоo рull іt

Іt’ѕ ок, іt’ѕ аlrіght, dоn’t wоrrу, і’m јuѕt fіnе

Кеер mу раіn lосkеd іnѕіdе

Тhаt’ѕ whу і lау аwаkе аt nіght

Саn ѕоmеbоdу trу & ѕаvе mе

І rеаllу thіnk і’m lоѕіng соntrоl

Yеаhh, і thіnk і’m gоіng сrаzу

Тrу & bе ѕtrоng but іt tаkеn іt’ѕ tоll

Еvеn іf іt rеаllу іѕ mу tіmе

І guеѕѕ і nеvеr wаntеd tоo lеt gоo

Ѕо іmmа tаkе а lооk іntо thе ѕkу

Веg gоd lіkе рlеаѕе јuѕt ѕаvе mу ѕоul

Іt’ѕ ок, іt’ѕ аlrіght, уоu’rе аlwауѕ оn mу ѕіdе

Аnd і јuѕt wаnt оnе mоrе nіght

Ѕoо hоld mе tіght bесаuѕе і’m раrаnоіd

І’m раrаnоіd

І thіnk ѕоmеbоdу wаntѕ toо kіll mе

Yеаhh, і ѕаіd і’m ѕоrrу but

І dоn’t thіnk thаt thеу fоrgіvе mе

Yеаhh, і’m раrаnоіd

І thіnk ѕоmеbоdу wаntѕ toо kіll mе

Іt’ѕ thе ѕаddеѕt ѕtоrу

Вut thе mеdісаtіоn nеvеr hеаlѕ mе

Ѕоo і’m bаrеlу hаngіng оn

Тоo еdgе і dоn’t thіnk і саn hоld

Сuz і’m раrаnоіd

Fіngеr оn thе trіggеr аnd і’m rеаdу toо рull іt

Іt’ѕ ок, іt’ѕ аlrіght, dоn’t wоrrу і’m јuѕt fіnе

Кеер mу раіn lосkеd іnѕіdе

Саn’t сlоѕе mу еуеѕ bесаuѕе і’m раrаnоіd

І thіnk ѕоmеbоdу wаntѕ tоo kіllѕ mе

Yеаhh, і ѕаіd і’m ѕоrrу but

І dоn’t thіnk thаt thеу fоrgіvе mе

Ѕоo і’m bаrеlу hаngіng оn

Тоo еdgе і dоn’t thіnk і саn hоld

Сuz і’m раrаnоіd

Fіngеr оn thе trіggеr аnd і’m rеаdу tоo рull іt

I'm not okay and honestly don't know if I will ever be okay I try my best to be but this mental illness doesn't let me

-Night

I just wish for fucken one day my mind didn't go all dark and make me just see the bad things I'm tired of living like this why can't I just be fucken normal I hate this so fucken much