Elaborate trip to IKEA today and coincidental testing of the limits of my car. Who needs to see out of a rear window?! Not people who need shelves and a bed frame.
tilthat
via reddit.com
so you’re telling me that “stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni” would be like saying “wrote a G on his belt and called it gucci”
that’s…a pretty good analogy actually
US moron came to town
Hunting for some coochie
Wrote a G up on his belt
And this bitch called it Gucci
Seeing my notifications get flooded with this every July 4th is the only thing I respect about America
it is past time we jettisoned the useless false dichotomy of introversion vs. extroversion and just accepted that everybody has a minimum amount of social interaction, failing which, they get really weird. and everybody has a maximum amount of social interaction, exceeding which, they get really weird. these levels are different for everyone, for a variety of reasons, and have no moral dimension. and that is all.
why would you come to this club and just shoot Myers & Briggs like this
IMO, it’s healthier to conceptualize it this way. So instead of being like “why am I being so weird? I’m an introvert, I like being alone!” you say, “Ah, I must be supergluing googly eyes to my bathroom faucet because I haven’t met my minimum threshold of social interaction and I’m trying to fill that void with these tiny pieces of plastic. Maybe I should invite someone over for dinner. They sure will be surprised by all these eyes watching them while they poop.”
A couple job interview hacks from someone who has to give a job interview every single goddamn day: (disclaimer: this goes for my process and my company’s process, other companies and industries might be different)
1. There are a few things I check and a few questions I ask literally just to figure out if you can play the game and get along with others in a professional setting. Part of the job I interview for is talking to people, and we work in teams. So if you can’t “play the game” a tiny bit, it’s not going to work. Playing the game includes:
- Why do you want to work here? (just prove that you googled the company, tell me like 1 thing about us, I just want to know that you did SOME kind of preparation for this interview)
- Are you wearing professional clothing? I don’t need a suit just don’t show up in a ratty t-shirt and sweatpants.
- Are you able to speak respectfully and without dropping f-bombs all the time? Not because I’m offended but because I don’t want to be reported to HR if you wind up on my team.
- Can you follow simple directions in an interview?
2. Stop telling me protected information. I don’t want to know about what drugs or medications you’re on, I don’t want to know about you being sick, I don’t want to know if you’re planning to have children soon, I don’t want to know anything about your personal life other than “can you do the job?”
3. When we ask, “What questions do you have for me?” here are my favorites I’ve heard: - What does the day-to-day look like for a member of your team?
- If one of your team members was not performing up to his usual standard, what steps would you take to correct that?
- What can I start doing now to accelerate my learning process in this job?
- What are some reservations you have about me as a candidate? (be ready for this emotionally….it will REALLY help you in the future, and I’ve had people save themselves from a No after this, but can be hard to hear)
- In your opinion, what skills and qualities does the ideal candidate for this job possess?
- What advice would you give to a new hire in this position/someone who wanted to break into this industry, as someone who has worked here for a while?
Those are just my tips off-the-cuff. I work in sales in marketing/SAAS, so these can be very different depending on the industry, but I wish the people I interview could read this before they show up.
Finally escaping the clutches of Ron DeSantis and getting the fuck out of Florida. Here’s my road trip buddy.
Can we please make the deep sea the next cool desirable “final frontier” pretty please. I want Elon Musk to design a horrible Tesla Brand submarine and go down to map the Mariana’s Trench for commercial development and watch it crumple like a tin can the second it reaches 200 meters
ten years of fighting and when shit hits the fan tumblr instantly has reddit's back. the greatest enemies to lovers story ever told.
you understand
Oops, my hand slipped–
humanizations of websites have returned. nature is healing, capitalism is the virus
David Cleary!
i'm in Ireland and the search for that bastards name is still blocked and hidden... the legnths the british go to defend and protect their instruments of colonialism and violence is beyond belief. no justice for the victims and yet every measure taken to protect David James Cleary and his fellow murderers.
Never a better time for the Streisand Effect than when it's a government covering up acts of brutality and evil.
Our blessed tumblr
A holy site
Nah nah nah, you ain’t hiding this in the tags
Not one of the 7 deadly sins, but a secret 8th sin
sorry what
If ever there was a paragraph that described Canadian-Brand Racist Jackassetry, THIS IS VERY IT.
‘When you believe niceness disproves the presence of racism, it’s easy to start believing bigotry is rare, and that the label racist should be applied only to mean-spirited, intentional acts of discrimination. The problem with this framework–besides being a gross misunderstanding of how racism operates in systems and structures enabled by nice people–is that it obligates me to be nice in return, rather than truthful. I am expected to come closer to racists. Be nicer to them. Coddle them.’
It’s so good to see this articulated!
They may be Nice and they may be Polite but they are not good and they are not kind.
sex isn't sexy unless it's a little bit gross. have you forgotten that you are a divine ape? plastic smooth skin, plucked hair, painted faces, scripted reactions, scrubbed til only the smell of perfumed soap remains, proportions that are conflictingly cookiecutter yet unattainable, none of this is even a little bit interesting.
you can laugh at napoleon's "home in three days, don't bathe" letter to his wife, but there's more sexuality in that one line then there is in the entirety of the hypersexualized but painfully unsexy internet.
What are your thoughts on musk?
i hope he dies
“You want me to be gay? The thing that killed Castiel?”
— Misha Collins on the phone with Warner Brothers
Grogu’s new name is (d)jarring but I love it.
Also, maybe Din just doesn’t like his first name and prefers to go by his family name? He’s in his xfiles era.
okay now i can kind of understand why people were freaking out about that train motion picture in like the late 1800s
[image id: a four-page comic. it is titled “do not stand at my grave and weep” after the poem by mary elizabeth frye. the first page shows paleontologists digging up fossils at a dig. it reads, “do not stand at my grave and weep. i am not there. i do not sleep.” page two features several prehistoric creatures living in the wild. not featured but notable, each have modern descendants: horses, cetaceans, horsetail plants, and crocodilians. it reads, “i am a thousand winds that blow. i am the diamond glints on snow. i am the sunlight on ripened grain. i am the gentle autumn rain.” the third page shows archaeopteryx in the treetops and the skies, then a modern museum-goer reading the placard on a fossil display. it reads, “when you awaken in the morning’s hush, i am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight. i am the soft stars that shine at night. do not stand at my grave and cry.” the fourth page shows a chicken in a field. it reads, “i am not there. i did not die” / end id]
a comic i made in about 15 hours for my school’s comic anthology. the theme was “evolution”
The tags on this post lmfaoooo
gems from the tags: round 2
sorry to the sad tumblr girlies but the real cunt is in the room containing these 4
new SuperWhoLock just dropped
As you all know. I work at an elementary school. And for Christmas, a bunch of kids got tamagotchis. Well. One girl fucking FORGOT her tamagotchi at school. And I saw it and was like oh fuck. So I took it home for the weekend and now am saddled with the responsibility of keeping it alive until Monday afternoon when I see her again.
Not this damn tamagotchi setting off an alarm at fucking 1am because it "pooped" and I need to press buttons to clean it up 😭 there's NO WAY of turning this thing off. Avielle is lucky I've committed myself to taking care of it this weekend. Next time a kid forgets their tamagotchi at school I'm letting it die idc idc
I’m locking it in the bathroom overnight idc the fact that it keeps going off for no reason is insane whoever invented these needs to go to jail
I can’t clean its poop while it’s asleep so it’s just sleeping in a pile of it’s own shit rn … why is this enjoyable??
This fucking thing is like. Nocturnal. It’s slept ALL DAY like it won’t STOP SLEEPING in a pile of shit and there’s nothing I can do to wake it up which like, that’s fine except it’s going to wake up at night and start beeping at me!!!!! How am I supposed to take care of it when it literally is only awake at night???? I have a morning shift tomorrow I can’t stay up until 3 am to feed this fucking pixel beast!!! But also I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let avielle’s beloved tamagotchi die so I guess this is just my life now
Tamagotchi UPDATE because a lot of people are saying they’re invested in how this plays out.
After, i shit you not, OVER THIRTEEN HOURS of sleep, the tamagotchi finally woke up at 9:18pm, which I was made aware of because it beeped loudly at me. For context, I am at my SECOND job (not the elementary school, the candy shop where I am currently alone working the closing shift on a Saturday night, which is already not fun.) I investigate and finally clean up the two giant shits that have been sitting on screen for the entire thirteen hour nap. However, the poops are quickly replaced by…. A ghost????
You can’t rly see but it was like. The black blob to the side. Clearly a ghost or possibly skull or black jellyfish. When I try to hit any buttons, the tamagotchi shakes its head violently at me, refusing to eat or play. I can’t get the ghost to leave. A customer walks in and I have to hastily stuff the tamagotchi into my pocket. When I take it out of my pocket, the ghost has gone. I press a bunch of buttons at random until I am able to ascertain that this little fuck is 1. STARVING 2. MISERABLE. Which is NOT MY FAULT, seeing as it was asleep for THE ENTIRE WAKING FUCKING DAY and resisted all attempts to engage with it. I press more buttons, and am able to feed it 5 hamburgers and 2 pieces of cake, which fills it up. It is still deeply unhappy. I am currently standing behind the counter of this stupid candy store on the clock jamming buttons in order to entertain this stupid pixelated asshole enough that it becomes sufficiently happy. So that it doesn’t fucking die of boredom or depression or whatever. The game we play is confusing and involves numbers and pressing buttons at random times. The tamagotchi is very explicit with its attempts to show its frustration at me, but right now it’s 9:32pm and I think it’s satisfied. I’ve been walked in on three times. It keeps beeping at me from my pocket. Long story short:
So this tamagotchi is the fucking devil.
11:30pm Saturday night. I’m finally almost done closing the candy store and ready to go home. Since waking up, the tamagotchi has been periodically beeping with an obscene sense of urgency and entitlement, but nothing out of the ordinary. I take a fun mirror selfie (for a later update) with the tamagotchi in the mirror by the front door right before I’m about to leave. I walk away from the mirror.
It fucking shatters.
God fucking help me I am about to lose my shit.
Morning update: a very kind person sent me an ask telling me how to hack a pause on this tamagotchi. They also, in a round abour way, told me how to set the time—the eight year old who owns this tamagotchi had it set to the reverse, so the beastie thought it was 9:30pm instead of am, which explains why it was ONLY AWAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I fixed it for her so that it actually has a reasonable sleep schedule, woke up the tamagotchi, cleaned it’s 3 festering poops, got rid of the ghost (which someone else informed me means the tamagotchi is sick, probably from the starvation and the poops), fed it a bunch of hamburgers and cake slices, and got it back to full health and happiness. Now I’m gonna use the pause hack to pause this motherfucker. Yaaaay! Time to feed and walk my actual living dog and then go to work and clean up a shattered mirror 🧍🧍🧍
Nothing new to report, I had a long workday so I’m REALLY glad that person gave me the pause hack or it would have died of neglect. To address some of the comments in the notes, 1. yes this kid is worth it I would do it for any of them I love my children even if I fucking hate this tamagotchi 2. @ the person in my notes who said their tamagotchi stressed them so much they destroyed it with a hammer youre my favorite person and that’s hysterical I get it I really do 3. Several people are asking where they can get a tamagotchi and expressing the desire to acquire one and I have to say: if your takeaway from this post is that tamagotchis are fun toys there is something WRONG with you THEY ARE NOT FUN THE MORAL OF THIS POST IS DO NOT GET A TAMAGOTCHI THEY SUCK SO BAD 4. I give this piece of shit back to Avie early tomorrow afternoon thank fucking god I’ve never been more excited to get rid of a thing in my life. Okay that’s all for now thank you for following this journey we are nearing the end. Goodnight from me and atlas and the pixel devil
Yoooooo it evolved into a kind of blobular duck thing !!
THE TAMAGOTCHI HAS BEEN RETURNED TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER!!!!
It was honestly worth it, she was so so surprised and happy and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters to me. I would do anything for these kids for real. But I am also beyond thrilled that that hellspawn is out of my hands. What a harrowing year this past weekend has been. This is my final update—I know a lot of people have become invested, and to those people I say thank you for joining me on this journey. I leave you with this.
As a fellow elementary school staffer I salute your bravery.
My 7 year old got one of these for Christmas, had a panic attack after one day because she couldn’t keep up with its demands, and asked me to put it away until after she went to college because “Mommy, I’m not responsible enough for this toy.”