the colorful gay tags are hilarious on dark mode cause:

I’m an se ua

Jenna Marbles got naked, covered herself in rice crispy treats, climbed the flagpole in my front yard and yelled, “I AM THE MOUNTAIN KING.”

Are we going to ignore the fact this is something that 20 year old Jenna would definitely do if she had the ability to

a short story

She has to quite her whole job now. That’s the only solution

he was in arthur.

you're thinking of Jill Eikenberry; I think this guy was an astronaut of some kind

that's Neil Armstrong, I thought this guy was in How I Met Your Mother

That's Neil Patrick Harris. I think this might have been the playwright who wrote The Odd Couple.

That’s Neil Simon. I think this is the musician who wrote Sweet Caroline.

That’s Neil Diamond. I think this is an astrophysicist

That’s Neil deGrasse Tyson. I think this is a river in Egypt.

That's the Nile; I think this is the Irish guy who made the movies "The Crying Game" and "Interview with the Vampire".

No no, that was Neil Jordan. This has got to be the first person to walk on the moon.

No, that’s Neil Armstrong. This is one of those things you hit with hammers.

No that's a nail. I think this is what you do when you genuflect.

No, that’s Kneel.  This is a physics term, a point in a field where the field quantity is zero as the result of two or more opposing quantities completely cancelling each other.  

That’s null. I’m pretty sure this guy is a man-hyena hybrid, made popular in games such as Dungeons & Dragons and World of Warcraft.

No, that's a gnoll. I'm pretty sure he's a man interested in other men exclusively.

You decided to be on this hell site, now you deal with it

I heard too many sounds at once and now I am a bitch

We’re all one sensory overload away from becoming the strongest versions of ourselves

supervillain origin story: two conversations happened near me at the same time

Productivity culture will deceive you (especially if you are particularly high-functioning or a former Gifted Kid) into thinking that any use of your time that can’t be monetized or leveraged for your personal advancement is worthless, and I’m here to tell you that’s the devil talking. Do shit because you like it.

WHOA.

The “I Probably Shouldn’t Have Pets” Starter Pack

Could someone tell me what’s wrong with meowmix?

seems that it’s made some cats sicker (puking uncontrollably) and has been infested with bugs often, also in general, i think it’s probably just low grade and can give cats problems (like purina for dogs)

What’s wrong with the bird cage? I could understand that it could be too small for a large bird like a parrot, but what about a canary?

Nope. That cage is far too small to be used as a home for any kind of bird. It’s acceptable as a travel cage for small birds, or as a sleeping only cage. But songbirds deserve to have room to move around and fly too.

For Canaries and finches, it’s recommended they have at least a 3 foot cage!

Canaries are birds that need to fly. They were not meant to be domesticated and profited from as pets. They are highly active birds that will self harm from stress in such confined spaces. Canaries are delightful to have in groups, though they are fine on their own, but every 1 bird adds 3 cubic feet to the space needed. They need multiple perches and toys. These are examples of proper Canary or other small bird enclosures.

Meow Mix is a horrible brand of cat food, I used to feed it to my cats and they would just throw it back up. It’s so low quality that half of the ingredients aren’t even food items. The meat is all scrap by products from slaughterhouses like hooves, eyes, tails and fat because it’s cheap. Which is something they don’t list on the packaging to fool pet owners. I always used to find worms in my bags of Meow Mix. Beneful literally uses antifreeze in it’s food, which has lead to the deaths of thousands of dogs a year. From conditions such as internal bleeding, seizures and cancers. 

Rabbits shouldn’t be confined to a cage. (Especially a dog cage..?) Rabbits are curious creatures that need to jump, run, chew and play to be healthy. Keeping them locked in a cage 24/7 as a toy for your kids will make them sick or develop aggression from stress. Healthy rabbit lifespans are 10+ years. Rabbit cages should only be a place for your rabbit to use the litterbox and sleep after a long day of exercise and play. Also, never keep two rabbits together unless they are fixed. Rabbits are territorial and they will either fight or mate rapidly when intact. Up to 14 babies every month. This is the proper set up for a rabbit.

I’m cringing at that rainbow “my mommy got me a cute hamster” rodent cage. These are small creatures that need to run around and explore. They need to burrow and chew. This is the proper set up for a hamster or other small rodent. 

Betta fish get stressed from any confinement under 5 gallons. They are the worst pet for being sold to kids as “accessories” in small cubed tanks. When kept like that the fish will die a horribly stressed life within a year when they can live for 7 or more. They need calm filtration with many dark caves and soft plants. They are aggressive to other fish. These fish are so intelligent that they actually play with you, and they need mental stimulation to live healthy. These are proper Betta setups.

Who the fuck would even feed an omnivorous bearded dragon pellet food…? Do they want a sick pet? If pet stores even bothered to care about the keeping of exotic pets, they would know that shit is bad for them. If you can’t feed live meal worms and crickets than you shouldn’t own an exotic pet in the first place. Pellet food isn’t even real food, it’s chemically made with preservatives. 

@amazingpetenclosures

All of this is good info, thanks!

“Too small for a large bird like a parrot”

Reminder that parrots are not one species and range from budgie (parakeet) and cockatiel sized to macaws.

Either way it’s too fucking small, mate

@ the people in the comments going like “but i cant afford anything bigger/better!”

like no offence, but you shouldnt get a pet at all if you cannot afford to give them decent care.

rebloging for that last comment. you wouldn't be able imagine the amount of people out there who don't care to look into the proper care of an animal and instead just go out and buy one, just because the animal is “cool/ adorable”.

PLEASE SHARE.

The one where Ron and Harry know Hermione and Ginny better

Ron: Hermione’s mad because I know today’s her laundry day and that means she’s wearing her old lady underpants.

Hermione: I just can’t believe that you think that you and Harry know me and Ginny better than we know you.

Harry: Well… we do. You can only eat Tic Tacs in even numbers.

Ron: Yeah, what’s that about?

Harry: (to Ginny) And you… Neville, I believe, if you check Ginny’s bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.

Neville: Yes!, You’re good. These are not.

Ginny: I’m so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.

Ron: Okay, ten galleons says that we can name every item in that bag.

Hermione: How many guesses do you get?

Harry: Six.

Neville: Challenge extended.

Ginny: Deal!

Neville: Challenge acepted.

Ron: All right, we’ll start with…apples.

Neville: We’ll be starting with apples.

Ron: (to Neville) Stop that now.

(Neville reveals a bag of apples.)

Ron: Yes!

Harry: Okay. Uhh, tortilla chips, yogurt.

Ron: Diet butterbeer.

Neville: Yes. Yes. Yes. 

Ron: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Harry’s ear.)

Harry: No-no, not for like another two weeks.

(Hermione and Ginny look at each other)

Ron: I got it! Scotch… tape. 

Neville: Yes! How did you know she would buy scotch tape?

Ron: We used their’s up last night making scary faces.

he’s trying to use a fucking Tide pen

The struggle is real

I literally can’t figure out what this means.

i didn’t even know this could help me. i’m going to shoot the autoimmune disorder out of me

Doctor: you have the flu

Me cocking my gun: like hell I do

dont say nothin just reblog if she looks like who you know we all think she looks like

We have this horrible student teacher in social studies and everyone does everything they can to make life miserable for him, so one day someone was wearing a Green Day shirt and he said to her “isn’t Green Day getting a little old?” And she looked him right in the eye and said “aren’t you?”

please dont make fun of picky eaters bc we annoy ourselves too