Dumb LMK fic prompt, where MK gets thrown back in time to post JTTW time(magic also giving him a monkey form because reasons)

He ends up being found by PIF who takes one look at him and is like ‘Are you fucking kidding me that FUCKING SIMIAN KNOCKED UP MACAQUE!’ MK is trying to explain that he is not the Monkey King and Mac’s kid but PIF is not buying it he does look way too much like the two of them in Monkie form and having the Monkey Kings powers…PIF is 110% convinced he is the Monkey Kings kid… he tries explaining that he’s the Monkey Kings successor and was human and is from the future…PIF just thinks he must have hit his head or something and is confused but is undeniably Mac and SWK’s kid.

MK is kinda scared she’s going to kill him but

PIF: THAT ABSOULTE BASTARD NOT ONLY DID HE KILL MY BEST FRIEND

MK:Wait your what?

PIF:AND HIS MATE

MK:…WAIT WHAT?

PIF:BUT HE ALSO KNOCKED HIM UP FIRST! AND NEITHER TOLD ME! UGH I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

MK: Because it’s not true but sorry what did you say about the Monkey king and Macaque being ma…

PIF:I TOLD LIU ER A MILLION TIMES HE COULD SO MUCH BETTER AND NOW, OH I AM GOING TO MARCH DOWN INTO HELL AND DRAG THAT MORON OUT

MK:No sorry please go back Monkey king and Macaque were what now?

PIF instead of killing him just drags very confused MK back explaining that he’s basically part of the family and she is not letting him go back to his ‘deadbeat simian dumbass’ of a father that she’s getting Mac back finding a way to get DBK out and then they’ll find someone worthy to set his other father up with no matter what he says because clearly his taste is the worst.

MK is just so confused… things get worse when he meets younger Red Son, who instantly falls head over heels for MK and MK is very embarrassed and awkward and somehow ends up letting DBK out because he moves the staff and now he’s freaking out about space time continuum and dealing with PIF matchmaking him and Red Son and everyone thinking he’s Mac and SWK’s kid.

SWK is very very confused by the angry letters he’s getting from PIF calling him deadbeat and threatening to castrate him he feels like he should be worried.

The court of heaven see MK and are like ‘…FUCK WHEN DID SUN WUKONG HAVE A KID?’ and then ‘Wait doesn’t this kid look the six eared…OH FUCK’ the court of heaven freaking out over 1)SWK having a kid who seems to have his powers oh no oh no oh no (The Jade emperor is hyperventilating and hiding under his desk) 2)SWK BEING A PARENT! And 3) SWK’s mate being dead….

It’s kinda decided very quickly that the six eared Macaque was the more rational one….apart from the unpleasantness at the end… that the court of heaven still feel awkward about cause they were meant to send someone to tell the Monkey kings mate about what was going on but sort of ….forgot (times weird and by the time someone figured it out… it was to late) so they pull some strings and Macaque is back alive.

Court of heaven: Hey sorry about all that um… please go make sure your kid doesn’t wage war on heaven…please

Mac:…

Mac:My what now?

Bonus

PIF:Oh you idiot I told you that Simian was the worst oh I’m so glad your back

PIF:…oh my the way your kids engaged to my son

Mac:…I’m sorry my WHAT NOW?

Varian and the Seven Kingdoms Consolidation of Info

Requested by anon

This is going to be a consolidation of all the official Vat7K stuff I have on my blog, including copy/pasting of posts Kay Ritter and Anna Lencioni have posted, and to a lesser extent, things I’ve posted with insider knowledge I had before Kay ever released their notes. Alexa Bosy was also involved in the project.*

*Please note that all these asks were sent when Kay was still going by Kait and was still using she/her pronouns. I have edited to reflect their preferred name and pronouns when referencing them, but did not edit the content of the original asks.

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Thing is, when Hugo and Varian confess they're still in their era of pissing each other off. Hugo doesn't expect much to change. He thinks that's just their dynamic and how their personalities mix. He doesn't realize that Varian was consciously making an effort to piss him off to hide his feelings, whereas Hugo was consciously making an effort to piss Varian off because 1) it's funny and 2) he has no idea how to show affection. He's not at all prepared for the absolute hopeless romantic Varian truly is

varian: hugo will you just tell me what the fuck this powder is

hugo: no you have to figure it out thats like half the fun

varian: ok well ive narrowed it down to two choices. i dont know which one it could be

varian: it’s either a very sweet tasting compound that people use as an artificial flavor

varian: or it’s very potent neurotoxin

varian:

varian: :)

hugo: goggles.

varian: i am going to eat this powder

hugo: varian this is ridiculous

varian: oh noo im going to eat this powder unless someone stops me oh no what a shame if only someone knew what this powder was and knew whether or not it was safe for me to eaaatt

ok varigo time, thinking about varian and hugo both being big gushy romantics but absolutely dropping the ball on important events in their lives

eugene comes down to ask them what they’re doing that night and varian tells him that they’re going to put hotdogs into test tubes bc they’re hot dog shaped and they’re going to cook them with different chemical fires and see which one tastes the best and eugene is just like “ok for starters, that’s disgusting. and following that it’s your wedding anniversary!” 

and varian is just “Oh shit, hugo, chance of plans we’re going out to eat tonight for our wedding anniversary”

only for hugo to pop his head out from wherever he is just like “:,c but we were gonna do the hot dog thing :,c” 

but on the flip side rapunzel will walk in on varian making some big, extravagant meal and a huge, perfectly decorated cake for hugo and ask what the occasion is and varian just looks at her like “It’s tuesday <3~” 

I like how the entire vat7k fandom just agrees that Hugo dropped a piano on Eugene's head at some point during their careers

varian, knows nothing about farming: oh you’re having trouble with the harvest. have you. tried. the wheelbarrow?

quirin, knows nothing about science: oh dear the boilers aren’t working? have you checked. the. entropy?

quirin buys an alchemy book to try and understand his son better snd it only makes him more confused but he doesnt want to admit it so he just starts dropping the most unhinged out of place fancy stem words in the middle of conversations with varian and varian does Not have the heart to correct him

dear god i went full disney. happy pride month or something here's an insane ramble about this piece

‼️‼️ ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SPOILERS ‼️‼️

cass meets vat7k ft. loser hugo 

i saw this template and then kind of just blacked out i promise i really was trying to post something else other than varigo

HC that Red Son and DBK both hate ball and chain "jokes".

Like, neither of them understand why you would make a joke like that if you loved your partner. Why would you marry them if you felt trapped in it?! In DBK's opinion, marrying Iron Fan was one of the best days of his life!

At least one bridal store gets destroyed if Red marries Qi Xiaotian and/or Long Xiaojiao bc some idiot decided it would be funny to crack one of those jokes.

I don't like guessing games Or when I feel things Before I know the feelings How am I supposed to operate If I'm just tossed around by fate? Like on an unexpected date? With a stranger who might talk too fast Or ask me questions about myself Before I've decided that He can ask me questions about myself

I think the Evil Media Bias Against Platonic Relationships is one of those things tumblr loves to get worked up about despite, like. simply not being real.

"men in media are never allowed to have their closest, most meaningful relationship be a platonic friendship with another man!" I'm sorry but I am not convinced that you've ever consumed media

"okay maybe buddy comedies exist or whatever, but this is a problem in fandom spaces--" It's not a "problem" that gay people on the internet like to draw gay kissing. Hope this helps <3

me, shaking the people in the notes by the shoulders: Fandom is an extremely niche subculture. Gay shipping is a niche of that niche. 99% of the population does not engage with it. You do not have to walk into the Gay Romance And Erotica Club and complain about the gay romance and erotica

the people in the notes: I'm being forced at gunpoint actually

Seriously, the easiest way for a time-traveler to make present-day money completely untraceably would be comicbooks.

Go buy yourself a US 10c coin from 1935, which will apparently set you back around $8.50; set your time machine for New York, April 18th 1938; walk up to a newsstand and buy a copy of Action Comics #1 with your dime.

Come back to the present, send the comic off to be professionally graded, tell everyone you found it in a yard sale, sell it at auction, and congratulations: your $8.50 is now $3.25 million.

Repeat with Detective Comics #27, Amazing Fantasy #15, etc.

Hell, if you don't wanna draw attention to yourself, just pick less expensive comics! Need $600 quick? Go to February 1991, pick up New Mutants #98 for a dollar, and a Deadpool fan will take that off your hands really quick.

Comics are mass-produced, so history won't miss a copy or two going missing; basically untraceable once sold; and can easily be claimed as something you found in a yard sale or charity shop.

Make sure to stick it in an archival lockbox and then pick it up later, especially if it’s something that was made before the Trinity test; if it doesn’t have the right nuclear isotopes, you might be SOL.