some of yall need to go lie down on the forest floor and grow moss

Yesterday I confused a friend because I called him sir and he was like ??? why are you calling me sir we’re friends? And i had to explain that sir is not a word its a feeling. my mac shutting down for no reason is sir. My cat is sir. My pair of jeans is sir. An email that finds me unwell is sir. Two bugs outside my window are sirs.

Examples:

Too many of us have worked retail.

Sir is very close to, you motherfucker.

You motherfucker (polite)

So you’ve got this bitch-ass fitted sheet that you would normally pile into a ball and shove into a closet so you won’t have to deal with it, yeah? Well. Quit acting like a piece of linen is better than you are. You can make a fitted sheet bend to your will. And here’s how…

First, put your sheet on the floor. Stand above it for a few seconds so it knows who’s boss.

Then, put your hand in the lower left corner so that it’s inside out. Do the same to the lower right corner.

Now, your lower left and right corners of the fitted sheet should be inside out. (Shoutout to Amy Poehler, love your work).

Then, take the lower left corner (that’s still inside out) and tuck it into the upper left corner. It should look like the picture above once you’re done. Then, do the same with your right corners.

It should look something like that. Right now, she’s your friend at the end of a good night out. Doesn’t look really bad, but you know she deserves better. 

Pull at the corners until you get something like this shape, as it makes it easier to fold. You’ve given your friend some plain white bread and a glass of water. She’s looking much more presentable now.

Now, pull in at the elastic until you make a rectangle. You’ll want to tuck and smooth the excess fabric away from the elastic seams and towards the closed edge of the fitted sheet.

Once you’ve got a (semi) neat rectangle, fold the the top of the sheet down about a third of the way through. I like to fold the upper part of the sheet down first, because it’s not as straight of an edge as the bottom. You can find your own meaning within that description.

Now, fold the lower portion of the sheet on top of the part you’ve already folded down.

Fold the left side of the sheet into the middle, and then fold the right side of the sheet on top of what you just folded. 

Congratulations. You just made a fitted sheet your bitch.

No but really, this has been the most complete and informative description of how to fold a fitted sheet I’ve ever seen. Very few that I’ve seen show the “bread and water” step.

A parrot eating a croissant while standing on the top of the sign.

(via)

BISEXUAL TACO BELL???? LIKE, AN ORIGINAL TACO BELL????

yall forgot the ultimate

she keep me worm

i love that this post is somehow going around again because i made AND deleted it in literally 2012

people are literally so boring a male character will kill 10000 people and steal candy from babies and theyll be like omg thats my king! but a female character is rude once and theyre like i hope she dies violently

reblog to support female characters violently killing people

A Himbo must fulfill ALL!

THREE!

PILLARS!

i forgot i was autistic and ate whipped cream

lactose intolerant. i meant lactose intolerant.

girl help i’m having creation ideas above my skill level

girl help i'm having creation ideas above my motivation level

girl help I’m having creation ideas above my free time level

An 18th century travel female urinal with an eye portrait and the inscription “Ha je te vois petit coquin,” which roughly translates to “Ha! I see you, little rascal.”

#there it is… the icup

Christopher: A woman? Kirk: A crewman.

OH LOOK AT THAT THE 1960S

AND SHE’S IN COMMAND GOLD FUCKERS.

She’s not in Medical blue, a caretaking, feminine role.  

Those in Gold were either OFFICERS, NAVIGATORS, PILOTS, TACTICAL OFFICERS, or WEAPONS SPECIALISTS.  

This is the Kirk everyone likes to forget.

Y’all, if you care about feminism, then you ought to care about the history and context of the miniskirt. The 60s were an era of rebellion against the 50s, and the skirts were part of it. They were literally cutting edge fashion, and a statement that women made against the more housewifey style of skirt from the decade before. It was Grace Lee Whitney herself who suggested to Roddenberry that they wear them, and Nichelle Nichols has said she never had a problem with them. They are a product of their time yes, but the women chose to wear them because of the context of that time. 

Also some men in Starfleet ware miniskirts and dresses:

And some of the women wear pants:

They’re given the power of choice, regardless of gender or sex.

Shit ‘-’ None of this even clicked to me - Thats fucking glorious :D

Picard in that dress is so good. Look at him! He looks formal and serious and dignified! He looks like he’s captain of his ship and he’s got some important business to do. And he’s in a dress and tights. And it’s not a joke. It’s not a joke about a man in a dress! It’s just, you know, a man who is wearing a dress, and that’s normal and appropriate. It’s part of the uniform. It fits him. It’s totally unremarkable and that is so rare and I’m so happy.

I feel obligated to point out that this is Picard’s literal dress uniform (his Extra Special Fancy Uniform), and he hated his dress uniform? But he hated it because the collar was uncomfortable, not because it was A Dress. There’s zero commentary on how it’s A Dress and a lot of bitching about its lack of comfort.

I'm actually pansexual and nonbinary, but I'm liking the vibe my g!

wallace and gromit

im gonna vomit

i got a glock with your name on it

pacific rim, on blu-ray 

i might suck dick but im not gay

this post getting unflagged is like restoring the library of alexandria

When you're 5'1 and have people you enjoy the company of

Soon these birds will take over the world

if you don’t know the difference between a hare and a rabbit you’ve never gazed into the cold wild eyes of a hare and known that if it could speak it would speak backwards

Jack Rabbits are North American Hares and they’re the WORST to encounter at night becuase:

@gallusrostromegalus that last bit gave me such a strong mental image I absolutely had to draw it

WELL HOLY SHIT.

CONGRATULATE, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.

is it ok if I print it out and stick it on the fridge?

HOLY FUCK THERE’S AN AUDIOPOST NOW.

I LOVE IT.

See this shit? This is why I love Tumblr

Got bored. So I made myself a maze in Minecraft, put Iron Golems at the start, punched them and proceeded to run for my life. So far I have been killed 6 times

When you get past the fear stage its actually really fun

I just realized I never put an exit on the maze and that’s probably why I keep being cornered and dying

[Image description: the painting ‘Nighthawks’ by Edward Hopper, which shows three customers - two men, one woman - and a server behind the counter in a diner at night.

The caption reads: ‘June 7th 1942: Edward Hopper completes his best known painting, the seminal ‘Nighthawks’. When asked by a Chicago Tribute reporter about the philosophical meaning behind the diner having no visible exits Hopper responded, “Shit. Fuck. I did it again. Goddamnit. Fuck. Not again. I did it again. Shit.” and slammed his hat on his leg.’

End description]

Me as fuck