waiting is

i hate that my credit card bill is due literally the day before i get the paycheck that i use to pay off my credit card

had an extremely long and exhausting dream about my sister and i being the children of satan getting into petty arguments and sending armies of demons after each other until we tore a hole in the fabric of the universe and i got catapulted into an alternate future pocket dimension where my sister had made a deal with some ancient blind demon trying to steal her power who made her immortal in return for never consuming any human-made entertainment media again. then i had an extended flashback to being a child hunted at school and home by bullies with supernatural abilities that my past self assumed were evil but were in fact some kind of angels hunting me because i was the son of satan

i used to miss weird stupid tumblr april fools pranks by not updating the app but now i miss weird allegedly purposeful misguided destructive tumblr ui/ux decisions by not updating the app

thank you, phone, that’s exactly what i meant

sideways sasuke watching me shit

target brand seltzer is so carbonated i can hear it fizzing from two feet away with two fans on and the dishwasher running

ate at olive garden for the second time today and the food was so so fucking painfully salty. last time we just the unlimited soup salad breadsticks and the soups are normal salty, the breadsticks are heavily salted which like sure, fine, ok, it’s a plain appetizer, but even the entree this time (tortellini with chicken) was just so so salt forward. salt and cheese and not much else. also i ordered an aperol spritz and overheard the bartender saying to his coworker “that’s just aperol and soda right?”

had a dream that i went to a flea market to buy books (and also bionicles for some reason) and then got drunk at a restaurant on the fifth floor of an abandoned half-demolished apartment building owned by a friend of mine and lost the bag of books i spent like a hundred bucks on which upset me so much made a deal with a low-poly human-faced dragon-devil to receive immense riches in return for becoming very unlikable and untrustworthy to most people. i walked outside and an atm just started spitting money at me but everyone around assumed i was hacking the atm or committing some kind of crime and called the cops on me. some of them chased me around throwing rocks and sticks at me but i distracted them by throwing money and by the time i found a place to hide there was a city wide man hunt going on cop cars driving slowly up and down every street telling people on loudspeaker that there was a curfew and you couldn’t leave your house for any reason, not even to vape. and i was like well. thank god i smoke cigarettes instead

removing the dedicated Stop Requested indicator from their buses has gotta be one of the stupidest and most baffling things king county metro has ever done. it’s been years and i still cannot fathom who this benefits

had another dream within a dream, in which the lowest dream level was basically a premonition of the elder scrolls 6 demo which was released on the day that i woke up into. except it was some kind of kingdom hearts crossover nonsense where the villain is some guy hopping around different universes trying to steal their secrets. the only other ones i definitely remember being in the dream were atomic heart, horizon, and aladdin (?). instead of a gummi ship you had to make a lego hot air balloon but you had to strategize which characters you put on which levels because the lower floors would drop away if you took enough damage. the only vendors were cyberghosts of protagonists of other video games that you summoned through a menu labeled “TALK TO DEAD COPS” also for some reason this game forced you to use opera as your default web browser

the fact that they don’t even say amazon gift card anymore they just say gift card and assume you know

the absolute dire state of american public transit:

“earn a $50 gift card just for logging 25 days of non-drive-alone travel on the app”

while i was taking my smoke break i watched two shirtless guys make out and fondle each other while dumpster diving

my job is running a “philly cheesesteak” special on juneteenth

i had a dream that some people from a youtube channel i used to watch were renting some of the apartments in my building as like an airb&b type thing. and this dream lasted several days with me going to sleep and waking up like “was that a dream? no, surely i did meet a random assortment of people from funhaus staying in my apartment building” even though we had rented paddle boats together and my apartment building was three times larger and painted red and covered in graffiti inside and out with expensive modern art hung in the hallways to cover some of it up