America moment

People in america need to wake up to the fact they're trying to kill us on a daily bases feeding is things that are illegal in most countries

It probably wasn’t pesticides. It was more likely a difference in the amount of gluten in the bread.

North American bread has a much higher gluten content, because there is a higher gluten content in North American wheat and other grains. This is because the grains need it to survive the generally colder climates of North America, so they’ve been bred to have a higher gluten content, which helps insulate the grains from the cold.

So it’s not that the higher amount of gluten is illegal in other places, it’s simply just not necessary, and so it’s not there.

And so North American people who have gluten intolerances often see relief when they eat European bread, due to it not containing the extra gluten.

This is an incredibly common phenomenon.

If you are a North American with a gluten intolerance, now doubting the legitimacy of that because of this video or screenshot, I promise they aren’t poisoning you, they’re just trying to make sure that people in North America can have their own wheat, flour, and bread without the logistics and high price of shipping it across the Atlantic Ocean.

saw this rbed without this addition (i already knew this but u can look it up if ur unsure) n you guys should rb this version instead! our (meaning American ) government sucks but not EVERYTHING is a conspiracy some things are the way they are for many different reasons and it sucks but it is what it is i promise u American bread isn't being poisoned by the govt .

I'm NOT gonna say it again

SEASONINGS include herbs and spices, along with minerals and chemicals used to season food!!!! Salt, citric acid, and MSG, are all examples of seasonings that are NOT herbs or spices!

HERBS are flavorful leaves. Only. Leaves. Doesn't matter if its dried, fresh, whole, or ground, if it is a leaf, it is an herb

SPICES are flavorful parts of plants that are NOT LEAVES. These include seeds, berries, stems, bark, roots, flowers, buds... NOT LEAVES

THANK YOU

Things are heating up in the cooking fandom.

That's how cooking works

Working as a prep cook for a Jewish summer I learnt this and I’ve never looked back

if you’re not a big, strong fella like these guys, you can whack the bottom of the lettuce head on the counter. fun and efficient culinary violence.

ordered pizza from a small local place and they didnt actually cut it so i've chosen to revert to a wild animal and begin ripping it apart instead of just using a knife to portion slices

absolutely visceral experience. food is so much more satisfying when you have to fight it. i may be feral

i am not proud to say this but that pizza lasted fifteen minutes. i normally am not that gluttonous, but this goes beyond glutton. there was gluttony and wrath. a whirlwind of sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, all atop a flatbread that was shred apart by my own hands due to the neglect of another

in that moment i was wild. i was free. i understood the simplest joys in life. the joy of eating and manifesting my own destiny

been reflecting on this all day and the unsliced pizza experience honestly ruled. i think everyone should try it sometime or another. you have not truly lived until you just absolutely obliterated a pizza in such a feral manner

is this you

yes

run

we really can’t overstate how damaging it has been to indoctrinate the public with the idea that if they let themselves eat as much as they want, they’ll eat too much. human bodies, when permitted over the long term to eat as much as they want, actually get really, really good at calibrating their hunger and satiety, and will over time eat exactly the right amount for themselves. the common conception of a balanced eater as a minimal or restrained eater is absolutely wrong. balanced eaters eat quite a lot (compared to diet cultural ideas about right intake amounts), and they do so consistently and permanently. healthy, balanced eating isn’t some tightrope walk, it’s a gigantic net of total permission to eat.

tags via @theendofmybody

@badatwritingstuff

"roughly chopped" into the most beautifully uniform cuts I've ever seen. Okay man, my roughly chopped looks like I did it with my teeth 😭

I can tell it's snoops technique for sure

fruit-in-jars 101 by stacynguyen

"What is jam? What makes something authentically jam? Can bacon really be made into jam?

It was all very Existentialist.

The answer to those questions is a bit complicated and non-definitive. The U.S. FDA has defined jam and jelly in very specific and mathematical terms (such-and-such percentage of juice to fruit to water to sugar = jam/jelly); it also uses jam and preserve interchangeably, for the most part. While interesting, the FDA’s definitions did not matter much to me because the FDA wasn’t really using the terms in the way that we usually use the terms. Also, the FDA wasn’t comprehensive in its definitions. It didn’t tackle other fruit spreads like marmalades or curds, for instance.

The more I looked into, the more I thought, dude, this information would make a good infographic."

Hey don't cry. .one half pounds of asparagus, placed on a baking sheet, drizzled with olive oil, and then add a third of a bulb of garlic finely chopped, paprika, salt, pepper, lemon juice, fresh rosemary, toss and broil in the oven OK?

Okay but jokes aside I got a little emotional seeing some of the responses to this silly little post where I made my favorite way to cook asparagus (and green beans!) into a joke. There's no big meaningful philosophical statement for you here there really is just "If you are sad I would cook delicious food for you and I hope it would help". The original joke of absurdism has just turned into a statement where the punchline is that someone loves you deeply and wants you to eat well, and we share that like any joke in the hopes that it makes others happier if only for a few moments. Anyway, all that said and done, I love you, I love you and I hope we both eat well

GUYS

Do you remember this classic Squidward moment:

I didn’t know if it existed and certainly never expected to see it

BUT BEHOLD

HONEST-TO-GOODNESS CANNED BREAD

I have no idea how this ended up in the Ohio food pantry I was volunteering at but they said I could have it

Should I report back with updates as I embark on this new adventure

OKAY GANG, I had a busy day yesterday and so the Canned Bread Adventure had to wait. But now we begin the journey! Hopefully the price will not be too great. (Mentally, of course, as the can was free.)

Now, this is marked as ready-to-serve, but there ARE instructions for heating up and even baking it. But of course we need to try multiple options to get more of the experience. Interestingly, the instructions SPECIFICALLY say to open BOTH ends of the can. You are also advised to use a spoon if the bread proves recalcitrant.

As the can opens, I begin to see why; it is clearly In There.

So regarding my first reactions, there is an… interesting aroma. Very rich, hauntingly familiar yet somehow foreign. Where HAVE I smelled that before…?

Oh well lets get it out!

The bread was indeed happy in its can and Not Having Any Of That with just the spoon, so I was forced to take extreme measures and run a knife along the inside. BEHOLD THE TOWER OF CANNED BREAD! On a positive note, the can lines make excellent cutting guides.

Time to taste! I admit to some hesitance. WHAT IS that smell?? It’s so FAMILIAR and yet makes me wary! I am getting flashes of old homestyle cooking and pioneer theme parks.

Oh right. Maybe I should check the ingredients list.

So it turns out this canned marvel consists of, among other things, mostly molasses and rye wheat. And baking soda! That’s right, friends, we are looking at a log of pure heftiness in terms of flavor profile. It is sweet and moist and yet somehow also savory and utterly drying. I immediately require cherry 7UP. My friends, I can confirm that if you like molasses, THERE IS DEFINITELY MOLASSES. The texture is very soft and, again, moist; if I had been presented a slice of this at a church benefit dinner, I would have called it some type of cake (then possibly politely nudged it to the side of my plate).

Now, research (aka my aunt googling it at the food pantry) suggests this is indeed one of those polarizing foods—if I remember correctly, one source predicted that you will either love it of have an instant hatred, and that it has been known to cause sharp family disagreements. I believe this to be accurate, as while I would not say I HATE it, I’m reluctant to eat the whole slice and can confidently place it on Weird Things To Try Only Once.

But that doesn’t matter, because this is FOR SCIENCE, and there are INSTRUCTIONS WE MUST FOLLOW

I’m unsure how splitting of the loaf (for lack of a better descriptor) would affect cooking times, and I do not have a toaster oven besides. So we will be popping this whole baby (minus one slice) in the oven and then trying it out with and without some cream cheese.

Mmm canned bread burrito.

I will be DELIGHTED if this crisps it up like a more traditional bready crust, but I am reserved in my hopes. Regardless, I shall report back later!

Quick Extra Note: That molasses smell PERMEATES. I am at least 15 feet away from the table where I opened the can, and it lingers around me like the faint savory-sweet ghost of an Appalachian kitchen from the 1800s.

WOW, I think like FIFTEEN new people followed me today (who either aren’t bots or are very well-disguised bots!) and I can only conclude this surge was from a burning curiosity to know the final results of the Canned Bread Journey. Well, wait no longer, friends, for here we go!

First, I have to say that the smell of bread baking apparently does ALWAYS smell good, regardless of the type of bread. My kitchen smelled lovely.

The molasses scent reasserted itself the instant I opened the tinfoil, but oh well. I grabbed my cream cheese and my apricot jelly and headed to my desk for the unveiling.

So first thing I noticed (besides the odor de molasses) is that it looks EXACTLY the same! Probably because of the tinfoil, or maybe this kind of bread just can’t form a crust, idk I am not a baker.

I then cut a plain slice, because again, for SCIENCE, we must try multiple avenues here. 

Verdict: It tasted… pretty much the same as before going in the oven? Very sweet/savory and moist and with that bitter rye flavor that some people like (I do not). But it was warmer, and that definitely had a positive effect. Most things that taste a little funny generally taste better at something other than room temperature, though. ESPECIALLY if it comes from a can. I ate one bite and did not feel compelled to experiment further down that road, so I just added the cream cheese spread (plain) to the piece and took my next bite.

Verdict: Okay! Now we’re getting somewhere! This is a nice balance - the sweet creaminess pairs well with the savory tones of the bread! I could finish a slice of this!

Now let’s add some jelly (apricot) on this bad boy:

Verdict: Nice! Nice! Refreshing balance! Ate two slices before rye aftertaste became too powerful. This is a very filling little bread, though, so I was satisfied. Overall River (that’s me) Rating: 5/10. To be fair to the bread, I am not a fan of rye OR molasses (or other bitter flavors, like coffee or dark chocolate). But to be fair to ME, my and my aunt’s google searches suggest that this food often forms Strong Opinions in both directions, but especially if you are from Massachusetts (possibly Boston specifically), which as far as I can tell is the only place in the whole U.S. that knows about and sells this stuff. They also eat it with beans and hotdogs—it actually says so under the heating instructions (which I missed, but I just ate spaghetti and do not want to open a whole can of beans, so some other brave non-MA soul can try that if they so desire.)

In conclusion: If you like strong, savory/sweet flavors like rye and/or molasses, you may enjoy this! I didn’t think it tasted particularly “canned” (although there were some flecks that MAY have been pieces of the can caught by my knife removal technique). It has a cakey texture that I did not find unpleasant. But if you dislike such flavors wholesale, or just feel an uncontrollable aversion to anything that bears the same shape as cranberry sauce freshly removed from the can, you may want to abstain.

[For Comparison:]

This was fun to try, though! Thank you for coming on this journey with me, and remember, don’t be afraid to try new things sometimes! =D As for the rest of the loaf, I have foiled it up again and plan to give it to my oldest brother, who historically likes rye AND molasses (and every single other food in the world EXCEPT, for some reason, marshmallows).

Bonus: Stormy finds the canned bread uninteresting. But she is a cat, so her opinion should always be taken with a grain of salt.

~River

Thank you for this flattering assessment of my post, I am honored, although we’re only at like 300+ notes, so it may be a bit premature. Not that I won’t be delighted if you have received the dodgeball of prophecy, mind you !

Today I found out one of my desk neighbors is Jewish, but hasn't been observant since his bubbe died.

He mentioned that he hasn't had matzo ball soup in years.

So I only have one choice.

There only was one choice.

And now to let it simmer for three thousand years

This is why you simmer for millennia. That golden color. The depth of flavor and rich mouth feel.

I have two Extremely Jewish posts doing the rounds right now: this one, and my chanukah season desk decorations. They jointly give a pretty accurate picture of who I am as a person.

I will spend time and money to decorate my desk out of distilled spite.

I will spend time and money to prepare food, especially for semi-orphaned fellow Jews.

But these are both Jewish values.

What? My soup post would make Twitter discourse??

there was someone on twitter who made chili for their college aged neighbors who had a ton of pizza boxes outside so that they could have an actual meal and there were, like, insane 30-tweet threads about boundaries and consent and food allergies and people getting mad about things just for the sake of getting mad about things.

I just felt the concentrated disdain of 1000 generations of my family, every one of them distilling love and care into nourishment for their families and communities, wash over me like a tidal wave. I swear a blood feud on those Twitter twerps. I will drown them in chicken broth.

people have the audacity to equate vanilla with “plain”. the fruit of a delicate orchid pollinated by hand. worth its weight in solid gold and beyond. the fussy black-and-cream jewel of the american continent. you sick son of a bitch. imagine a world without vanilla. no blondies. no pound cakes. no crème brûlée, no coke floats. no cream soda. no satiny new york-style cheesecakes. no warm apple pie à la mode. no velvety complexity to bring out complex notes in chocolate desserts. no depth of flavour in your cakes and cookies and milkshakes. all in just a few precious seeds or grams of paste or perfumed teaspoons of liquid black platinum. what you don’t understand could fill the library of alexandria seven times over and then some. you ungrateful bastard i’m going to kill you

GUESS WHAT TIME OF YEAR IT IS

TIME FOR THIS POST TO TORMENT ME AGAIN

When I made this post I foolishly failed to include timestamps on it, BUT this year I will not be so remiss:

BELOW IS A CHART SHOWING HOW LONG IT TAKES TO THAW A FULLY FROZEN TURKEY, BY POUND

So IF you have a FULL 24lb TURKEY and plan to refrigerator thaw it, the time to start is: No Sooner Than Friday, November 18th.

IF you have a SMALL turkey, the time to start is: No Sooner Than Monday, November 21st.

𝐼𝐹 𝒴𝒪𝒰 𝐻𝒜𝒱𝐸 𝒲𝒜𝐼𝒯𝐸𝒟 𝒰𝒩𝒯𝐼𝐿 𝒯𝐻𝐸 𝒟𝒜𝒴 𝐵𝐸𝐹𝒪𝑅𝐸 𝒯𝐻𝒜𝒩𝒦𝒮𝒢𝐼𝒱𝐼𝒩𝒢 𝒯𝒪 𝒮𝒯𝒜𝑅𝒯 𝒯𝐻𝒜𝒲𝐼𝒩𝒢 𝒴𝒪𝒰𝑅 𝒯𝒲𝐸𝒩𝒯𝒴-𝒫𝒪𝒰𝒩𝒟 𝒯𝒰𝑅𝒦𝐸𝒴

Yo, this might be a joke but speaking to you as a social worker who has worked in housing and homelessness services and food banks?

ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR RENT.

Food pantries are a punch in the nuts to your pride but they require WAY less hoops to jump through to get than the financial side of housing assistance. Also, there is often going to be MORE RESOURCES AVAILABLE for you when it comes to food assistance of MULTIPLE TYPES (food stamps/ebt, places that double said EBT, food pantries, places that just give away free food like soup kitchens, places that give away their leftovers from the day before etc) rather than housing assistance which are neither numerous nor are people likely to apply for.

I personally have used food pantries. I may have to use them again. They are there to help you for that reason, okay? Please fucking choose to pay your rent until we can abolish landlords and live on mutual aid.

Stay housed. Do you hear me, if this choice happens, seek mutual aid or charity for food and STAY HOUSED. Statistically, it is better to take the hit to your pride, go ask for food assistance, and sleep in your bed and eat that food in your home because coming back from losing said home is going to be so much harder that recovering from food insecurity is.

ITS FUCKED UP THAT WE HAVE TO CHOOSE BUT PLEASE TRUST ME ON THIS ONE OK? JUST TRUST ME.

(Also your friends are more likely to be able to help you with food than they are with rent. Just truth.)

My perfect mashed potatoes

The secret is in the water; literally, it’s IN the water.

See, when you boil potatoes, a lot of special starches and sugars and stuff leeches out into the water. When you drain the water before mashing them, you throw away a lot of good stuff, which is a big part of what makes mashed potatoes “dry” and bland, even when you add large amounts of cream and butter and things.

So don’t throw out any water.

Here’s how you do that:

First, cut your potatoes into smaller cubes than you probably do. (I’ve left the skins on for flavor and also, that’s where a lot of a potato’s nutrients are, like protien and iron and vitamins B and C, just to name a few)

The reason for cutting them smaller (besides avoiding giant peices of skin) is so that there is less space in the pot between each peice for water to fill, so you use less water to cook them. That’s important because you won’t be draining any water, so you can’t afford to have too much water! For the same reason, just barely cover them with water when they go on the stove.

But! Before you do that, put the pot on the stove with some butter, garlic, and seasonings; let the butter start to sizxle just a little then put most of a single layer of potatoes in the pan and let the brown and sear. Turn them, brown them on all sides, get ‘em fairly dark (I forgot to get a pic here because I was worried I’d burn the butter).

Ready? now throw the rest of the potatoes in right on top, and add your water, give them a stir. This way, you’re boiling in some of that lovely fried potato/french fry flavor.

Okay, so, as they cook, you may need to add a little water, not too much! ideally the very highest piece of potato will be poking just above the surface. Now, when your potatoes are really really soft, mash them directly into the water. Just pull them off the stove, leave all the water in, and start mashing. Trust me. At first you’ll think there’s too much water. If you get them mashed and they ARE a little too liquidy, just put ‘em back on the stove. You’ll have to stir often or constantly, but they will steam off additional water without losing any good stuff.

Now add some salt, and taste. Right?! And you haven’t even put in any cream or cheese or anything yet.

Speaking of which, you can use like, a third of the amount of butter or cream or anything, and they will still taste better than usual. So they taste better AND they are higher in nutrients AND lower in fats and salts! That’s a lot of win — enjoy your potatoes!

Fuck Columbus! Indigenous Rights! And happy Thanksgiving!

lol this got on the tumblr radar again, got like another thousand notes in the last little while... all the stuff I write and make, all the time I invested getting out of my 20+ year restaurant career, and this is what tumblr likes from me lmao

Must try this...

How people can mistakenly think or just subconsciously feel food works: there are “unhealthy” foods like pizza or fried chicken and “healthy” foods like fruit salad or steamed vegetables. Every time you eat an “unhealthy” food you’ve harmed yourself in some way.

How food actually works: foods contain carbs, proteins, fats, sugars, vitamins, minerals, fiber and/or other nutrients. Your body needs and uses all of them but it would like to have a little of everything every day. If you ate pizza or fried chicken for lunch then that’s probably your fat and protein for the day with extra that your body will make use of in time, so it’s a good idea to make your next meal something different like that fruit salad or steamed veggies. You can have that fatty lunch every single day if you just maintain balance and stay active enough to actually use what you’re stocking up on because foods aren’t “good or bad;” they just either fit into the rest of your diet and lifestyle or they don’t.

Thanks, OP. 

There’s a hidden level of brilliance in this moment:

Chef Boyardee is known today for his cheap out-of-the-can pasta, but in his native Italy he was a renowned expert chef. He was reduced to the face of microwaveable eateries after his death.

Sound like anyone else from this movie?

Chef Ettore Boiardi, known today as Chef Hector Boyardee, was a key player in keeping poverty struck families fed for a low price, before he ever came out with the canned pasta line. He would jar his sauce in milk bottles and provide bags of dry noodles for families in Cleveland, Ohio’s Little Italy sector. It was during the Depression, and pasta could be made in large portions at a low cost. This was the start of his venture. 

After years of success, he eventually opened his canning facility, opened his restaurant “Il Giardino d’Italia” in New York, and helped feed the Allies during the war. Everyone always glazes over this part of his life, especially the Cleveland part. He lived here. He DIED here. He’s BURIED HERE. My mother took care of him at the nursing home she worked for in her early 20′s when he was ailing and spoke of nothing but the kindness he and his family radiated when they were there. Chef Boiardi was an immigrant with a dream and was always there to help those in need, because he knew what it was like to be in that position. Never let that go.   

I had thought he was a fictionalized mascot, like Aunt Jemima or Betty Crocker, but this is really interesting.

“Proud of his Italian heritage, Boiardi sold his products under the brand name Chef Boy-Ar-Dee so that his American customers could pronounce his name properly.“

And if you have a name that isn’t “standard” in America, that is a Mood.