Beautiful and detailed art

sometimes i forget how many times i’ve picked myself off the floor, how many times i’ve washed away smudgy makeup and put myself to bed. how many times i’ve said no to something unhealthy. said yes to something good. how many times i’ve treated myself with kindness and patience. i forget how many times i’ve tended to wounds and made peace with my own anger. if i was taking care of a body that was not my own, i’d believe i was doing everything i could. so here’s to remembering that i’m doing the best i can.

Cleaning with ADHD all about momentum. Its like being a shark, if you stop moving you just straight up die.

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An interesting perspective to consider

Homeschool to prison pipeline

Hey guess what?

We have a homeschool-to-prison pipeline now.

https://www.propublica.org/article/a-teenager-didnt-do-her-online-schoolwork-so-a-judge-sent-her-to-juvenile-detention

Grace is a 15-year-old with ADHD and a long history of behavioral difficulties who ended up on probation after a fight with her mom led to the confiscation of her phone and her briefly stealing a classmate’s phone.

Grace is now in a juvenile facility where her life is at risk from covid because one of her probation conditions was to do her homework, and when her school in Oakland County Michigan went online only, she struggled to complete her distance education homework.

As a result, Judge Mary Ellen Brennan ignored the Michigan governor’s orders to minimize the incarceration of children and ordered Grace imprisoned…for not doing her homework.

The Propublica story on Grace and her single mother Charisse - written by Jodi S Cohen - is a heartbreaker and a half. It paints a picture of a kid whose need for extra educational attention was met by a stern and uncaring system, from caseworker to judge.

Judge Brennan does not come off well in this story. She ordered Grace to appear in person in court - the only case of the day with that requirement - and then refused a continuance when Grace’s lawyer said he would NOT come to court and risk his life to argue her case.

Brennan’s sentence was handed down after Grace’s caseworker Michelle Giroux admitted that she did not know the details of Grace’s learning disabilities and had not familiarized herself with the legally mandated supports for them that Grace had not recieved.

Brennan called Grace a “threat to the community” for missing her homework, denied Grace’s pleas for more time to adjust to homeschooling, and had her taken out of the courtroom in handcuffs.

It goes without saying that, like the majority of Michigan teens sentenced to youth detention in defiance of the governor’s orders, Grace is Black. Black children in Michigan are four times likelier to be imprisoned than their white peers.

Grace has not been permitted to see her mother, except by videoconference. Her mother’s attempts to bring her clothes and toys have been rebuffed by the facility, because of petty rules like those stipulating that underwear must be briefs, or that jeans can’t be “too tight.”

When Grace is brought out for videoconference status meetings with the court, the child is handcuffed and put in ankle shackles. She makes heartbreaking pleas to be returned to her mother. The judge has ordered her held until at least Sept 8.

For missing her homework.

Action: call Judge Mary Ellen Brennan at  248-701-3183 or 248-858-0355 and ask her to reverse her sentence and send Grace back home

This is life in AmeriKKKa

don’t know what parent of an autistic child needs to hear this but as long as they’re not harming anyone your kid’s stimming is not a “problem behaviour”

in our house we have a few categories of stimming behavior.

1. the no category. this is for things that are unsafe. hurting self (head banging, scratching), hurting others, chewing on choking hazards. i know this is excluded in OP’s post, but i’m putting it on my list because if you parent an autistic child and deal with this, you have to be aware that a key to off-limits stimming is redirection. stimming satisfies an important physical and neurological need for the autistic brain, and that behavior is sensory-seeking. if you must say no, please also offer options or help redirecting to appropriate outlets for pressure, motion, rhythm, chewing, etc.

2. the shared space category. listen, i get that a lot of people are assholes about things that aren’t hurting them. that’s not what this category is for. but we have a household with multiple autistic individuals and a work from home situation. “shared space” is the code phrase we use for “please take this stimming to a different location.” sometimes, aural stims like repetitive noises or physical stims like pacing can be legitimately distracting to other people in a room (or car!). in the case of other autistic people, it might even feel painful or mentally consuming. this category is no-judgment “please move to another location to continue stimming this way.” it’s not bad, it’s not wrong, you aren’t being shamed– just do your best to respect others and their needs or comfort, and leave the communal area or lower your volume.

3. the you do you category. it doesn’t matter that nobody else is doing this to feel comfortable or happy– you aren’t hurting anyone else, you aren’t being disruptive in a space other people are using together. go for it.

and in every single category, anger has no place in redirecting a stim. not even the no category. stimming isn’t malicious, there’s no actual moral requirement to be “less weird” or “like everyone else.” even reminders like “you aren’t the only person in this room and that’s very loud” don’t need anger. stims aren’t done at anyone. they’re just the body expressing a kind of neurological hunger, and whether the answer is “enjoy that!” or “this isn’t safe for you to eat (ie, do)” fury doesn’t help.

oh shit this is a REALLY helpful way to conceptualize stimming and competing needs.

If someone isn't available during your most crucial time, then their presence any other time is useless.

This isn’t realistic for adults. I’m sorry it’s just not.

Don’t fall into believing that, “if they’re a true friend they’ll drop everything and run to be by your side!” crap.

As a responsible adult there will be times that your friends are hurting and you won’t be able to go to them.

There are times that you will have to go to work, or take your sick kid to the doctor, or do many other things that will prevent you from being there for your friend.

When your friend calls you and they’re falling apart and it’s ten minutes until you have to leave for work, you’re not a bad friend for saying, “Look, I love you. I’m sorry this is happening, but I have to go. I’ll call you back tonight when the kids are asleep.” Or “I’m so sorry this is happening. I love you and I want to be here for you but I’ve got to get to work. I’ll call and check on you during my lunch.”

Adult life is hectic and busy with important things all the time and unfortunately it’s also full of shitty things happening to people we love.

Do your best to be there for the people you love and ask for support when you need it but be understanding when being a responsible adult comes before helping you.

The idea that people need to be there any time you need them is really damaging and unhealthy, too. You can’t place value on a person or a relationship based solely on whether or not they’re available, no questions asked, whenever you need them.

In addition to the above: sometimes, someone simply does not have the energy to help. Maybe they’re coming out of a rough patch themself, maybe they have been busy all day,maybe a chronic illness is flaring up. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not be able to be there.

Obviously, if someone is taking you for granted, and never seems to care how you’re doing, that’s an issue. But to write someone off because their life and your life didn’t line up quite right at a given point in time, or maybe even on more than one occasion, is not a healthy way to handle things.

Succulent Pride by Thready To Go

LGBTQ+ Activist Stickers from RadBadgesUK

x / x

btw I just wanna reccomend for ppl w sensory issues: get spf lipbalm for ur top surgery scars & nips. it sounds weird but if ur like me and u hate the feel of suncream ur so much more likely to put it regularly on if it stays off your fingers

The “attention deficit” part of adhd is misleading imo because in my experience adhd is less “doesn’t have focus” and more “cannot control where the focus goes”

Forgot what you were doing because your brain zoomed way ahead and you were left scrambling to remember why you’re holding a dishtowel? Adhd

Looked up from your computer screen and realized you’ve been reading wikipedia articles about the mating habits of spiders for the past five hours and you haven’t eaten all day? Adhd

Can’t do the mildly intimidating task because every time you try to think about how to do it, your brain skitters away from the topic like a nervous mouse? Adhd

Didn’t do the dishes because you remembered them on the drive home but by the time you arrived you had already moved on to other topics? Adhd

Need to listen to a podcast while doing chores because neither task occupies enough of your attention to keep you engaged? Adhd

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!!!!!!!!^^^^^^^^^ (im posting all of your message rn because Big Important and @ everyone listen to Percy plz,, but if you need any of it censored!! please lemme know!!!!) YEAH!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!! :’( words and phrases like that can be really really scary as hell, and a lot of us have very real past experiences of being bullied and abused and stuff, with those words used against us to harm and demean us!!!!! and the words can have much more meanings and emotions and different definitions and messages for us than compared to someone who didn’t experience that kind of abuse and who didn’t experience growing up brainweird, because the words and phrases aren’t REALLY “just some words” and phrases from the dictionary, they can and DO hold a lot of memories and emotions and implications for each individual person!!!!! I don’t know what the anons intent and I don’t WANT to know it (it was probably evil intent anyway), but when I saw that ask earlier this morning the first things it reminded me of was past incidents I’ve experienced of malice and violence where the term “annoying” was repeated often, and incidents of witnessing other nd/mentally ill people being bullied and excluded and tormented. These are very upsetting and scary memories for me!!! So those memories on top of memories and messages and feelings of rejection and isolation, was the message that anon’s ask was sending to me,, and I’m not exactly sure why anyone would want to send out such upsetting messages unless they had ill and evil and malicious intentions against me, and my followers, and all mentally ill and neurodivergent people!!!! Is what I’ve been thinking and what it feels like!!!!!! And especially compared to how kind and sweet and friendly the messages I get on here usually are, anonymous or not, it was very confusing and out of place and frightening for me tbh, and I couldn’t imagine any of the people I interact with on here even thinking of sending me any kind of message like that, not a single part or aspect of it!!!! It worried me on many many levels :’(

Yes @ all of this. To some, the term may seem like a simple one to not get "worked up about" but to us, it is one of the worst words we hear about ourselves. Mostly because in formative years, it's not being used as friendly banter. It's almost always accompanied by punishment, scolding, outcasting, physical abuse (whether it be from adults or peers), and almost always used with a vicious sneer intended to cause the most pain and damage possible. As a gay trans adhd person, the term "an**ying" is more triggering to my mental health than "f**got" or "tr**ny" or even "r***rd". It causes my brain to have a fight or flight response of, "this is the word that causes immense pain and discomfort and is followed by abandonment and ridicule. "If this person is using it, then I have failed and this person actually hates me a lot and is only around me for pitty. Are they going to leave me? Are they going to hurt me? Are they going to tell everyone in my life how annoying I am and to stay away??" I don't know because my brain has connected that word to So Many Bad Situations and Outcomes. Going back to the beginning of my reply, people like us are constantly in fear of "being too much"/"overreacting"/"being weird/annoying/crazy" because these are the phrases that were used against us to force us into submission because we were not "normal" they were used to force us to hide our expressions and if we didn't then we were punished socially or literally. To us, those words and phrases hurt like actual physical harm, they make us feel like we're worthless and subhuman, they tell us that we have failed at being a person, but the worst part I think is that they make us believe that impending doom and destruction are going to occur, just like every time before. They make us feel unsafe in relationships. They do everything a "normal" trigger does. But we're just considered "too sensitive". These words were used to abuse us and to conform to dominant society just like how some people use their hands, and oftentimes these two things were combined, which is why they cause such distress because being annoying=bad/deserving to be punished/stupid/unlovable/etc.

I wanted to take a minute during this PRIDE Month to talk about my nephew.

My nephew is 5 years old and I’ve been a part of his life since he was born. I was a teenager when he was born and still closeted on my gender identity. Present as female, my nephew of course grew up calling me “Auntie” and knew me as a woman.  When I actually came out, I had moved out on my own and hadn’t gotten to see my nephew in a while. Over that time, I had started my hormone therapy, legally changed my name, and had my legal gender updated.

My parents and older brother were in such a panic because “how does one explain this to a child” and they all were lowkey panicking over it because I’d be seeing him soon.

Well, before visiting my mom and nephew did a video call with me and my mom told my nephew it was “auntie”, hoping he’d just roll with it.

Well, not only did my nephew roll with it, the minute he saw my rather full beard and heard my deeper voice it must have just clicked I was male. No explanation was needed. 

My mother told me after that he said “GG, you’re so funny. You thought Auntie was a girl, but he’s a boy.” It’s one of my favorite stories, honestly.

When I finally saw him in person, gender was never the focus of the discussion. We played with dragons and stick swords like we usually do and he told me about Lord of the Rings which Daddy had been reading to him. The only mention was him randomly saying to me “Auntie, you used to look like a girl. But, it’s okay because when I was a baby I looked like a girl too.”

I guess why I wanted to share this was trans identities are not complicated. We complicate gender the older we get and society puts a massively unneeded pressure on us for something really so small.

While adults would ask me 20 questions about my identity, my nephew at the age of 5 accepted on the spot I was male and apparently even believed I always had been with absolutely no explanation. And, even then, all he cared about was if I’d play dragons with him.

Frankly, in a world where gender is so horribly overly complicated and being trans is a shocking thing, I wish more people would simply be concerned if I would still play dragons with them.

(Also, yes he still calls me Auntie but its because I find it hilarious and it’s not dysphoric for me)

Disclosure: Trans Lives On Screen (Sam Feder, 2020)

whoa this guy knows how to party

i wish there wasn’t such a stigma around being proved wrong, bc it’s a part of life, no one can be right all the time. if we didn’t feel as much shame about it i think a lot of things would change a lot faster

we all need to practice saying “I hadn’t thought of it like that” “I hadn’t seen it that way before” “I must have misunderstood the first time I heard about it” “if I had known those facts I wouldn’t have thought like I did”

Can I just say I really love @feminismandhappiness‘s addition, because for those of us who grew up being valued for our intelligence, it’s really okay if admitting you were wrong is difficult, and learning to approach it in a different way can be really helpful! Here are some other ways that might be easier to digest, for those of us who have trouble with the whole “I was wrong” thing. 

“Thank you for giving me more context!” 

“That makes a lot more sense now.” 

“I really appreciate the additional information on this subject.” 

“Your perspective is really helping me understand this better.” 

“I’m going to do some more research now that I realize how complex this issue really is.” 

“I didn’t realize how much information was left out when I was taught about this the first time.” 

“I see that my opinion was being deliberately guided in one specific direction. Thank you for helping me realize that.” 

“This was way over-simplified when I first encountered it. I’m glad I’m starting to see the whole picture.” 

“Now I get it!” 

“You’ve given me a lot to think about, thank you!” 

“I can see this is something I’ll need to look into a bit more before I jump to conclusions.” 

“I am happy to have more data. Now I can draw a more accurate conclusion.” 

“This is really helping me re-contextualize this issue.” 

“This is much more nuanced than I realized before. I can see how the information I had access to previously has been oversimplified.”

“This really is more complicated than I originally thought. I’m glad I can take this new information into account.”

Being wrong isn’t a personal failing, but it can be difficult to realize that if you grew up being praised for being smart. Learning to accept changes of opinion as simply “new conclusions based on more thorough research” can be a really useful step in internalizing that idea.