no but what if 2009 dean had stayed in the 2014 au longer? what if zachariah had sent him there before, before the night 2014 dean sent them all to their death. what if he'd spent time, weeks, months, with his older self, with cas? he would have noticed, that they weren't friends. that they were old lovers, so old they were doing it out of habit rather than real feeling anymore. and what about cas? there he would be, suddenly faced with this hopeful, more caring version of the man he loves. a dean who still wants peace, who still wants to fix things. already a cynic, but still so full of love. something that his dean hasn't let show in a long time. and cas can't stop looking at him, and 2014 dean notices but he's too shut off to admit that he hates it. that he hates himself for not being that version of himself anymore. that he hates his younger self for being something that his cas can look at with fondness in his eyes. all he gets is sadness. and 2009 dean notices too, and it unsettles him but he is curious about it. he wonders if cas regrets this version of him. he wonders how it happened, at which point he and cas got together. he wonders if it was ever tender, or if it's always been this broken relationship, born from the war. and they talk, cas and 2009 dean talk a lot. not at first, but little by little they develop a habit of staying up late at night and just talking. cas asks dean to remind him what life used to be like. dean asks cas what he likes about his dean. and cas tells him, but sometimes it's like he can barely remember. he loves him because it's interwoven with the fabric of who he is. but if he's being honest he isn't sure he likes him. but he likes past dean. he's funny, and not only in a dry, dark way. he genuinely makes him laugh, and he laughs, too, and his eyes crinkle, and he smiles those big smiles that bare his teeth, and he worries, and he cries when they lose a friend to the croatoans, and he cares, he cares so much. and cas falls in love all over again. he cleans up his act, too. he sobers up and he tries to be the version of himself that past dean wants to see. and dean thinks he gets it. he already knows he's going to end up with cas so there's no use denying what he's currently feeling. and he does feel it, the comfort of falling in love with your best friend. and he holds cas's hand, and that's comfortable. he kisses him, and it feels like falling off a skyscraper at first but then that becomes comfortable too. they spend a night together, and dean thinks he has never felt more loved in his entire life. and it's a rush, and it's comfortable, and it's not right. because this cas isn't his best friend, and they don't belong to each other. not really. and there is the very distinct possibility that 2014 dean might kill him if he keeps it up. so he doesn't. but he thinks about his cas, and how right it would feel with him. he thinks about all the things he loves about his cas, his best friend, the angel for whom time works differently than for him and yet who is so different from this cas right here. because no matter how old you are, things and people still change you. and he doesn't ever want to be the reason that his cas changes into the man standing in front of him. he won't let himself be the reason castiel, his castiel, is ever this sad. this lonely. he knows now, that whether it happens now or a year from now, or ten, he and cas will end up together. he just needs to make sure that when they do, cas still feels like his best friend, and that he is still cas's. that cas wouldn't rather be with a younger dean. so when he gets back to his time, he begs him. don't ever change. but really he's making himself a promise. don't ever change him.
