this guy isnt even drift compatible

johnny knoxville eating shit compilation

I think that the Hamilton musical is objectively the funniest thing that could happen to that man's memory. Imagine dying of a gunshot wound infection in 1804 and learning from the afterlife that tweenage girls in 2017 are drawing thousands upon thousands of images of you making out with your fellow congressmen because someone wrote a 2-hour rap opera about you. I like to imagine that Hamilton found a monkey's paw and wished to leave a legacy, and this is what it did to him.

you don't control who lives who dies who tells your story

i actually do kinda like delivering groceries on the side because it gives me such a unique cross-section of the community. i never know whose groceries im shopping for until i finish the delivery and see them/their home and it's like it adds more detail to the picture of who they are. the baby supplies going to the apartment that i know for a fact is one bedroom (they'll be moving soon - i bet they're apartment hunting, i hope they find a place). the new cat litter box, bowl, and kitten food going to the house covered in "i <3 my dog" paraphernalia (a kitten definitely showed up on the porch recently and made itself at home). the fairly healthy boring grocery order that includes an incongruous tub of candy-filled ice cream going to the home of an elderly woman with toddler toys in the yard (it's clearly for her grandkids, whom she sees often).

shopping for someone else's groceries is a fairly intimate thing. i've bought condoms and pregnancy tests, allergy medicine and nyquil, baby benadryl and teething gel, a huge pile of veggies paired with an equally huge pile of junk food, tampons and shampoo and closet organizers and ant traps and deodorizing shoe inserts and a million other little things that tell a million different stories in their endless combinations. one time someone had me buy one single green bean. i messaged them to confirm that's actually what they wanted, and they said yes - neither of them liked green beans very much, but they had a baby they were introducing to solid foods, and they wanted to let him try one to see if he liked them. another time i had someone request 50 fresh roma tomatoes - not for a restaurant, but for a person in an apartment. the kitchen behind them smelled like basil and garlic when they opened the door. another time i brought groceries to three elderly blind women who share a house. that was one of the few times i have ever broken my rule and gone inside a place i've delivered to, because they asked if i could place the grocery bags in a specific location in the kitchen for them to work on unloading and there was no way i was going to refuse helping.

i gripe about the poor tippers, but people can also be incredibly kind. one time i took shelter from a sudden vicious hailstorm inside an older lady's home in a trailer park, while i was in the middle of delivering her groceries. we both huddled just inside the door, watching in shock as golf-ball-sized hail swept through for about five minutes and then disappeared. she handed me an extra $10 bill on my way out the door.

when covid was at its deadliest, people would leave extra (often lysol-scented) cash tips and thank-you notes for me taped to the door or partially under the mat. i especially loved the clearly kid-drawn thank you notes with marker renderings of blobby people in masks, or trees, or rainbows. in summer of 2020 i delivered to a nice older couple who lived outside of town in the hills, and they insisted i take a huge double handful of extra disposable gloves and masks to wear while shopping - those were hard to find in stores at the time, but they wanted me to have some of their supply and wouldn't take no for an answer.

anyway. all this to say people are mostly good, or at least trying to be, despite my complaints.

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

as well u can just add ‘ed’ to any object and it’s sounds like you were really drunk

example: i was absolutely coat hangered last night

#i was gazeboed mate #i was absolutely baubled

Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).

Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.

… huh.  I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.

I have to tell you, I am utterly sandwiched at this discovery.

Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.

“God, it’s been a long week, I am completely coat-hangered.”

Something is

Something is wrong with our language

Is it a glitch or a feature?

Feature

we don’t have anything like this in French and it offers a range of expressibility that I wish we could properly translate back. it is a feature, i concur

World Heritage Post

wonder what did this to English

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I hate that I’m always trying to find cool biology themed stuff to wear but all the “nature inspired” clothing companies just have like two crossed arrows or a minimalistic mountain on a sweatshirt. Fucking lame, that’s barely even nature-adjacent. Put the life cycle of a salamander on a jacket, put hyena skeleton patterns on leggings, put a damn field guide of birds of prey on a peacoat and THEN you can have my money. Do NOT give me a shirt with a leaf on it that says “stay wild” or some bullshit I would much prefer clothing that broadcasts to everyone around me how many teeth an adult Jaguar has or how some pitcher plants can catch and digest rats.

recommendations from the notes :)

@sercezgazety

take your pick

TBH that might even thiner they avrage

Wtf do you mean plus sized????? Thats a skinny woman?!!! Are these people blind??!!??!!

I mean it when I say the body positive movement completely turned to dust and had its effects reversed like 5 years ago

build a bear? yeah i give my boyfriend his t shots i know how to build a bear

Spencers is the funniest store ever they really put 25% of an off brand hot topic in the front of a sex toy dungeon and then called it a day

i wish you could download mods for movies. i want to watch the thing (1982) but with kurt russel in a baby slut t shirt and camo capris

[id: unfortunately, its kurt russel in the thing (1982) wearing a baby slut tshirt and camo capris.]

noone in this house appreciates anything i do

the intro where kenshi says to raiden “johnny’s helping me, why can’t you?” is actually so funny because what is johnny cage, star of Ninja Mime, doing about the yakuza

literal crime that johnny cage doesnt have a tyler durden costume… i had to take matters into my own hands

*dropps this and runs away* 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

‘‘jesus is my homeboy’’ photographed by david lachapelle for i-D magazine, september 2003

Legendary Neon Genesis Evangelion creator Hideaki Anno was only in his mid to late 20s and Kōji Akimoto being only 14 when he helped designed and animated Metal Skin Panic a mecha cyberpunk anime film.

More of THEM 🗣️‼️‼️

I love her <3333

I hate when people describe not IMMEDIATELY responding as “ghosting.” Like “they totally ghosted me, and then when they finally texted back three hours later…” stop right there. That is not ghosting. I will teach you the meaning of ghosting

Can you tell me

please

hello?