went to college and came back wrong

Okay, here’s an interesting question. What hobbies do you guys have that wouldn’t be apparent from your online presence? Like something you spend a lot of time doing or thinking about beyond whatever you post on your blog.

Feel free to elaborate if you do take the poll, I am interested

James T. Kirk:

-Graduated in the top 4% of his year -was bullied by jocks -Is a history nerd -was so much of a teacher’s pet that he cheated on an exam and was commended for it -Was referred to as “a stack of books with legs”

Jean-Luc Picard:

-Spent all his free time drinking in pubs and playing billiards -broke more hearts than he can remember -started a bar fight that ended up in him being stabbed in the heart -likes to explore dangerous ruins of ancient civilizations for fun -wouldn’t even have become a starship captain if he wasn’t this much of a hothead

And yet people still manage to get it backwards???

I think it’s a problem of First Officer, really.

Jim Kirk seems like a wild man because he’s standing next to calm, logical Spock.*  

Meanwhile, Picard seems stately and dignified because he’s standing next to Will “Any alien physiology is bangable if you just put some thought into it” Riker*.  

* Of course THEN, we get to the next layer, which is that Spock is the dude who told the Vulcan Science Academy to fuck itself, while Riker plays the trombone.

The Federation is a confusing place.

dungeons and daddies where the real villain was the lack of communication we made a long the way

the gender performance of dolly parton and bruce springsteen (sources: x x)

Oh I'd love to hear it, that kills me they had to cut it. My early years where spent traveling between both the Ozarks and on the cusp of the Appalachians and the idea there's even a teacher for Appalachian history is amazing to me. I'd love to hear his stories.

It was a great class, and we talked a lot about Dolly in the music unit! Sadly I don’t think he has any copies of his interview questions but I may reach back out to him some day to ask.

And hey I also grew up near the Ozarks, awesome!

reblog for sample size etc.

the gender performance of dolly parton and bruce springsteen (sources: x x)

the songbird that ended the world

Here’s a frame from the animatic I had to cut up into two parts (otherwise the lineart would’ve been blurry).

You may need to click on it because Tumblr probably also can’t handle how LONG this frame is, but maybe they’ll surprise me this time ‘round.

(This frame is gargantuan because I utilize a lot of panning upward at a certain point? Anyway it backfired so here’s the full.)

I'm genuinely curious! I personally don't because it's fun learning things second hand, and if something annoys me too much I just unfollow them.

reblog with your answers in the tags!! maybe an explanation too if you feel like it

nobody on earth is funnier than the winners of the bulwer-lytton fiction contest

highlights from the 2018 winners include:

“Eli Jacob Crowley, the famed pioneer figure who spearheaded America’s westward expansion by blazing the Crowley Trail in 1838, was an awe-inspiring figure of a man, as stout as a four-century-old oak, as intellectually complex as the fronds of a Florida palm, as singularly focused as the trunk of a Giant Sequoia, though in all other respects, not like a tree at all.” (John Hardi)

“Talila Norpiros, heir to the elven throne and commander of her people’s armed forces, chose a slightly more risqué outfit that morning than she would normally wear to battle, theorizing that if she were presented as a sex symbol as well as a dynamic protagonist, the series might attract a few more male readers and finally make the New York Times bestseller list.” (Bridget Parmenter)

“It wasn’t fair to call Michael a scum-sucking monster from the deep, the miserable, fetid descendant of some unnamed demon who, after centuries at the very depths of the ocean, had somehow surfaced and found his way to Wall Street—it was accurate, of course, but he preferred Michael.” (Allison Bryski)

and my personal favourite: 

“Once upon a time, there was a place where things happened; allow me to be more specific.” (John Wallace)

just fucking remembered contest again so nobody asked but here are some 2019 winner highlights

“It was a dark and stormy night, and since this was Miami in July and everyone had left their convertible tops down, the rain fell in Cadillacs.” (Andrew Lundberg)

“When the tall dark, handsome, buff, and wealthy cowboy moseyed into my “Blazin’ Six-guns” novelty shop, I felt a wave of heat flood through me, as if I had accidentally swallowed my sub-lingual nicotinic acid lozenge, causing the niacin to be released instantaneously, rather than in a more controlled, extended, low-potency dose, for which means the prescription had been written.” (Randall Card)

“Zajaxian Planetary Law required that war, if it must be fought, be fought not with bombs, bullets and blood, as on our own primitive Earth, but with serried banks of immensely powerful mainframe computers, even though they were bulky to carry and unwieldy to throw.“ (Jeremy Das)

“The High Gondonderil gazed on with horror as the Elgaborian legions marched at a single, pitiless pace into the once peaceful streets of Sar-Andrada, the capital city of the kingdom of Xanthil, located in a fantasy universe which might seem extremely confusing at present but which will doubtless make perfect sense to you, dear reader, once you realize that, like most fantasy universes, it’s basically just Tolkien’s Middle-earth with different names for things.” (Harrison Glaze)

would you look at that its time to talk about my favourite bad fiction contest!! here are some 2020 winner highlights

“The first thing I noticed about the detective’s office was how much it reminded me of the baggage claim at a nearby airport: the carpet was half a century out of date, it reeked of cigarettes and cheap booze, and I was moderately certain that my case had been lost.” (Paul Kollas)

“’You may know my true name,’ gloated Archmage-Emperor !Gfńatt’ Bdúnśṽiobfhńr to the foolish traitor who had dared try to end his glorious mage-empire’s reign, ‘but can you pronounce it?’” (Gideon Gordon)

“The sound of his raspy voice and the feel of his chilly hand on her shoulder made her shudder, like the wooden things on the sides of windows, but a verb rather than a noun, and with two d’s rather than two t’s.” (Kagte Minyard)

“Jarrod, lying in the bed next to Selina, on his side with his head in his hand, asked, ‘What would your husband do if he saw me right now?’ and Selina, who was watching her husband sneak up on Jarrod holding a tire iron with two hands raised above his head, replied, ‘Probably sneak up on you with a tire iron raised above his head, preparing to use it for something other than its intended purpose.’” (Randy Blanton)

it’s 2021 winner time and i want to be clear this time that “bad fiction” is not a judgment on my part, it’s the whole goal of the contest. the about page says, “…the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels.” i’m not insulting them. anyway here are my faves <3

“It was a dark and stormy … morning, Gotcha! – this is just the first of innumerable twists and turns that you, dear Reader, will struggle to keep abreast of as I unfold my tale of adventure as second plumber aboard the hapless SS Hotdog during that fateful summer of 1974.” (Louise Taylor)

“Our story begins in the cozy cottage of Bynnoldh-Dyr, son of Asgwitch-Torgwyr, in the idyllic elven village of Myrthffolwrd, but our book actually begins some two hundred pages earlier, in which you are pummeled by irrelevant history and unpronounceable names, because my publisher is paying me by the word.” (Neil B Harrison)

“As the dawn begin to break, Debby and Robert, their arms tightly wrapped around each other, watched in awe as the sky turned a brilliant pinkish red as the sun’s rays inched their way down the slopes of the craggy peaks of the Rocky Mountains, but this was Canada so the rays were centimetering their way down the slopes.” (Daniel Leyde)

“She had a deep, throaty laugh, like the sound a dog makes right before it throws up.” (Janie Doohan)

These are absolutely not, by any means, bad.

One of my personal faves

“Little Timmy suffered from Claustraphobia: the fear of being trapped in a closet with Santa Claus.”

Do consider submitting something; there’s no entry fee, no prize (sans bragging rights) and you can submit as many times as you want. https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/submit

almost all of my posts must be so weird out of context because what do you MEAN JODIE FOSTER IS BABYGIRL????? LAST TIME I CHECKED TAYLOR SWIFTS HEAD WAS STILL ON HER BODY????? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MORGAN FREEMAN AND GLENN CLOSE????

????? march ?????? again ??????

When you're tired of being in the army

reblog if you:

no one will ever know which one