Beauty Is Everywhere

me to me: don’t worry baby

like ive been thinking about this line from that creme brulee brownie recipe for days like literally where is this woman now like how is she doing 

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

its true that crying wont solve things but we dont cry to solve. we cry to release

Taking the lid off a pot that’s boiling too much wont solve the problem of the heat being too high, but it will release the pressure so you’ll have time to get the heat under control before everything inside the pot explodes 

THERE IS NO BETTER FEELING IN THE WORLD THAN FINALLY FINDING YOUR EARBUDS/HEADPHONES/WHATEVER THE HECK YOU USE TO LISTEN TO MUSIC AFTER A LONG TIME WITHOUT THEM AND JUST STARING OUT THE WINDOW AND JUST FEELING YOURSELF SUBCONSCIOUSLY SMILING BECAUSE YOU’RE SO HAPPY. TELL ME IM WRONG, I DARE YOU.

We need February to start going well.

I know this isn’t for everyone and there are different versions of self love and acceptance that benefit different people for different reasons, but speaking of my own experience, becoming self-neutral has been better for me than any steps I took to become self-positive. Accepting that I have inherent, intrinsic value simply by Being, unrelated in any way to my appearance or my mental health, has been everything.

I spent time enjoying the concept of reclaiming ugliness and craziness, which I’ve discussed here. And that was a good first step for me. But even then, ugliness and craziness only means not fitting in to certain societal standards of beauty and mental health. It’s also made up and bears no weight on my value as a person.

So beyond understanding that some people will find me ugly and that’s okay, and beyond accepting that some people will find me crazy and their opinions don’t matter,

I’ve found a lot of peace in knowing that ugliness and craziness, on a true, inherent, universal, spiritual level, don’t exist. They’re concepts. They’re smoke.

I do exist. And because I exist, I have value. My life has meaning simply because I am alive.

I don’t have to love myself. I just had to stop hating myself so I could finally simply exist as myself. And I’m really enjoying who I’ve discovered I am.

Not to bring Mary Oliver into this but “Wild Geese” just really drives this home.

This is it. This is everything. I have a place in the family of things.

life is like... you make connections with people and then say goodbye

i...................... feel incredibly seen

excuse me if this makes very little sense as i have been drinking and it is almost eleven pm on a wednesday but today i walked into my favourite cafe and the frenchman who makes my coffee, didier, told me about how he had just discovered that the woman who had left as I came in happened to live on the same street as his brother, “isn’t the world remarkable?” he said to me. I laughed, “don’t you wonder about how many people you meet on a daily basis that you have something in common with without realising?”

Tonight I had beers with a couple of guys, they were old friends. “How long have you known each other?” I asked. They laughed, “guess!” Turns our they shared a wetnurse, a connection their mothers didn’t discover until they became friends years later.

As I walked to the train I texted my housemate to ask where she was, if she wanted to meet up before we headed home. Suddenly I heard my name called as she ran across the station towards me. “Oh how strange, I just messaged you!”

Sometimes the world feels very large and our differences seem unbridgeable. Other days we run into one another over and over again, and I am glad to recognise friends.

Richard Cartwright aka Richard S. Cartwright (British, b. 1951, Wales, based Bristol, England) - 1: The Garlic Woods, 2008, Pastels on Paper  2: Swimming in the Rain, 2004, Oil on Panel  3: Sheltering from the Storm, 2013, Pastels on Paper  4: The Balloon Seller, 2008, Oil on Panel  5: The Night Wanderers, Pastels on Paper  6: The Tobogganist, 2018, Pastels on Paper

Stay - Mayday Parade

“What was the happiest moment of your life?” “I don’t think I have one yet but it’s probably coming up and it’s going to be a surprise.”

… that is the most beautiful thing I read in my lifetime

We only ever wanted one thing from this 
Oh, in another place in another time what could we have been?

08/31/18 // helios & selene

The phrase “this made me think of you” is my favorite thing someone can ever say to me