ken getting arrested alongside barbie after she punches the guy who smacks her ass presents so many possibilities

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

guess what post just got read aloud in poetry club tonite by an unknowing club member as I watched on in terror

I was teaching kids today and they got fixated on the usual ‘are they dead now?’ question when I was talking about historical figures. So I was just like ‘Yes, they’re dead now, everyone who was alive in the 1800s is dead now.’ and then one kid was like ‘Except for you’.

I’m sorry to hear about your scalp.

Okay I must clear this up more concretely since this has gone far beyond my circle of folks who have the context of Why This Is Actually Funny, because there are thousands of people here who are like ‘kids are so rude, kids are so evil, I hate kids’ when…

1) Kids are little humans and they’re learning and they should be treated as little humans who are learning. Don’t be a dick to kids. Adults who are assholes to kids is such a bad look, and kids remember that shit.

2) This particular child was being SO earnest and ‘except for you’ was said not as an insult but like ‘oh…you’re the last one left 😢’.

I dress like this everyone:

[ID: image of a person wearing a puffy 18th century shirt, waistcoat, and cravat.]

Thank u, goodnight.

please don't reblog this post a devilish temptress tricked me into making it and she placed a hex upon it so that every reblog removes a molecule from my body

I think we can do it.

Posts that have 2x10^25 notes to me.

According to a total from March, Tumblr has 572 million blogs, currently. Most of those are probably dead or bots, but we can reactivate/recruit them for this. If we all post together, hitting post limit (250 posts per day), then we can disintegrate OP in a mere 384 billion years. (20 times longer than the universe has existed.)

I think we can do it.

Just assuming old people will be a small percentage. I will redo if I am wrong.

rip to all the “fuckyeah___” blogs that carried our society at one point </3

He has been put on the z axis

#you cant fool me. obviously this photo is just rotated 90°

yeah this makes more sense

"chatGPT will confidently spit out information cobbled together from various sources in its dataset that sounds correct even when it blatantly isn't"

correct! that's why it's important to remember that chatbots don't have any sort of inherent fact-checking

"this means it's LYING to you! why, i work at a library, and just the other day, i had three college students submit lists of entirely nonexistent articles that chatGPT had cited as sources!"

well i think "lying" is anthropomorphizing it a little bit too m- oh my god what the fuck graduate students are using chatGPT as a resource? for writing PAPERS???? and not even googling the articles they asked you for first??? and you think the issue here is fucking CHATGPT???????

downside: going to have to include a picture of the Giza pyramids in the slides for the lecture upside: i get to give people a crash course in why perspective matters in two frames, because

followed by

is such a funny sequence

Whoever designed this menu, you need a raise!

I love when information revealed at the end of a story recontextualizes something said or done at the beginning. Like yes queen make the story a loop let the story keep developing even though the book is closed and the credits are rolling. The story never ends it just starts over.

Mirin Kou: Miniature Wooden Sculptures (2023)

does anyone else kind of.. enjoy spoilers ?? like they’re sort of a relief because then I know whether or not something is worth investing in watching or reading or not

I’m not gonna be disappointed if it doesn’t turn out how I want plus I’m not going to fast forward and skip through large parts of it to find out what happens, which I’m embarrassed that I do I just don’t have the patience

Is that just a me thing or do other people do that too? Is that an adhd thing?

I just do way better watching things if I already know the entire synopsis and can predict kinda when things will happen like landmarks in a movie that help me through

Please tell me this is an actual thing and not just me

ok so recently i wanted to read a book to my niece, who just turned 7, that I thought she’d like. but it had some scary parts in it, that might be too much for her. she’s tough, but she’s sensitive too, like any kid her age.

so what did i do? I spoilered it. I said “hey this kid runs into some monsters that are gonna try to eat him, and then they chase him and it’s very suspenseful. You think that would be too scary?”

She considered it. “Do they eat him in the end?” she asked.

“No,” I said.

“Then no,” she said. And then, when we were about to hit the Big Reveal that this person who had helped him was secretly actually a man-eating monster, she lit up and was like “IS THIS WHEN IT HAPPENS” and I was like “SHH yes!” and she was like “AHH YEAH” and loved it.

I don’t think spoilers are just for kids, though. I’m now so Tired of conventional media’s endless race for The More Shocking Ending that I refuse to watch shit when I don’t know how it’s going to end. It’s not that I don’t have the emotional resilience to handle unexpected things (well, sometimes I don’t, honestly, and have no shame about that), it’s that if the unexpected thing is the “fuck you if you liked these characters ha ha ha!” plot twist, I just don’t have the time to invest in your fictional world. If you can’t respect me as an audience then I have other shit to do with my time.

Even my own writing– I dithered a bit in my latest series, which was going to hinge on a dead character being revealed to really be alive. I did my best to avoid spoilers as I was writing the thing, but now I’ve posted it and I figured, the thing to do is just to– tag it for the reveal. It’s not worth trying to be coy or people won’t know whether they want to read your shit.

I stand by my view that if knowing the twist ruins your story, your story is poorly written. Like, I appreciate that some people love the thrill of discovery, and as such, I support making sure people don’t stumble over spoilers without warning. But I’m sick and tired of stories that go “Ha, ha, tricked you!” or confuse shock value with suspense. 

I’m also reminded of classic tragedies where the entire point is that the audience knows what happens, but the characters don’t, and there’s definitely a good amount of fun in frustratingly watching them careen towards doom, seeing all the signs, and not being able to do anything about it.

That’s also partly why picking up a piece of media you’ve already enjoyed again is so fun; seeing all the little hints the author peppers throughout the story you might not have picked up the first time gives you an entirely different, but still very much enjoyable, experience.

Look through any window, Jochen Mühlenbrink

OIL ON CANVAS!!! I REPEAT, OIL!!! ON!!!!! CANVAS!!!!!!

This time of year is always very nostalgic for me bc I used to be the Token Gentile at an office and every few months there'd be a Jewish holiday and my friend would be like "Hey, I need you to do Gentile things for us" and I'd be like hell yes dude. Gentile Things often meant I'd sign things in exchange for a few dollars on venmo but Pesach was a special time for me because it meant everyone gave me boxes of pasta, cereal, and other baked goods. The first time my friends were like "Hey for reasons we won't bother getting into we're going to give you all of our bread" I was like, it is a powerful responsibility but as an Ally I cannot refuse. Best time of the year, frankly

Reminds me of the year I spent in a house with a Muslim housemate, and he ate nothing during the day throughout Ramadan - then of course he would be hungry af and buy a fuckload of food as soon as he got off work in the evening. Around midnight, he’d realize he just couldn’t eat everything he’d bought on his own, and come knock at my door to ask if I felt like having dinner again.

I always felt like having dinner again. 

I misread that as ‘Tolkien Gentile’ and felt let-down by the post.

On the contrary, it feels very Tolkien for people with unfamiliar customs to show up and give you a bunch of their food with barely an explanation. Like a reverse of the opening of The Hobbit where the dwarves show up and eat all Bilbo's seed cake, or something.

Shabbes Goy, son of Glóin

i personally do lateral tripod. dynamic tripod is the "proper" way and i believe most common, feel free to correct me.

"our son made it through the war to come of age, let's fucken party! rsvp only if you're a little bitch who's NOT coming. all y'all not dead of alcohol poisoning by morning (lmao losers) get dunkt on"

Me: Eating rice a bit too quickly

Frog brain: Only a fish would eat rice like that! Activate fish mode!