my toxic xennial trait is that i believe something should either be software (in which case after i download it i shouldn't need to be connected to use it) or a web page (which shouldn't require me to download anything to use it, however badly, in a browser). fuck your mandatory single function constant connection apps

You’re so right. Say more

Double fuck subscription models for things you used to just buy. I’m not subscribing to the little word Tetris game I like. I will pay you 2, 5, or 10 $ ONCE. I am not adding Word Welder to my list of monthly bills like water and gas.

Apparently my stepdad and I are fucking psychically linked because ?? every single time he makes chili for dinner I get a migraine. Without fail. And it became like a ha ha running joke because it happened so many times but now I’m living 3 hours away from my parents and I just texted my mom and

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

Happy disability pride month

Cackling.

In case the original goes away:

Text version:

Washington State Department of Natural resources tweets:

(Falling to my knees, begging, pleading)

Please.

Folks, seriously.

PLEASE.

Do not - and I can’t emphasize this enough - set the state on fire this weekend.

Fire danger is abnormally high this holiday weekend.

URGING you to consider firework alternatives:

- screaming “bang! boom!” at the sky

- dropping a stack of large books on the floor

- wrapping a toga around a candle

- play America the Beautiful while combining Coke and Mentos

From the archives

What the fuck is this??????????

Folks: you CANNOT censor trigger tags. When you block a tag, it doesn't block other "spellings" of it. Writing it as "r@pe" or "r4p3" means that someone who has "tw rape" as a blocked tag will still see that post because you didn't wanna say the word rape. You are hurting people. Do not censor words, because people do not have those filtered out.

And honestly if you can't even write the word rape to protect other people then you probably aren't old/mature enough to be on this website.

the team is all here

I had an interesting night last night

I’m so glad I have tumblr gold so I can view this post

Tumblr gold users rise up

if kafka was born today i'd be his best friend and microdose with him

he's not even a day old... you want your best friend to be a newborn? you want to do drugs with a baby?

he's very mature for his age

advice from link

It’s Fourth of July Eve so make sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Captain America

I THOUGHT AFTER FOUR YEARS YOU PEOPLE WOULD LET THIS DIE AND YET AGAIN I OPEN THIS CURSED APP TO FIND MORE NOTES ON THIS POST

Dragon Girl who sees your weak mammalian body get pierced by attacks that her thicker reptilian skin would have protected her from and calls it a "scale issue"

HOT DRAGON FACT

some can breathe fire

COOL DRAGON FACT

some can breathe ice

SHOCKING DRAGON FACT

some can breathe lightning

SICK DRAGON FACT

Some can throw up

If you are making a boy character into a girl character for a gender swap art thing you better put that bulk back on that girl or so help me. You think girls are allergic to muscles? To fat? Do you think big bulky butch women are imaginary or something?? If that boy is as wide as a fridge that girl better be a deep freezer. Cowardice. Rights for women that are built like a tank!

The fake Senator is Josh Hawley. No Missouri residence.

reblog and tag this with your mothers maiden name, your first pets name, the street you grew up in,

i think a lot of people forget that actually not every piece of media is designed for you, specifically, and that actually looking up things you don't know or understand is good for you

just another tuesday in Pelican Town 🐔

i could never be american because whenever I get a big drink I'm like oh great now I have to drink this big drink. i have to take care of this big drink they gave me. everything is terrible in the world

too many upset americans in the notes of this post. why don't you come over and take care of that big ass drink for me then. why don't you carry it around for me. you must've built up a lot of muscle dragging those drinks around every day. why don't you help me drink it since you're oh so experienced at drinking big drinks. two straws. one cup. why don't you tenderly look into my eyes over the styrofoam rim. we could share a moment and a drink together, feel the intimacy of experiencing the same thing at the same time. at the end of the day my opinion on big drinks will have shifted. it's not the sugar on my lips that changed my mind. i love you but I'll never say. you mistake my fear for indifference and we break each other's hearts. I'm resentful towards big drinks again but it's for a far more complicated reason than just my being European. not that anyone would ever notice the difference. well, except for you, I suppose. funny to think that the only person who knows that about me is a complete stranger. who said that

almost peed my pants today when my bf told me about this dude in his hometown who dressed up like ryan gosling in Drive every day (including driving gloves) but did not own a car. bf was like “yeah we called him Walk”