shakespeare wasn’t lying that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow can creep in this petty pace from day to day

neither was Smash Mouth. the years start coming and they don’t stop coming

Can I interest you in a

.

…

a…

…

crabonated beverage?

How to tell when your pun has reached both of its intended demographics

Just so everyone is clear on where I stand: I love getting @'d in posts. I love it when people want to show me things. I get so happy about the fact that you saw something you thought I might like. I don't care if we aren't mutuals. I don't care if you think I might have already been tagged. Please never be afraid of just showing me shit. Thank u.

excuse me that cat is belgian and he solves mysteries

My friend takes this one step further and refers completely accurately to his girlfriend Danielle as "My partner, Dan"

Also i hate to say it but for some people, boyfriend/girlfriend feels a bit juvenile, say, if youre over 30, or perhaps youve been with someone for a very long time and are committed life partners but not married for whatever reason. Maybe husband/wife feels a little watered down to you and you want to establish the equal nature of your relationship.

Partner is a wonderful word and it should be normalized.

i want to add this 🥲

Amazing addition

I think it's hard, especially for those who were abused or neglected as children, to not internalize everything that happens to you as a personal failing, so here's your reminder today:

first of all WHO is asking this second why did they say jake gyllenhaal and not jack twist

RIDE THE CYCLONE | writ. RICHMOND & MAXWELL

"The Temptations of Saint Anthony" by Robert Auer (1917)

you gotta love how whoever painted this clearly was into it. ive seen other depictions of temptation and they are always debauched and demonic and sinister but the painter was like "im going to make it look actually fun for real!"

"whoever painted this" gamer his name is right there

they were too distracted by the titties to read

high school teachers: if you don’t show up with a dress and full makeup or a fitted tuxedo to class everyday to college your professors will execute you

college professors: 

I once had a professor SLAM a thermos down on his desk and say to us “there’s more pressure in my sinuses right now than there is at the bottom of the sea. This thing’s full of NyQuil. I’m going to drink it while I teach, and when your heads are replaced by swirling rainbows, I will cancel the rest of class.” The class ended up being 17 minutes long.

Your professor was trying to fight God

I was in a class in undergrad, fellow classmate walks in 20, maybe 30 minutes after class started and slightly out of breath. Professor gives a vague look of curiosity and the kid says “my bad. They set up a bouncy castle outside.” The Professor perks up “there’s a bouncy castle?! Class dismissed!” and straight up ran out of the room. It was a 10am class.

I once asked my TA in my astro class about how something works and he looked at me, and said “magic” while doing jazz hands.

I’d probably be that kind of professor.

Somewhat related to the original post: One time in my university lectures a girl walked in five minutes late wearing full formal wear—I mean like a prom or bridesmaid dress, white gloves, heels, hair done up, the works—and she had to sit down in the front because all the other seats were full.

Professor actually paused the lecture to ask what the occasion was.

“Laundry day,” she answered. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about it,” said the professor, “We’ve all been there.” Then went back to the lecture.

So like seriously high school students don’t even worry about it

"middle aged women shouldn't participate in fandom" and you think it's teenagers that are writing those brilliant, incisive 100k fics of your favourite characters

"We're Not So Different You And I"

What do these four have in common?

Correct!

Next:

What do these four have in common?

Correct! Specifically space parasites.

Next:

What do these four have in common?

Correct!

Next:

What do these four have in common?

Loki?

Correct! They're all Norse God Loki

Last one:

What do these four have in common?

Deal with the Devil?

Correct!

That's all, folks!

Feels like I just got out of doing a trivia game with the fey by the skin of my teeth

saying “be safe” like a spell that’ll protect them

love everyone in the tags saying “it is” you’re right

Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post

Feel like you guys would appreciate this tweet

That little girl is going places

I know more about economics than AOC and my knowledge on economics is on a high school level. Its actually embarassing how little she knows about this shit. But hey, expecting a socialist to know about economics is like expecting a fish to know what a desert is.

Much of the ocean is a desert

You know what? Let’s use the allowance example again to make it even clearer.

Let’s pretend we have an allowance tax bracket with a 70% tax on money received after a certain point. To keep things simple, we’ll make the limit $90.

If a kid does chores and earns $10 in allowance, they get $10. They’re not going to be affected by the 70% tax.

If a kid does chores and earns $50, they get $50. They also aren’t in the 70% tax bracket, even though they make five times as much money as the kid making $10.

If a kid does chores and earns $100 in allowance, then they’re in the allowance tax bracket with the 70% tax.

$100 minus $90 is $10. This is the part that’s going to be taxed 70%.

70% of $10 is $7.

So the kid getting $100 in allowance will have $93 after the 70% tax takes its share.

Now, I’d never impose such a thing on actual kids. All of this is a thought exercise.

But if it were real, the kid making $10 and the kid making $50 would probably be kind of mad if the kid getting $93 was bitching about being short $7.

Also, can we talk about how taxes are used to pay for things for the benefit of society - roads, schools, libraries etc. so to further the above example, the parents aren’t just pocketing that money themselves just to be mean and selfish, they might use it to pay for a Netflix subscription that the whole family can watch.

Babygirl I know fandom history that you wouldn’t even care about

i know fandom history that even I don’t care about