WHO ELSE IS GONNA BE A SLUT WHEN QUARANTINE ENDS

When you can still smell his colon from last night on your pillow.

i wonder if actors ever get their scripts and are like

well this is fucking stupid

is this a reaction or an example

Yes

I MADE THIS ORIGINAL POST WHEN I WAS 15 AND IM 21 AND I JUST FOUND IT AGAIN AND IT's GROWN SO BIG I AM SO PROUD

my favorite 

Charlie Day doppelganger: NBA player Josh McRoberts

I refuse to believe that isn’t charlie day

The gang infiltrates the nba.

*asexual laughter*

*homosexual laughter*

*bisexual considerate muttering* 

*genderqueer requesting clarification as to what is meant by ‘opposite sex’*

*Bill Clinton requesting clarification as to what is meant by ‘sex’“

i’m in the astral plane right now. ama

can you check if florida is real for me

looks like florida is just a large concentration of dark energy. powerful enough to manifest into a physical form 

thomas what the fuck is your damage

I can’t believe that the two greatest party songs of all time (I Gotta Feeling and Party Rock Anthem) came out within two years of each other and mankind will never create a better party song

Some people have been defending various other party songs in the notes, and while I respect all of your opinions, the only song that can qualify as a POTENTIAL exception is Tik Tok by Ke$ha

What about Allstar, great for every occasion

All Star is, in my opinion, the Greatest Song of All Time™ and while it great for every occasion, the three above are the best suited for parties. Like rich chocolate is good for every dessert, but milk goes better with Oreos than more chocolate, ya know?

I was not ready for such an educated response but completely agree

I come prepared for this discourse

have you ever met someone who’s smile looks like it could make flowers grow

no offense but i hate myself and hope i die in my sleep 

yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit  during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me