I want to kill with fire the notion that realism in smut is inherently unsexy.
This is a subject I could go on about forever, but it’s late and I’m tired so imma boil it down:
1) If use of lube, condoms etc is spoiling the moment, that is a writing failure, it does not mean that those things automatically spoil the mood.
And don’t get me wrong, not throwing stones. I have used shortcuts, I have handwaved stuff because I couldn’t figure out how to make it work or just couldn’t be arsed. I’m not saying go repent in sackcloth and ashes if you ever had a couple of characters indulge in unsafe sex, I’m saying be honest enough to say it’s a choice you made, and don’t fall back on the lazy excuse that it wasn’t possible or that lube or condoms or foreplay would somehow spoil things. It’s just not true that these things can’t be tackled without spoiling a moment, and to claim that is just making excuses. Stop doing that. Please.
2) Be aware that much as people try to say these things spoil the mood or make a story less enjoyable or sexy, depending on your reader, the reverse may well be true. The assumption that realism is automatically less sexy is just inaccurate.
If I read a scene where a guy thrusts into a woman in one stroke, then unless they have worked up a head of steam so I know she’s ready, I assure you, I’m wincing at my computer screen. If you are having a character get anally penetrated without lube, then unless there’s some in universe explanation (even if it’s just magic! magic works! this isn’t rocket science!) or you tackle the fact they’re the rare and lucky individual for whom that works without discomfort (something I’ve only heard about as rumour, but I’m prepared to believe they exist… just not that they’re so common your characters can take it for granted that this is okay), then my eyes are watering in sympathy. Those are the two examples that are most obvious and that make me cringe most often, if it wasn’t so late, I dare say there would be more.
And I don’t mean “I’m clutching my pearls and having a conniption fit because of Poor Writing” - it means I’m viscerally reacting because ouch! This shit can fucking hurt.
Like, okay, people will continue to write wildly unrealistic fanfic smut that defies anatomy and makes me want to cross my legs forever. I’m resigned to that.
But can we please stop pretending it’s because realism can’t be sexy or can’t be incorporated into said sex scenes without making them unsexy? And can we maybe acknowledge that as well as the possibility that realism can be sexy, that supposed “fantasy” sex that can’t be bothered with any of those boring things like condoms and lube and foreplay might not actually be inherently hotter and may actually be really damn cringeworthy? And that criticism of that is because people are empathising with the characters? That maybe it’s possible to write smut that is hot without throwing reality out of the window and where the people involved would have fun for better reasons than “because I’m saying they did”?
Maybe I’m deluded thinking anyone will read this, but if there’s a chance it’ll mean just one less scene that makes its readers wince… I can hope.