Puerto Rican (K)nightjar
Coolest bird I've painted for avian august this year for SURE.
Anonymous asked:
Thank you, stranger, for making this blog. You are truly a kind, beautiful soul. Thank you for existing for the world. Many of us appreciate you!!!! Thank you!!!!! /vvvvvvvgen
...now to me. I'm sorry for adding for your huge askbox as is, genuinely...
I naturally, without thinking, don't act like my real personality because it's been shunned dozens of times across my entire life. It's not fundamentally flawed (I know that, 100%--we all have flaws, ad I absolutely wasn't a terrible person for expressing them). Nonetheless, all I know is that the person I act like everyday of my life since I finally snapped and started doing this whole thing two years ago -- almost three -- is not who I really am. You know when you put on a shoe that, while your foot can fit inside and you can walk around just fine, you know it's just not your size because it doesn't feel right at all? That's me and my "personality"...people thought I was weird when I showed my genuine personality. I was just...pretty different than most. some comments I've got on my old personality:
"You're ...... Weird." (said with a thinly hid derogatory tone)
"Stop. You're not one of us."
"Why are you talking like that?"
"Sensitive. No one likes you."
And the one that finally made me snap:
"Stupid." (the person who said this then continued top he conversation as normal. Not acknowledging my stunned reaction.)
In addition, for a couple months I got treated like a dog. A literal dog.
I basically got treated like an outcast.
I know the personality I've left buried for so long has grown on its own, with me. It wasn't totally neglected and in fact is still here. It's just hidden behind this mask...which I can't take off. Because I literally don't know how. It's become such a habit to be someone else that I don't even fully, consciously know who I genuinely am today...it's hard. I hurt. A lot. I'm terrified of being vulnerable in any way, now. Just curled up in a shell.
...what am I to do? Where am I even going to begin? I feel lost. All I know, in the depths of my heart, that there is hope. There is always hope yet. That is something I've always known.
So what now? I'm scared, tired, and unsure. Is there anything I can do, anymore, at all? To figure out, and then be, who I know I am, deep down?
Thank you for reading, if you did. From the bottom of my heart--thank you. Thank you.
Sincerely,
#🎈🌠🐘
<3 <3 <3
Thanks so much <3 And fwiw for anyone wondering, it's not HUGE huge, I've got like 45 asks and dms to get to, but it still feels pretty big for me, a person who has def never had that happen before. Hoping to try to answer a batch of 2-4 of them on the weekends
Also, in terms of the rest of it.... Sorry if I'm overstepping, and definitely not to do that "diagnose people over the internet shit," but have you ever looked into whether you might be autistic or some other flavor of neurodivergent. Because as an autistic person, I see a Lot of my own experiences in what you've written
Regardless of whether you have or not, and whether you're autistic or not, I definitely know what it's like to deal with that kind of shit and bullying, and how trying to mask your own differences can twist you up inside. I had a problem with compulsively lying for a while in high school because of how ingrained "covering for myself" became - so I get how unsettling it feels when this shit becomes something you can't consciously control
Because there's so much overlap, I'd actually recommend looking into books and resources from the autistic community in masking and the difficulty of unmasking, regardless of whether you're autistic or not. A lot of the traumas are similar, too, so if you're at that level of "burying," I really think you'll be able to get something out of it no matter what
(This applies to anyone reading this who has also had to deal with that kind of shit or has found themselves doing something similar.)
Also, you should definitely look into trauma work (and "complex PTSD") and see if there's anything helpful to you there--there's a lot of really effective, evidence-based stuff out there about how to untangle your nervous system, because that kind of social rejection and isolation is absolutely/inherently traumatizing
Some Resources
Masking stuff:
- Seven Steps to Unmasking as a Neurodivergent Person
- What Is Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)? from Healthline
- Autism Masking: To Blend or Not to Blend from Healthline
- This is an assessment for social masking. It's written about autism, but I think a good amount of it would be applied to other types of masking like this.
Trauma stuff:
- What Is Rejection Trauma? from TherapyMantra
- Healing from Rejection Trauma from CPTSDFoundation.org
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
- What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo
And if none of that helps you...there's definitely a lot of other stuff out there. There's things like journaling, which are a huge help with this sort of thing. Figuring out who you are underneath it all takes time and feels super weird and it's not easy, but I have faith you can do it. Don't give up, just keep moving forward
@matetikus kalandjai
the full video!
hi i hope it's okay that i do some excited shouting off your reblog since it's got the full video linked. to everyone in the notes asking:
I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU, BECAUSE IT IS BY THE SAME GUY!
allow me to direct you directly to Alan Becker's youtube channel right HERE
(and a quick shoutout to those of you who already knew <3)
HOWEVER!
I SEE YOU IN THE TAGS! and i can promise you that the stuff Alan Becker is making TO THIS DAY is even better than the videos you remember from 15+ years ago! (that's how long he's been around! isn't that wild?)
i'm almost certain everybody remembers - or has heard of - the original animator vs. animation, which went viral back in 2006, or maybe you remember watching the third installment of the series in 2011, with these two:
nostalgia at its finest, genuinely! but did you know that there's a fourth Animator Vs. Animation? i'm sure you recognize this orange fella (he's the one in the math video!) or maybe his friends from 2014?
but hey - did you know that there's a fifth installment? and that it looks like THIS?
i just cannot stress enough how far the realm of stickfight animations has come in these past years - and Animation Vs. Math is truly just the tip of the iceberg for Alan's content.
THERE'S EVEN A SIXTH INSTALLMENT. THE FIRST EPISODE (yes, the first episode) JUST RELEASED A FEW MONTHS AGO. LOOK AT HOW INCREDIBLE THIS IS!!! and this is just a small snippet!!
(full credit for these beautiful gifs goes to my beloved @chosec <333)
and as if that wasn't enough - over sixteen years of incredibly ground-breaking animation done by a team of dozens of wonderfully talented artists - there's even more.
do you remember this?
this is a screenshot from Animation Vs. Minecraft, and to this date, it is the most viewed Minecraft video on Youtube. that's not an exaggeration - since 2015, this one video has accumulated over 316 million views. odds are high that if you've watched any Minecraft content over the past 7 years, you've probably seen this video at least once. and y'know what's crazy?
the series never ended.
there are three full seasons of Animation Vs. Minecraft, and i'm not exaggerating when i say that the sheer amount of storytelling that is put into these little stickfigures as they explore the block game that everyone knows and loves is unbelievable. i've spent the past year dragging everyone i know into it. the full series is a 4 1/2 hour epic, steadily increasing in animation quality over the years its been in the works, building up to stunning conclusion with its own original music score that makes me cry. it's amazing.
here's some links to my personal playlists, organized and updated in chronological order:
- the Speedrun playlist (for quick binge watching, my personal favorite for first-time watchers)
- the 100% Run playlist (best for shorter watch sessions, with some added bonus content in the form of Shorts (not necessary to enjoy the full story, but fun to watch regardless))
if there's any sort of small-studio/team animation you want to watch and support - i cannot recommend Alan Becker's work enough. there's found family, there's cool action scenes, there's deeply heartfelt moments, all portrayed with the bare minimum of dialogue - and it's set in a delightfully unique medium full of charm that Alan and his team have maintained to this day.
and please come chat with me over on @sec-one if you have any questions! or just want to gush about how cool these stick guys are! i know i'm going to stick around (lmao) for as long as Alan creates more stories for us to enjoy, and there's no signs of stopping anytime soon <3
A dreadful encounter... and a tender embrace. (Samurai AU)
The EU is doing a big survey for LGBTQ people who live in the EU about how it is for them right now. That's the kind of survey that's used for official reports and for laws so it's super important that it has as many people taking it as possible. You can take it in every EU language. (You can change the language in the top right corner) Share it with your friends!
Ok but like. What the fuck is there to do on the internet anymore?
Idk when I was younger, you could just go and go and find exciting new websites full of whatever cool things you wanted to explore. An overabundance of ways to occupy your time online.
Now, it's just... Social media. That's it. Social media and news sites. And I'm tired of social media and I'm tired of the news.
Am I just like completely inept at finding new things or has the internet just fallen apart that much with the problems of SEO and web 3.0 turning everything into a same-site prison?
Long collection of resources under the cut.
ALSO you should consider browsing Virtual Pet List and seeing if there are any pet sites you might be interested in playing. There is a whole genre of browser games right under your nose
Another one that I just found recently is this, which is a whole collection of blogs, organized by topic!
Look guys the real internet IS STILL THERE I'm going to cry
Getting off of twitter and onto neocities has really healed me and I am so glad to see it is healing other people too ;u; let's retreat into the self-made digital woods and away from corporate bs pls, I am so tired
August 03 Overtime
Day 3 of Smaugust in the 1 hour sketchland and I am not sure what Feral would mean, so I ask around and got drooling, milky-eyed, and tattered winged dragon.
I decided to go with Drake for Drake Days weekly prompt on Inkblot, and daily Subjectively Smaugust prompt of Feral, so no tattered wings for this one, but hopefully this is 'feral' enough to count.
the iconic bop that is Dragostea Din Tei is 20 years old today!
Was just listening to it yesterday by coincidence. “Alo, sunt eu, un, Haiduc!”
Some reasons to consider Amaterasu:
- Can paint, fish, AND wield a weapon. We love a dog with many talents.
- Even though she's (mostly) a silent protag, she still has a lot of personality. She tends to nod off whenever someone bores her, knows to silence her envoy whenever he goes out of line, and even plays around with her fellow gods!
- Wicked eyeliner. She was born to slay.
- You can press a button to have her bark. Truly the pinnacle of gaming technology at the time.
- Missile already got a (very well-deserved) win and recognition with the Favorite Capcom Character poll. Give Amaterasu a chance at getting a crown and recognition, too :]