Warhammer 40k orks are just a shitpost. Reading up on the lore of them is a true test because they’re so absurd you cant tel the dufference between theory and actual canon.
Shit i’ve read.
-every one possesses a form of psychic willpower that affects reality.
-technically could not be killed, but a human taunting them described how he would kill them so they became killable.
-they believe the color red increases speed so it does, including their enemies ships.
-they believe the color yellow makes explosions more powerful, so it does.
- they believe the color purple is stealthy so anything purple that they see is now invisible.
-they have windows on their spaceships to do drive-by’s because they dont know theres no air to breathe in space.
-their guns dont actually have any proper functioning parts. But since they believe its a gun, its now a gun.
-an out of ammo imperium squad once used empty guns to kill orks by shouting “bang” and since the orks didnt know they were empty it still killed them.
And now my personal favorite.
-while the emperor is believed to be kept alive by continuous sacrifices of his own techpriests. It is believed that the only reason the emperor is still alive is because the orks believe he is alive.
I cant tell what is true and what is made up because it all reads like that.
Orks are the one faction that makes the Warhammer 40000 setting appealing to me.
WAUUUUUUUUUUGH
-Orks have a gun that fires goblins THROUGH HELL to strike their enemies “Supa fast” (a feat which is deemed impossible by all other factions)
-Orks have very few actual organs and are like 90% fungus
-Like most actual fungus, Orks reproduce with spores that are constantly being spewed from their bodies
-Ork psychers(”magic users”) are so volitile that they will sometimes just explode, sometimes taking half the army with them. This can be prevented by giving the psycher a stick wrapped in copper wire
-Orks decided to weaponize this by cutting off the psycher’s limbs, strapping him down to a cart, throwing him into the middle of the battlefield, then taking away the stick and running away.
-Due to the lack of any real organs, and reproduction with spores, orks lack any form of genetalia. However, Ork painboys(doctors) will sometimes graft fingers or lumps of skin to an ork patient that look like penises just for shits and giggles. This is typically done without patient consent and may result in the doctor’s dismemberment.
-Ork ships tend to have massive amounts of thrusters and rockets on them, all wired up to a single massive red button for the captain to smash
-In any sane universe, 9/10 ork vehicles would explode after turning on the ignition
-Orks are actually one of the oldest races in the galaxy, and were created by god-lizards to fight against giant, metal, sun-eating vampire gods and their robot skeleton slaves
-Orks are the equivalent to the black knight in Monty Python and the Holy grail, being able to be completely dismembered and continuing to fight (and still being a fairly sizable threat)
-If an Ork can find his dismembered limb and staple it back into place, he will be able to reuse that limb.
-The orks once were capable of building AN ENTIRE PLANET completely out of scrap metal.
-A prominent ork strategy is to swarm millions of orks onto an asteroid or moon, then slam them into the planet’s surface, effectively acting as makeshift landing crafts
-In old lore, the way that orks communicated across massive battlestations and walkers was that certain orks were capable of yelling SUPA SUPA LOUD instead of having an actual communication system
A little bit more on orks:
- Painboyz (as well as ork technicians, called Mekboyz) have an in-born knowledge of their given craft. Mekboyz pop up out of the ground with a basic knowledge of constructing simple machines and likewise Painboyz are born with a pretty good idea of which fleshy bits go where inside an ork.
- ork youths (or yoofs) often become frustrated with older orks always telling them they can do whatever they want, so they join up with the Stormboyz, where they perform such rebellious acts as saluting and respecting authorities, marching and performing drills in near-perfect synchronization, and strapping unstable rocket-engines to their backs to hurl themselves at the enemy.
- the ork gods are Gork and Mork, one of which is Brutal (but Kunnin’) and the other is Kunnin’ (but Brutal). The orks usually can’t all agree on which is which but general consensus is that Mork is the god of clobbering someone when they’re not looking, and Gork is the god of clobbering someone when they are looking.
- orks are naturally bald, but still sport impressive topknots and mohawks thanks to organisms called hair squigs. These small parasitic orkoids possess coats of disproportionately long, thick hair and will instinctively clamp down on whatever fleshy surface they are pressed against (usually an ork’s scalp) and never let go. There is a larger variety known as a beard squig, which, predicably, is typically attached to the chin.
- one time an ork was accidentally sent back in time and used the opportunity to kill his past self so he could have a spare of his favorite gun.
To add a lil something more to this:
-Orks have a form of currency called Teef, where they take the teeth off their fallen ork comrades to barter with. The bigger the teef, the more it’s worth, and ork teef decays pretty rapidly, keeping any ork economy based around the teef completely in a stable environment. When an ork is in need of some teef and there isn’t any lying around, he’ll punch himself in the mouth to knock out his own (they grow back), or better yet, another ork who ain’t expecting a sucker punch.
Their technology only works because they don’t know enough about engineering to know that it shouldn’t work.
For those wondering what’s true and what’s not…this is all canon and real
The God Emperor of Mankind is still alive because the Orks collectively believe that he’s too badass to die.
The Eldar believe that the Emperor is the only thing holding back the Chaos Gods from taking over/corrupting/destroying the entire galaxy (this is why they haven’t made any real attempt to wipe out humanity). Which means that, by extension, the Orks are holding back the full force of the Gods of Chaos just because they think this old pink dude is pretty cool.
