ATTENTION

i love fur, i love leather, i love wool, i love long lasting materials without plastic in them that will decompose and go back into the ecosystem after serving me well for several decades.

instagram: smacmccreanor

What kind of gay ass movie…

Even if I didn’t have a solid plan, in the back of my head, I always assumed I’d kill myself.

Now I’m an adult and people my age have their lives in order and I’m stuck here, confused, because I never planned to be alive and I’m so far behind.

I feel like I’ll never catch up.

Hey all.

I want to make an addition to this. I made this post a long time ago.

I’m currently back in university, and I’ve made so much progress with my trauma. I’m in a loving relationship.

Things can and will get better. It’s not too late.

Nothing is perfect by any means. But I’m happy I’m still here and didn’t kill myself. I hope you get to that point, too 💕

The addition is important! I see the original post circulating a lot, but the addition is important!

New addition two years later. I’m still going strong!

I’m getting married. I’m still in that loving relationship.

I’ve learned that there’s no real timeline. It’s okay. And while it sucks that I lost time, there’s still so much for me to experience and enjoy.

Newest addition. 7 years after the original post!

I got married last month! My dog is laying on me snoring. I’ve learned to have healthy friendships and relationships. I’ve learned that I’m not alone and that even when things are hard, I’m going to be okay.

The scale of baby hummingbirds vs a human hand

The inside of the nest is white because they're so tiny they line them with spiderwebs!

ok. 🥺🥺🥺

@todaysbird

you may also notice that the babies have tiny little nubbin beaks! they hatch like that so they fit in the eggs- the beak doesn't actually grow in for another week or so.

s.mol 🥺

worms in the sky

anyone else been letting the days go by? letting the water hold you down?

same as it ever was

“how did you get into writing” girl nobody gets into writing. writing shows up one day at your door and gets into you

petition to bring back saying "huzzah!" when something goes your way and "alas." when it doesn't

in hindsight, pitching something that would be deemed a fair bit strange by some standards to a site teeming with already incredibly strange people was a mistake. apologies tumblr users i’d forgotten where i was

It is actually way better for 100 addicts to get their fix on pain pills than a single person in pain go without. I call this the "Torture is bad" principle. You should be able to get the good stuff forever after a single doctor's visit. If you're worried about addicts fund rehab centers and needle exchanges instead of torturing people.

Among other things if you can't use the legit market you turn to the black market anyway.

if you're worried about addiction, build a society where people get their basic needs met, including pain management.

#i also would prefer addicts be on prescription drugs that are exactly what they say they are#rathet than unregulated drugs which are full of who the fuck knows (tags via @shanastoryteller)

i hope this essay isn't unwelcome but i wanted to expand on a previous reblog which mentions turning to the black market: denying people controlled medication out of fear of the addict boogieman literally directly creates and worsens addiction.

as someone who spent a lot of time in hard reduction oriented communities for substance use, one thing you notice real quick: a lot of people with a substance problem have that problem because they were denied or never given access to medical care for a whatever problem the drugs are compensating for (esp common for women, queer people, disabled people, poc, and ofc the poor/uninsured)

and it makes a lot of sense if you think on it for 5 seconds. i'll give two examples off the top of my head.

person A has severe ADHD and/or narcolepsy. they cannot maintain a job without medication, but either cannot afford to jump through diagnostic hoops, or did so and were denied medication anyway. they could say "aw damn" and risk losing their home, families, etc to their untreated illness, or they could go to the black market.

now, these prices are around 5 years old (but i doubt it's gotten cheaper), but lemme break down the logistics:

adderall can be cheap if you live near a college campus or tech city, but on e-markets it'll run you anywhere from .25-$1 per mg in pill form, which could be around $5-30 per dose. long acting stuff like vyvanse is more expensive, and we're boldly assuming the pills are real and correctly dosed.

speed paste availability varies by country but outside of europe it's not common or cheap, and it's not gonna be as potent as pharmacy grade amphetamine

meth, however, is cheap (anywhere from 20-50 per gram), widely available, long lasting, and potent enough to dose as low as 5mg. thats like 15 cents a dose. the drawback? meth is a lot more compulsive, addictive, and neurotoxic than the stuff you'd get at the pharmacy, is often cut or poorly synthesised, has nasty side effects, and is probably a lot stronger than most people need (desoxyn exists, but is rarely prescribed)

easy to see how someone just trying to self medicate could end up with a problem, yeah?

a similar issue crops up with theoretical person b. person b has chronic pain, but either had their medication taken from them due to DEA browbeating their doctor, or was never given anything stronger than tylenol because they were assumed to be faking. if it's a choice between suffering and breaking some laws, the choice is clear. so you go looking for pain meds.

pills advertised as being real (which are often pressed anyway) will often run you at LEAST $1 per mg, often more if it's something like morphine or diluadid (codeine is also weirdly expensive bc it's a meme drug), that could be $100s per day if you need multiple doses.

heroins a little cheaper and stronger, around $100 per gram, which is cheaper than pills

then there's fentanyl. strong, cheap, long lasting, wildly available, and significantly more clear headed and less "high" than most opiates. you can get fentanyl presses for $5 a piece that will last most people a day or more. cheaper in bulk. powder varies wildly. but fentanyl is strong, difficult to accurately dose at home, and builds tolerance/dependence quickly. and once you have physical dependence, missing a dose means flu like symptoms or worse for a week or more.

again, you see how this would fast track someone to addiction?

and i know what you're thinking: what about people doing drugs for fun for real?

well, being honest: most people don't develop addictions from occasional recreational usage, and the ones that do are often self medicating for depression or anxiety or trauma or existential dread. there are some drugs that are significantly MORE recreational if you happen to have anxiety. even if there's a guy out there who really just loves doing drugs and is 100% well adjusted and is just addicted for the lulz: i don't care. that guy still deserves access to safe, accurately dosed, transparently labelled drugs. (this isn't even getting into queer drug culture either bc this is long enough but you'd be surprised how many drugs were banned bc they were popular in queer clubs)

"but why would society continue doing something that very obviously is creating the problem it claims to be fighting?"

simple! many governments (namely the US) want disabled, poor, queer, and brown people to spend their lives working in private prisons or drop dead! denying them access to safe medical/recreational drugs, fast tracking addiction (by creating a situation in which the most accessible options are the most high risk, stigmatised, and heavily criminalised substances on the market), and then dehumanising addicts/drug users to the point even self proclaimed leftists often have no sympathy for them is a quick and convenient way to accomplish exactly that.

anyway i just kind of wrote this essay because i feel like people who have never been in this situation don't understand how someone can wind up addicted to a "scary" drug like meth or fentanyl, you hear a lot of people talk about it like those are "extreme" drugs no "normal" person would ever knowingly try, or that people would only use them if they didn't understand the risks or are Stupid (and therefore "deserve" any harmful side effects) and that's just not true. the fact of the matter is these Spooky Scary Substances are often the cheapest and most accessible options on the market, and if you can't afford to jump through medical hoops, you probably can't afford the Expensive black market options either. and i thought breaking down the pricing and logistics and providing real world examples might put things into perspective, because honestly you probably won't hear it from anyone else.

This. Fewer than 1% of people given post-surgical opioids end up "addicted." So does this mean we should punish over 99% percent of people by essentially vivisecting them, cutting them open and messing with their organs/tissues, and leaving them to recover with Tylenol? People can die from being in too much pain. And as has already been mentioned, people may need medications to hold down jobs. Opioids are the main targets, but they're coming for your ADHD and anxiety meds as well. Nootropics are an interesting topic of research for those who lack the wealth to purchase concierge medicine, just be safe.

Show up at work like hi boss sorry I'm late my I was helping my mother track down one specific 90s dungeon crawler for the purposes of obtaining a muffin recipe the developer hid in the files

Anyway shoutout to Stonekeep (1995)

I'M MAKING THE MUFFINS

Burnt my hand picking it up to show. Gonna wait to taste.

Taste review: Make the video game muffins oh my GOD.

These are DELICIOUS! I substituted chocolate chips for pecans because its what i had on hand.

It tastes like a pumpkin gingerbread cake! Great treat for fall and winter!

Definitely make these!

Text from recipe

Tim Cain's Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Muffins -- They're the shadow king's favorite!

preheat oven to 350. grease muffin tins (one dozen regular size) or use baking cups. mix flour, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a large bowl. Break eggs into another bowl. add pumpkin and butter and whisk until blended. stir in chocolate chips. pour over dry ingredients and stir until just blended. do NOT overstir! scoop batter into tins and bake 20-25 minutes. after cooling, keep muffins wrapped in plastic to avoid drying.