generic memes

why did you stand down this week huh 🧐 did you realize your constant noise, eavesdropping, and space-incursions had gone too far and revealed you too much? change your behavior so you can feel like having the upper hand again? did you realize how bad we'd gotten and decide to give the ol' ticker a break so we can both recover? or do you have something more devious in mind for this month that only time and the countermovements on the board shall tell and reveal...?

was talking with a group of associates and venting about "the neurotypicals" and how they generally behave with autistics, and one of them actually notallmenned me with neurotypicals.........like..............

REALLY don't wanna go out and tackle this battle tomorrow, but at the same time, at least i get to put on a suit and get out of these civvies for the first time in too long. it'll be nice kitting out again at the very least

if ur eavesdropping on someone and stalking them 24/7 looking for the chance to play more power games with them, right

and they're doing something that bothers u...and then you get upset about that thing, or offended by it

then...maybe...u...shouldn't be eavesdropping on and stalking someone!!!!!!!!!! 24/7!!!!!!!!! looking to play more power games with them!!!!!

this month, it becomes clear that, truly, my friend jonathan and i are one and the same. same plight; trapped in haunted castles. there's a romance in fighting gaslighting vampire lords together, and in becoming doomed to repeat the same pattern each year that goes by, i think

i don't think most people really comprehend what i mean when i don't see the world the same way they do. it's like...some bugs can see infrared. turtles can see ultraviolet. you know? colors you can't see, rays of light that are there but you can't feel.

except, for me, it's that where most people see colors and feel sensations and textures, i just...don't? i see emotions and memories...raw impressions of things that happened or things that could happen there. red is a wash of history and green is haunted with ghosts no one remembers but me.

i can feel the patterns of movement and attention in things, and i can't not do that anymore than you can not feel the wind on your face. it's just there, always, like a force of nature i'm permanently and constantly attuned to, aware of, and very sensitive about. everything's a story? words and histories constantly swirling and tangling, and always so alive and in-sync if you pay attention, and i can't do anything but unless i'm completely numbed and dissociated to it. there's always a pattern in everything and i can never understand why no one else cares or even seems able to try and see it. they just make me try and turn it off and let go of those things and then wonder why i act so standoffish or antisocial or uninterested in anything, and why i have no interest in anyone anymore.

if only you could see the world the way i do. the way clocks mesh together and how today is yesterday and all of forever all at once. if only i could see it the way you do. but like bugs that can see lasers, i can't change that. at least not without excruciating amounts of effort. and why would i want to do that when seeing and toying with that pattern is what makes me so good at creation and existence in the ways that i am?

"act your age" i'm kept hostage and treated like a dog by a terrifying narcissist who refused me education as a child, the freedom to hold down employment as an adult, and isolated me miles from civilization, not to mention secretly controlling every aspect of my finances for Years (including blocking my access to cards, credit, and accounts that i needed for my future and independence <3), and mixes it with almost constant gaslighting, verbal manipulation, and emotional abuse to ensure forced dependence for as long as possible, but cool! thanks for the help! You were useful and definitely serve your job correctly in society and people's actual lives as a counselor and help-worker

pretty weird how, when i did get overnight counseling for a weekend, i had absolutely nothing to say since i was out and hoped he didn't know where i was and for the first time in years actually felt safe and could function without having the feeling beaten out of me. so no one believed i was actually in any trouble at all or needed any further help or listening to. Thanks, lads, running a great system

and like? It's not about me holding a grudge. it's not about whether or not i can let go of things. it's not about getting upset or not or being mature or not. it just simply is about teaching a man who has gone unaccounted for in his little off-the-grid life for far too long that there are consequences for his actions, and enforcing that, and i will take that solution in whatever form i possibly can.

did u guys know i refused to go to lunch with him one day and he went fucking crazy wild and stole and threw away a bunch of my books :^) that i needed :^) and gloated about it to my face when i found out

look it's not that i WANT to ruin my life and reputation and be surrounded by narcissist conservatives who view me completely incorrectly and don't give a shit for the rest of my foreseeable future. but i DO want to be safe from his constant bullshit, stop being stalked 24/7, and be able to recover enough to be a person, have feelings again, look for work, and get my writing done. and this probably won't solve any of those things! but it's not like he left me with many choices with all the things he's done. so now we're here and i'm out of options. there is nothing else, and maybe this might keep me away from him for long enough this time

some parents do still need parents of their own, actually, i'm afraid to say. like, not for comfort or for them to take care of but just to keep their shitty kids in check, you know? like, if there was one person in the world i could resurrect, it'd probably be my dad's dad so he could whoop some fucking sense back into this strange, overgrown, childish boy

was thinking about getting a spacehey for the graphic design fun, but it's like. entirely people a decade and a half younger than me who don't remember what msn was

i don't really draw a lot right now because making art isn't really safe where i am, but i HAVE been collecting a lot of images that seem like i'd like to copy them or use them for practice when it is safe. And storing them in the back of my head like all my other future-time thoughts, for accessing at a later date. so that's neat. Maybe one day i'll can make One sketch and it won't be ruined