spook

Am I really a hopeless case?

I have falied at everything. I feel the world is better without me in it.

It's so funny because I've wanted to kill myself for years and no one has EVER done for me what I did for you. NO ONE. No one fucking cares about me. I really should just die. I do things for people that no one would ever do for me and they just throw me away like a piece of trash. I should kill myself just to make you happy. I know that'd put a great smile on your face. That's all you care about. That's all anyone cares about. I hate it here.

— Me

i am REPULSED by my inner thigh fat

it’s literally DISGUSTING to me

so gross i hate despise loathe it so much 

this disease is not beautiful.

it’s flinching at the slightest touch and i’m just tired all day every day and no thanks i already ate and aching knees and hips and joints and waiting for the number to change and stomachs growling and another bottle of water and flinching at the slightest touch and baggy sweatshirts and leggings that won’t stay up and waiting for the number to change and how many calories are in one blueberry and no thanks i already ate and never feeling alive and blurry days and tired eyes and flinching at the slightest touch and measuring tapes hidden under pillows and fasting until the world won’t stop spinning and waiting for the number to change and bruises all over my skin and no thanks i already ate and bones that hurt when i lay down and getting winded walking up the stairs and flinching at the slightest touch and feeling my heartbeat soar and dragging myself back into the bathroom and waiting for the number to change.

When a person I’m close to gets mad at me, I feel like all their love and care for me has instantly been revoked forever and will never come back. I blame it all on myself because I made them mad. I DESERVE to no longer be loved and cared for because I made them mad. I DESERVE TO BE ABANDONED BECAUSE ALL I EVER DO IS MAKE THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT ME ANGRY.

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