bitch (affectionate)

The urge to bother my mutuals

reblog if it’s okay for your mutuals to bother you <3

inspired by my friend Zoe, I present gender bent dirtbag sapphic Gambit

Every time I see gender bent dirtbag sapphic Gambit I black out to find it reposted on my blog

i fucking love tumblr on new years i scroll past a glittertext gif wishing me a happy 2002 i scroll past my mutual wishing me a happy 2018 i scroll past a gifset wishing me a happy 2013 i scroll p

happy 1915 everyone!

give it up for girls with vaginas and boys with penises

pause i forgot cis people exist this was intended as a celebration of bottom surgery

rb to have a super gay 2023

rb to have a super gay 2024

rb to have a super gay 2025

christmas eve what about christmas adam

happy christmas adam to all men’s rights activists

Please stop pestering us with things like this. This has nothing to do with men fighting for their rights. Eve is short for ‘evening’. Please don’t turn activism into a joke. Thanks.

Someone isn’t having a good christmas adam

Christmas Adam: December 23rd. Comes before Christmas Eve and is generally unsatisfying.

Happy Christmas Adam everyone

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

This

there are more tweets in this thread

fucking SLAY

this isnt even the full thread, there are even MORE tweets to this thread that i think are really necessary to read if you do what op is talking about! it is not enough to know that feeling this way hurts the people you love, we already know that.

this rest of the thread continues after the third tweet from the reblog.

like THE FULL THREAD is genuinely so reassuring.

sometimes, it is not enough to just know, sometimes you might need that reassurance of "do you really think of me when i'm away?" and someone reassuring you that yeah, they do. and evaluate that! trust that! just like op did.

and then learning that ykw, it's NOT any of my business really. and finding comfort in that trust that like. whether they are or aren't thinking of me, they really do love me.

this full thread changed my life and i am ALWAYS going to give the full thread because the parts people cut out aren't enough for the people experiencing these things, speaking as someone who does. it, really it just makes us, made me, feel bad about my own capabilities when i saw the unfinished thread.

i feel strongly about this

im crying even the birding groups are memeing on this shit

where i’m at girls

I just got lightheaded from reading this

a lot of people’s trauma symptoms get worse when they’re finally safe

a lot of people’s

trauma symptoms get worse when

they’re finally safe

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

NO FUCKING WAY

when the vampire lady is trying to seduce you but you’re workin through stuff

you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out

Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”. 

There should be a blog dedicated to theatrical urban legends. Like that opening weekend of Dracula where Dracula (still hungover) vomited all over the audience during the first stage direction that everyone has a friend of a friend that worked on the show and was there.

or the one where the bridge never came out for Javert’s suicide and so he just pretended to stab himself and then lay there until the lights went out

best story i heard was when a friend of mine saw a show where juliet forgot to bring the dagger out on stage so she just ripped the squib out of her chest and blood squirted everywhere

During a passion play a friend of my brother was supposedly in, one of the roman soldiers who was supposed to stab jesus on the cross and accidentally grabbed the wrong spear- he was supposed to grab one with a fake tip, but instead he grabbed one with an actual metal tip and, well

Jesus screamed “JESUS CHRIST YOU STABBED ME”.

Since that Jesus had to be taken down due to a bad case of stab-itis, the backup Jesus came in, but he weighed significantly less than the original Jesus- which would have been fine, except that at the end the cross was supposed to ascend upwards with Jesus on it, and the weights hadn’t been adjusted.

So Jesus, instead, ROCKETED UP into heaven (or, just, above the stage).

This is wild from start to finish

I was in Peter Pan once and one night at a performance, the adhesive holding our Hook’s mustache on was wearing off. It was near the end with a big fight scene and when he got attacked, he let his mustache fall and went “YOU RIPPED MY MUSTACHE OFF!” in a scandalized tone and it added a new note of hilarity to the whole scene (which was supposed to be funny anyway)

In my seventh grade play, which was a midsummer night’s dream, Thisbe didn’t have a sword so she stabbed herself with a coathanger

My junior year we were doing Romeo and Juliet and after Juliet poisons herself it was supposed to go dark and she’d get off the stage. well the light crew accidentally turned them back on and Juliet who was sitting up slammed back down on the wooden bed with a loud bang. To which my theater teacher says into the com “zombie Juliet” and everyone who heard that had to keep as quiet as possible while our eyes were filling with tears.

i attended my county’s performing arts high school majoring in vocal studies, (mostly geared towards musical theater and opera styles) and once a year we got a field trip to new york (we were in jersey, so it’s not exactly far). we would do one touristy thing, an actor’s workshop with friends of our teachers working in various performing industries in nyc, and then see a show. 

my first year doing this, our industry contacts were 1 actor, 1 casting director, and 1 producer to get different aspects of the business, and they all gave us amazing advice and told fantastic stories. the actor in question was Zazu on Broadway’s The Lion King for several years, and told the best story by far.

in The Lion King, there are only two pieces of pre-recorded noise in the whole show. one, when Pumbaa does a MASSIVE fart while fighting the hyenas, and the other being Mufasa saying REMEMBERRRRRR as Simba climbs Pride Rock. the actor told us while struggling not to laugh that, during one night’s performance, someone forgot to flip the tape of these pre-recorded noises.

so, at the end of the show, the great climax where Simba finally accepts his place in the Circle of Life, the heavens parted and-

PFFFFFFFFFRRRRRBTFTBTBFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

everyone froze. and then all ran off stage positively HOWLING with laughter.

the lesson: sometimes there are fuck ups you just can’t recover from.

During a high school production of Beauty and the Beast, where I was assistant costumer and assistant prop master, our director decided that we needed to spice up Gaston’s introduction. You know: in the movie, when Lefou runs in trying to catch the duck/goose that Gaston has just shot out of the sky?

Originally, the actors were going to stroll on stage with our Lefou hauling in the really neat (and real!) taxidermied deer head that we had found in a local thrift store. Now, two days before opening night, our director wants Lefou to run in from off stage and catch a stuffed duck that Gaston has just shot. This, of course, requires two things to work properly as a scene: a gunshot noise, and a stuffed duck.

The gunshot noise, we had covered. Blue-collar, redneck school? Guns a plenty to record. The stuffed duck? Harder than you might have thought to obtain.

Three hunting stores, two taxidermists, and one Pet Supply Store ™, I’d finally found a semi-realistic pheasant squeaky toy. What follows is an account of the ways this dog toy managed to be the nightmare prop of the six show run.

Opening Night: The stagehand, who was supposed to drop the bird from the ceiling catwalk, missed his cue and didn’t drop the it. Lefou’s actor rolls with it and does an excellent job of looking around foolishly before getting cuffed upside the head by Gaston. The stagehand then drops the bird squarely on Gaston’s head. Cue laughter.

Saturday Matinee: Different stagehand throws the bird instead of dropping it and beans Lefou directly in the face with the prop. Lefou falls over. Cue laughter.

Saturday Night: Bird is missing during curtain call. Director hauls the deer head down from it’s place on the tavern wall and tells Gaston and Lefou to revert to the old blocking i.e. no gunshot, no bird, just walk in with trophy. During Gaston and Lefou’s conversation, gun shot sound goes off and a stagehand throws the bird onto the stage…from the wrong side of the stage. Lefou and Gaston stare at it in awkward silence for a solid thirty seconds before Lefou makes off-script, subtle joke about Gaston’s gun going off late instead of early. Cue adults in the audience laughing.

Sunday Matinee: Director begs the stagehands to get the cue right at least once. Gunshot and bird prop go off without a hitch. Lefou accidentally catches the prop when it falls from the catwalk. He’s so startled that he caught it that Gaston runs right in to him. They drop both the gun and the bird props, and grab the wrong prop in their scramble. Gaston spends the rest of the scene gesturing dramatically with a stuffed pheasant, instead of a gun.

Sunday Night:  Director is fed up with bird prop, decides that Lefou should just carry bird prop in after gunshot happens off stage. Lefou accidentally squeezes the prop during the intro conversation, startling both actors into silence with the squeaky toy noise - apparently, neither of them realized it was a dog toy.

Monday Elementary School Show: Lefou walks on stage with the bird. Accidentally drops the prop during conversation with Gaston. Gaston doesn’t notice the dropped prop and steps on it. Cue depressingly sad squeaky toy noise. Cue ten years olds laughing.

I was in Twelfth Night during high school and we were lucky enough to have identical twin girls playing Viola and Sebastian. Due to the blocking in the first half of the play, their characters didn’t appear on stage together but rather almost consecutively one after the other for a majority of the first act.

It was awesome because when people saw the play and didn’t know the girls were identical twins, it literally looked like it was one actor doing multiple, uber fast costume changes.

One of our first performances was for our peers and it was a big school so lots of people didn’t know the twins. This - for some reason - was also the performance they chose to record.

Listening to the confusion of the audience during the playback was fantastic and completely topped by the moment Viola walked off stage left just as Sebastian walked on stage right and someone right beside the camera goes “OH WHAT THE FUCK” so loudly it drowned out everything else.

The best thing? That was the copy of the play that was made available for purchase by family and parents. Haha.

Oh my god. I went to one of the Spiderman shows where he flew out above the audience and then got stuck and had to awkwardly hang there for about 10 minutes, but these stories are brilliant.

okay so, my senior year of high school and I’m part of the stage crew for Peter Pan. There’s a scene where Hook and Smee are searching for Peter and the Lost Boys. Now the theater department at my high school isn’t very well funded (in the southern USA, football is king), so the sets we managed to make were pretty kickass for the money we had. We had a structure painted like a big tree stump for the entrance to the Lost Boys’ hideout. You could climb to the top of it, but also go inside it through a trap door that we kept locked up during most of the play.

It’s like our third show and everything has been going surprisingly well. Hook and Smee climb to the top of the “tree trunk”, supposedly looking for Peter and not knowing they’re standing above his hiding spot the whole time.

Turns out someone didn’t close the trapdoor properly, because the second Hook steps on it, he plunges through the thing. He’s able to catch himself, but he’s got his ass and one leg dangling through this hole where it’s like a ten foot drop to the ground. All of us stage crew are literally two feet away from him offstage, just gaping at him because???? Y'all this fall looked BAD. Looked like my dude did the splits in mid air. The whiplash caused his fucking wig to come off. The audience is dead silent, all of us backstage are dead silent, the director is like already looking up how to treat a broken groin.

The kid who was playing Hook was like a fuckin sophomore and he KILLED it. He gave himself a second to catch his breath, never broke character, just looked up at his castmate and growled “Smee, you fool, help me up!”. He ended up playing off the wig thing as an embarrassing comedic bit for Hook, and the play went on. He was completely fine. It was the best thing I’d ever seen.

There was an infamous performance of the opera Don Giovanni where in the last act Giovanni was suppose to be dragged into hell via trapdoor but the overweight actor got stuck, leading someone from the audience to shout: “Hey everyone, Hell’s full!!” 

I’m pretty sure I’ve reblogged this before but the Lefou story has me in tears every time.

As someone who did Tech stuff in High school for 4 years, Lefou!

I was a costumer on a stage version of Titanic, and in the scene where the women and children are getting in the lifeboats, one of the men (who was supposed to be saying goodbye to his wife he knows he will never see again because his is about to die), realized his fake mustache was falling off and instead of playing it cool… he rips it off his face, and hands it to his wife with the line “Something to remember me by”…it was the funniest thing that I have ever seen in my 8 years in theatre, the entire cast lost their shit laughing at the most dramatic moment possible

I am laughing so hard I’ve been crying for ten minutes. Thank you

I was in a production of Little Shop of Horrors wherein I had been double cast as Ronette and the voice of Audrey II. This was fine. Quick changes and running–I lost 20 lbs. from sweating alone–and singing and fine. Until the end.

During “Finale Ultimo,” I was supposed to be slung out of the open mouth of the plant, revealing the double casting to the audience. And it was fine, except for when they flung too hard. I flew right into the orchestra pit and landed on the violist.

I am not joking I am not exaggerating the thirst on this fucking website for cis dudes w a lil extra fat on their chests... And the insistence on referring to those as titties and boobs and big naturals. Has made me (trans man) feel significantly better about my boobs! Everyone here sees a dude with big ol bazoonkas and goes fucking apeshit. Hell yeah. Men's tits. I got those too! Maybe they're also hot on me! Holy shit! Men's tits!

You guys really like this post huh

The notes on this post:

1 hell yeah men's tits

2 sorry what did you say I saw men's tits and blacked out and reblogged

3 I'm also a trans guy/trans masc and I feel the same way!

4 I'm a fat cis guy and I feel the same way!

5 I'm a trans guy/ trans masc and I feel differently but I'm happy for u

6 I'm a lesbian, I don't even go here, but fuck yeah everybody loving their body is great

7 I'm a trans girl and I feel the same abt something this website finds hot (girldick, tall girls, also men's tits cuz less traditionally feminine titties being hot is great for anyone who wants to be happy with their body)

8 me wondering how the fuck my post got so many notes

9 people responding to that with what did you expect you posted abt men's tits on the liking men's tits website

2 sorry what did

you say I saw men’s tits and

blacked out and reblogged

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

official boob post

taking away a clowngirl's makeup telling her she doesn't have to be a clown she can just be a normal silly billy and correcting her any time she tries to juggle until she gets sadder and sadder and eventually stops talking altogether and just communicating via gestures and realizing with horror you've created a mimegirl

you get it

The Kiss (1882) by Eadweard Muybridge

Unearthed in 2011, this short video created by cinema pioneer Eadweard Muybridge of a kiss between two women is the first kiss ever in the history of moving image, predating Edison's "The Kiss" by over a decade.

Ahh, Eadweard Muybridge. He may have committed a minor murder, but he also invented videos of women kissing, so it's impossible to say if he was good or not.

Need to move to L.A. so i can get vivisected by a bitch w a bookstore mullet for fun and profit

Moving to Philly to get a full soldering iron branding backpiece from a chris-fleming-built bitch running a kava bar

Need to move to Maine to get abducted by a pair of 30something dykes living in a converted schoolbus [ who serve as the Platonic form that the realtree-wearing graphic designer dirtbros are trying to emulate ] to get yoked to a plough sexualstyle

Moving to PDX so I can ask where the nice young lady with less-than-perfect posture sourced her ketamine autoinjector before it ends up in my neck

Moving to Brooklyn to get flogged by a dog

Gotta move to Denver so a GenX neopagan woman can split my tongue semiconsensually but with more-than-agreeable-results during an impromptu mescaline ritual

Need to move to Langley to tango with off-duty CIA interrogation specialists and put VivoKeys in eachothers' hands

Moving to Pittsburgh so a motordyke disrocker can give me a self-cauterizing nasallang with a propane-torched-red-hot safety pin

Moving to Chicago for good ol' leatherdyke sodomy. Maybe a tattoo with no gloves, malort for sterilization.

Moving to Toronto for vigorous and non-hetero but ultimately relatively vanilla sex with someone who still wears Chucks in 2k24, quote, "in the hipster way,"

Moving to Minneapolis in order to be goaded into engaging with a concept I don't fully grasp but which is referred to as "Fargoplay" ?

Moving to Atlanta to have a cunty english major with utilitarian tastes rest the muzzle of a CZ P10C on my lower incisors [again, sexualstyle,]

Moving to Connecticut to have something genuinely unethical and slightly traumatic but nevertheless incredibly arousing happen at the hands of a bisexual third-generation Yale grad student and end up walking away with a worrying amount of hushmoney. Also to give roadhead on the Merritt parkway.

Moving to Tallahassee to chainsmoke blacknmilds before a complimentary waterboarding and industrial piercing from a local Realtree wearer.

Moving down to Miami to get cosmetic work done by someone slightly too beautiful to still be fully human in exchange for sexual favors and a favorable Yelp review.

Moving to Seattle to be bound by my wrists and watch a broad shouldered woman forge a brand before it’s planted solidly in my leg.

No, you move to Seattle to be disappointed.

I mean surely we all grew up feeling like there was a wrongness inherently deep inside us that will endure for the rest of our lives