I always include Harry when I discuss how hard things are. I don’t care about certain current tendencies, I am firm in my opinion that the boys are together, in a very loving, very committed, very healthy relationship and I can’t imagine, even for one second, that Harry wouldn’t feel and share all of Louis’ pain and frustration and anger and any other feeling this last year has brought along. And the fact that up until a few days before his shooting started, he stayed with him, he never left him for more than 3 months speaks for itself.
Of course Louis has it worse. He’s in the middle of TWO stunts, one of them being about a FAKE BABY, he’s publicly still linked to Syco and doing nothing but working on fictitious labels and Simon’s shows. Even if Harry was just sitting on a ball all day taking selfies, he’d have him better than Louis. But, no, Harry is made to appear part of a completely different world, what with his new acting aspirations, solo album intentions, cool Azoff team and classy, famous friends.
Do I think that he’s not suffering from seeing the love of his life portrayed as someone he really is not? Do I think his heart hasn’t broken a million times when Louis fell apart in his arms because no one can endure so much at once and for so long? Do I think he hasn’t punched a dozen walls or cried himslef a river or two? Do I think he has’t done (and likely succeeded) everything in his power to support his boy? Do I think he won’t be scarred for life himself?
Louis has it worse than not only his bandmates, but most of the celebrities I can think about, if we exclude extarordinary, dramatic cases. But I know that when you love someone their pain is you pain, their joy is your joy and their life is your life. I can’t understand how anyone could ever think that Larry is a thing, but Harry isn’t in with Louis 100%, 24/24, 7/7. I am GRATEFUL that Louis has Harry in his life and viceversa.
When I entered the fandom and learned everything there was to know about the boys, the moment I found the most upsetting to watch and analyze was the winter shortly before and during Haylor. I still avoid watching videos and gifs about it, because I can’t stand the look in Louis’ eyes. How horrible and unexpected and hard and painful that must have been. Harry was stunting hard for a few weeks, his sad face was everywhere, his lack of enthusiasm and cooperation so evident, his detachment and dislike deep and yet, with all the affection I have for him and all my sympathy for unwilling people in such situations, my first thought when I think about Haylor is always for Louis and his spent, soulless stare.
So, yeah, I will absolutely include Harry when I reflect on these boys’ hurt. They grew up and had time to adjust to their new, disgusting situation and we had to see less of him than we had to see of Louis during Haylor promo. But not seeing doesn’t equal not being there. Not spotting wounds or tears doesn’t meant they’re not there. As in spotting a smile or hug doesn’t mean that it’s real or felt.
And I think of Niall and Liam, of their expressions, their discomfort when certain topics have been brought up. I think of Niall’s face when anything about the baby was hinted at. I think of Liam’s bright and proud smile when Harry said Not that important. I see their support, their struggles and their love, too. And I see the way they’re painted to their fans and public.
And while I SEE and KNOW (and I HATE) that Louis objectively has it worse, has it impossibly awful, I will always remember their involvement in this crap, past and especially current, their presence as friends and partner. And I will always see it not as a silly, claimed competition, but as a blessing that Louis can count on them, especially on his own fiancé.
A blessing he deserves and built himself for being the wonderful human being they all adore and we can’t wait to see coming back properly :)
